Memories | Conrad Fisher

02. He Can Always Change His Mind

"Connie, can you go get Angi?" Susannah called to Conrad as he walked into the dining room.

He could tell she wasn't asking and rather telling him to, but he still tried to fight against it. "Can't Jeremiah go?"

She said nothing and looked at him. They made eye contact, and he decided to just do what she asked. He started to make his way up the stairs, and he could feel his heart start beating faster. It had been two months since they had broken up, and they hadn't talked since. Not even when her mom passed, and he still felt extremely guilty about it.

When he reached the door, he took a deep breath and knocked. "Hey Angelica?" He stood there waiting for her to answer him or come out of her room, but all he received was silence. He stood there for a little while longer, waiting to see if she would answer him, but he still got nothing. So, he knocked again. "Hello?"

When she still didn't answer, he slowly opened her door and peeked in, only to see her lying on her bed, her left cheek pressed against the mattress. Her guitar was laid next to her along with her notebook where she wrote all of her songs. He could see the tear stains on her cheek, and he could feel his heart crumble at the sight.

He walked closer to the bed, his eyes wandering to the open diary. He could see the lyrics she had written and the scribbles of the lyrics she found unworthy. It was when his eyes caught the words 'you loved the amber skies so much' that his interest peaked.

She began to stir, and he could instantly feel his body tense up, but she only turned her face the other way and then stilled again. He relaxed and decided whether or not he wanted to flip through the previous pages in her notebook. Quickly deciding not to, he placed his hand on her arm, shook her gently, and attempted to wake her. She didn't even budge.

She had always been a heavy sleeper; the girl could sleep through a wrecking ball knocking the house off its foundation if she was tired enough. Because of this, he began to shake her rougher than before. "Angi, wake up."

This time, she reacted quickly and elbowed his hand out of the way. She turned her head to look at him and blinked slowly. "What?"

He swallowed hard, his eyes dancing around the room before looking at her again. "Mom sent me to get you." She only stared at him longer, causing him to start speaking again. "For dinner."

"Right," she said and began pushing herself up off her bed and quickly shutting the notebook. "I'll be down in a little."

"Okay," he said. She was standing now, looking at him expectantly. "Right, I'm going to leave now."

He could feel her eyes follow him out of her room, and he couldn't help but feel relieved when he was finally away from her presence. Being near her while not being able to talk like they used to made their breakup seem so real, too real. When she wasn't here, he could pretend she was just a call away, and she was, just not for him, not anymore.

The last time they talked was in April, and it was over a thirteen-second phone call. He called her after he completely stood her up as her prom date. It was the day after her prom, and she was so happy they were doing it earlier than usual because it had originally been on the same day as his. She said she wanted to get dolled up twice.

He was happy to see her dressed up too. She absolutely loved going all out, and he absolutely loved seeing her excited. His mom helped her pick out her dress and his matching bowtie; they were red. Everything was perfect up until the moment he found out his mom was sick again. He overheard her talking about it on the phone with Laurel and MJ; he was supposed to be at football practice.

He had completely shut down and voided himself of any emotions. Nothing mattered to him anymore, not when his mom wasn't even going to try to stay alive for him and his brother. He knew if he stayed with Angelica, who had such a bright personality, he would end up hurting her. And he knew his best bet was just breaking up with her, but he knew if he tried, she wouldn't let him, not without having a proper conversation about it. So he had to make her despise him, so that's what he did.