Forgetmenot (Fruk)

Una confesión un lunes

Francis now has less than two weeks left here in Canada, and now it is Monday, and I'm about to meet Ivan. I'm freaking out! I have no idea what to say or do... I have to let him down... But I'm just afraid of how I'm going to do it. I'm worried he'd blame Francis for it and come after him.

Then again... after last Tuesday's situation in my bed, I wouldn't mind that happening. I was hoping! Francis would get the hint! But no! I guess we are just good friends, Huh?!

I should say yes to Ivan out of spite, but I won't!! Just because that would be terrible on him, and I know deep down I have feelings for Francis.

But still!! He pissed me off that night! How is he so stupid that he couldn't tell that I was trying to get him to say something? Or even express that I might have feelings.

"Arthur? Are you okay? You are squeezing that a little too hard," he laughed nervously. I looked over at him and glared, and I could see how he backed down quickly. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself, but I couldn't; I was so nervous. "Well... today I'm actually going to be with Matthew all day... so you don't have to worry about me being in the way or anything... Also, it might help you mentally prepare for tonight..." he tried to say, but I glared at him again for mentioning tonight.

"Well.... I'll just head out now; I'll see you tonight!!" He said and quickly ran away to the door, Leaving me behind. It got quiet, and it was a little odd... It's been a while since I've been alone... I am going to miss him.....

~~~

Around twenty-two o'clock, Ivan texted me where to meet him. He said to meet him at the park near my place, and I didn't have to wear anything too fancy. Just regular clothes.....

He told me to meet him in thirty minutes, and I did that. I quickly got dressed in some of my regular clothes and mentally prepared myself for everything he might say. I couldn't figure out what I was going to say, but I knew that once the time came, I would be able to let him down easily. It didn't stop me from being nervous, though.

It was just a five-minute walk to the park when I left the house. No one was really out at this time, so luckily, I knew people wouldn't be out to hear us. I would hate to be shamed for rejecting someone.

~
When I arrived at the park, it was pretty quiet too. I stood by this bench and texted him that I was where he told me to meet. I began to hear footsteps, and I turned around to see no one.... Hmmmmm...

"Arthur! Hey!" Ivan suddenly said, and it made me
Jump in place. "Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" He apologized. "No! It's okay! I'm fine," I laughed nervously. He suddenly grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes. "Again I'm so sorry about last Tuesday... but I think it's time I told you something important," he said seriously.

"What is it?...." I asked softly. I didn't want to break his heart, but I had to. "Arthur... you see.... I have feelings for you... and I hope... you have feelings for me too, and maybe we can try and be together? If that's what you want, of course, no rush...." His face turned red, and I never saw him like this before. He was always so sweet to me, and I never noticed that he had feelings.

I'm such an idiot for not being able to tell... how many times he probably flirted with me, but I never realized. "Sooo?"

"Hmmm? Oh.... Uhhhh, this is a lot to take in... thank you for being able to do this too. I admire that a lot," I said with a smile. "I admire you a lot too... You have always been such a wonderful friend to me, and I realized I had feelings seeing Francis there with you... it made me a little jealous, and I reacted foolishly... I am so sorry," he said regretfully.

"No!!! Don't be sorry; I understand why it happened.... But I......" I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we should....." I said sadly.

His smile dropped, and he looked down sadly. "It's because of Francis, right?" He asked me. My eyes widened, and I shook my head. "Not for the reason you think! He didn't convince me not to be with you or anything like that! In fact... I think he might have encouraged me to do it," I answered.

His face looked shocked at me and looked very confused. "But the reason is because of him? What is it? Just say it?" He said. It seemed like he was going to be angry. I wasn't sure if I should tell him. "I don't think you'll like it..." I explained to him. His eyes widened, and he held onto my hands a little tighter. "Just tell me, please.... I need to know if it is what I'm thinking it is!" He said, nearly shouting.

I tried to pull my hands away to defuse, but he held onto me really tightly. Not enough to hurt, but it was very tight. I looked into his eyes, and I could tell he knew what I was going to say, but he wanted to hear it. Maybe hearing it will throw him back into reality, and he will calm down. Or maybe he might flip out? I wasn't sure how he would react... I didn't think he would be like this when I came; it was the last thing I thought would happen.

My lips parted as I took a deep breath "fine...." I started.