Just One Yesterday

Flashbacks

I jolt up in bed once again. I grab my glasses off the night table. Its nearly 5:30am. I haven't even slept 3 hours yet. I woke up from that dream at 3am.

I don't understand why I keep dreaming of Patrick. Its really starting to bother me. It wouldn't matter if they were good dreams, but every time it's the same exact dream. The one where I can't get to him.

Another thing that bothers me is how real it feels. I swear I can feel his hands on me in the beginning, I can feel my stomach stirring as everything is turning, I can feel my heart aching from not being able to get through to him, I can feel the sadness, I can feel everything as if it were real.

I never get up early so I don't know why I jolted awake again. It must just be my nerves.
I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep anytime soon so I decide to go make myself a cup of hot tea.

As soon as my feet hit the cold kitchen floor, a chill runs through my body. I grab a cup out of the cabinet and start a pot of boiling water. I stand with my back to the stove as I wait for it to heat up. It warms me, but I'm still cold.

I grab my black cardigan sweater off the back of the couch and wrap it around my arms. Soon the water starts to bubble, making me jump a little. I pour my tea and walk over to the door. I open the heavy door but leave the screen door closed. I sit down in the floor and stare out into the darkness.

It's lightly raining, which I love. I've always loved rain. Anyone who knows me knows that. I especially love the way it smells outside when it's raining, it's just refreshing.

I take a sip of my tea and watch the steam as it raises up in the air and fades away.

I'm anxious, yet calm and numb. I'm worried about calling Patrick later. I mean, what will he think of me? We haven't spoken in about 3 years, and we haven't seen each other in 4 years. Will he think it's weird that I'm calling him out of no where? Will he even have enough time to talk to me? Him and the band have been kinda busy lately.

I see him on t.v occasionally, which kinda hurts. I mean, we were best friends. We were so close, and now we're so distant. I used to be able to tell him anything and everything. I could sit up until the early hours of the morning having deep conversations with him. I can't do that with anyone else. And now I can't even do it with him anymore. He's got to many things going on in his life at the moment. He probably hasn't even thought about me since last time we spoke...

A tear escapes my eye and slowly rolls down my cheek. I feel so lonely and vulnerable.

A couple years ago, I thought I had everything figured out. But that was because of Patrick. We had planned our futures together, assuming we would always be that close. We planned to start a music career together. We use to practice together all the time. We could harmonize really well. Plus I could play piano and he could play every instrument known to man. We use to sit in my parents basement playing music up into the middle of the night. He was so passiote about music, and gosh I loved that about him. I mean of course I was too, but he was crazy good at everything he did musically.

We used to play at local little coffee shops around town. Him on guitar and both of us singing. It was really fun. Plus, sometimes they would pay us to play certain events and stuff.

That was great, but what I really loved was when we were all alone in the basement, so lost in the music. Sometimes it was like the way we communicated. We would just play for hours and hours. Until our fingers were close to bleeding and our ears were ringing. That's what I really loved. And that's what I really miss...

Suddenly, I'm crying without even knowing it. I wipe my tears away with my hand.

I take another chill, and pull my sweater up over my hands for warmth.

The sun looks like it's trying to come up. It hasn't come up over the horizon yet but the sky is a lighter shade of blue now.

I reach up and wipe another tear away and take another sip of tea.

As I put the cup back down I see headlights starting to come up my drive way.

What the hell? Who could that possibly be? Who in the world would be coming to my house at 5:30am?

I stand up and brush my hair back with my fingers. I frown and look out the door trying to see who it is.

I see a man sitting in the drivers seat. I squint trying to identify him.

Then it hits me. I gasp and cover my mouth in shock.

Tears form in my eyes as he gets out of the car and shuts the door.

His name falls out of my mouth as I wipe away one last tear.

"Patrick..."