Leaves [gxg]

33

33

She hadn't slept. Erisa's words, her ultimatum, had come as such a shock that River had wandered around the shop and the flat for hours, uncertain what to do with herself. She had tried performing the Japanese Tea Ceremony, or, at least, her terrible attempt at it, but even that had not helped. Her mind continued to rush, thoughts piling upon thoughts, worries upon worries. She felt untethered, separate from reality.

At first, she had found herself incredibly angry that Celeste had taken into her own hands the future of River's little shop. It felt like a betrayal, like a complicated act of thievery of something River held so dear, that, in many ways, defined her. 'Leaves' was 'her', as Erisa had put it. The idea of dozens, perhaps hundreds, of 'Leaves' somewhere out there terrified her.

Then, after wandering the streets of Amsterdam, returning to the airport, somehow managing to organise a flight back home and her luggage to transfer when the strike ended, she began to calm down and reflect. Sitting in the most empty part of the airport until the first flight took to the skies gave her a lot of time to think and consider.

She had turned off her phone and, even when she had flipped to possibly, maybe, perhaps considering Celeste's offer, she kept the phone switched off. It still sat there, on her bedside cabinet, waiting for her to switch it back on and suffer the inevitable flood of messages and voice mails. Or not. Celeste was the type to keep things to the minimum required. River didn't want to chance it until she had more time to think.

At nine in the morning, she found herself heading back downstairs again, carrying a freshly printed sign with a dozen 'sad face' emojis stating that 'Leaves' was closed. Not only for the day, but, possibly, for good. The entire thing felt corrupted by outside influences, each tugging and pulling and vying for her to fall to one side or the other. Celeste's side. Erisa's side. Where River's side in all this was, she couldn't tell.

"Hello!" Antoine's face, grinning, made River jump as she lifted the sign to place on the door. "Closed? But Our Learned Colleague told me not to be late again. I thought you were in Japan?"

"China. I didn't get there." River didn't like shouting through the door, but didn't want to open it either. "Take the time off. I'll call you if I need you."

Antoine nodded but didn't make a move to leave. Instead, he continued to look at River through the door as though he hadn't understood what she had said. River's forehead creased as she fastened the sign on the door using sticky tape at the corners. After a second or two, Antoine shrugged, turned on his heel and bumped into a passer-by. He apologised, stepped to the side and almost fell off the kerb onto the road. He apologised to the kerb before collecting himself and moving away.

She switched off the shop's lights after taking a long, lingering look around her little business and headed back upstairs. She couldn't face it. Not alone. Sure, she took many of the shifts alone, but she always knew that Erisa would arrive for the busy days and shifts, ready with her cool efficiency to counter River's disorganised chaos.

Now, Erisa had put River in an impossible position. Erisa and Celeste together. A choice between her very best friend and the woman that, even now, the very thought of her made River groan with desire. She could see both sides of the conflict, but no resolution. Nothing that could appease both parties. If either of the two women were not involved, River would consult them and feel certain they would give the best, unemotional advice, but emotions were inextricably linked in this decision.

She wanted to help Celeste. The woman had left her well-paid job to strike out on her own. She needed this opportunity and, if River admitted to herself, it wouldn't hurt River. In fact, if the franchise became successful, River stood to make a lot of money. And River didn't doubt that Celeste could make a success of it. She was, after all, the winner of the Outstanding Achievement award. Yet River had never really bothered about money. She had enough for her needs.

She wanted to appease Erisa. To Erisa, 'Leaves' was important to River. The shop had come about from River losing her grandmother, Nanna, who had introduced River to the glories of tea. It was a tribute to a very important woman in River's life. It was personal and intimate. As much a part of River as her wayward hair and flustering mannerisms. River was 'Leaves' and 'Leaves' was River. A little tea shop. All that River had ever wanted.

River didn't know what to do. It was too big a decision. Collecting her laptop from the living room, she retired to the bedroom and switched it on, sitting cross-legged on her bed, her back to her phone that seemed to leer at her, trying to force her to turn it on. She couldn't. Not yet. Whether the phone had a dozen messages or only one, it would be too many right now.

Finding pages on the internet that weren't simply advertising franchises proved difficult. The power and strength of their marketing drowned out River's search for stories from franchise owners. She wanted to learn more about it all. The success stories and the horror stories and everything in-between. It proved difficult. The franchise managers were too good at their advertising game and there were hundreds of franchises leaping out of the screen at her, but little behind-the-scenes substance. They were like ghosts.

They were there, pages into the search results, and on obscure sites, but even these said little that could help River inform her decision. The usual success. "How I made millions in franchising"-type articles, which were basically adverts, too. The very occasional rant by someone who had gone down the franchising route and ended up bankrupt. Nothing that could help her. Every franchise was both different and very much alike.

And, through it all, Celeste's presence made itself known. Not openly, but in little mentions of the company she once worked for, and infrequent mentions of Celeste herself. River looked over her shoulder towards her phone. If she didn't answer Celeste, she would think River had abandoned her completely and that made River's heart ache. The very thought of upsetting Celeste caused River physical pain.

Outside, through the open window, River could hear a couple of her regulars. Voices that she knew well, complaining that the shop was closed. They sounded bitter, as though the closed shop were a personal slight and that upset River, too. She thought she had earned at least a little leeway with her customers. If she allowed Celeste to turn 'Leaves' into a franchise, River would never have to deal with the fickle loyalties of customers. She could sit at home and almost do nothing for the rest of her life.

But that wasn't her. Customers had foibles, everyone who worked with the public knew that. They had their own lives beyond the confines of 'Leaves'. The shop was an oasis for them. A place to sit and savour that most wonderful of beverages. Would those customers think as such if 'Leaves' were a franchise? A carbon copy of a tea shop in a different part of the country? A different part of the world? Clones. Homogenous. Unchanging.

She couldn't decide! The choice itself felt cruel and inhumane. Choosing to remain as she had always been and, possibly, watch as Celeste struggled to restart her career. 'Leaves' could be the start of something huge and wonderful for Celeste, or the end of something sweet, comfortable and welcoming for River. Or both.

With a yell, she threw herself backwards onto the bed, gripping strands of her hair that desperately needed tending to, but she refused to allow the clogged hairbrush anywhere near. Her legs kicked against the mattress, clipping the laptop and closing the lid with a thump. Turning over, she pressed her face into the covers and screamed, pounding her fists into the mattress. After several seconds, she lifted herself to her knees and tried to calm down. Frustrated screams helped no-one.

A thought came to her. A very important thought. In her luggage, she had a travel brush. Scrambling along the bed, she almost fell to the bedroom floor as she stretched out for her luggage, managing to tug it close without touching the carpeted floor, as though it were flesh-burning lava. With fresh brushed hair, she felt a little more human, even though she thought the brush was a little rubbish.

She knew, though, that she was only putting off the inevitable. After all the twists and turns her mind had taken her on, she finally knew what her decision was. It couldn't be anything else. She loved Celeste, whether the kiss in Amsterdam held a promise that Celeste could, did, love her back was immaterial. River had to make the best decision for herself. Allow Celeste to build 'Leaves' into a franchise, or not, the decision had to be one that satisfied River.

River leaned across and switched on her phone. Before it had even connected with the nearest cell tower, River had Celeste's number ready to call.

The messages and voicemails that pinged up would have to wait.