Daddy's Here

Letters

Jordan

The sunlight shines on my exposed back as I stand here. At this enchanting river. This cabin where Harry had brought the woman out in me. Easily, more than I had expected. Yet, I refuse to take that trip down memory lane.

The only place I'm going from here is forward. Harry's smile will be a beautiful picture in my mental gallery. One in a million.

I sit and cross my legs. Bringing the pen to the paper in my hand.

Dear mom,
We almost never see eye to eye. Never share the same beliefs. And we certainly will never do. But what we have shared are a few good times when dad had ran off. Way before you forgot that my happiness mattered too. You put so much of your love in those men that I was never enough for you. You pushed me away and shut me out like it was my fault dad left. And maybe it was. No one really knows the real reason why he did. But I just wanted to say your strength rubbed off on me. A lot. And because life can easily be taken away from us, I want you to know that my love for you never died. And my heart holds nothing against you for what happened in the past. Because what's in the past is always there for a reason. I love you.

Dear dad.
I was supposed to be daddy's little girl. You were supposed to be my hero. My go to when nothing was going right in my life. But I've learned to accept disappointment. Failure. Rejection. And betrayal from especially those I've loved. I'm not mad at you. Or myself. I'm just glad you came back. And you promised to stay this time. You've never been one of broken promises, so please don't start now. I look forward to starting over with you. And she does too. I'm sure of that.

Dear Hannah
My love. My inspiration. My reason for not giving up on life when I just lost the only man who ever showed me the meaning of true love. I won't be fond of you dating. But when I do let you go, I want you to find the love that helps you grow into a better person. Anyone can say they love you. But until their actions knock you off your feet, they're not worth the heartache. Trust me on this. Your worth is far more than you will ever see.

Dear Harry.
If I could see you, at least one more time, then...then it would make me fall in love with you all over again. The first time you touched me. Our first kiss. I was the last girl you'd ever brought here. You were right about that, but some sick twisted part of me wishes you weren't. I'd feel a lot better if you were here with someone else, than not seeing you at all. Cause at least then I'd be able to fight for you to come back to me. Come back to me, Harry.

I stand and brush my pants off, fighting back the tears as Harry's figure walks up to me. My eyes move from his boots to the smile I fell for. He's glowing. More than he ever has.

"Harry?"

He reaches his hand out to me, and I try to take it but my fingers slip right through, crushing whatever was left inside my chest.

"You can feel without touching, can you?" he asks.

"I don't feel without you." I place my hand on my chest. "But when I do, it burns too much." Like hell.

"I know. But can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

He brings a hand to his chest like I did seconds ago. He smiles at me. Then his hand falls to his side. And it stays there.

No.

"Yes, Jordan. Promise me you'll move on."

I blink away the tears, squinting my eyes as the sunlight shines brighter. Blinding me.

"How can I move on when I can't even sleep without you here? I don't eat, Harry. Do you know how much it hurts to pretend I'm okay when I'm falling apart? I've lied to Hannah everyday since you left me here."