Journal 1

some of my favourite songs and why I like them

Songs

Gosh, do I have a lot to talk about on this topic, I have so many sounds to talk to you guys about. In previous chapters, I would always put songs of how I felt at that moment or just to tell you all songs that I like. I really love music, I find it comforting. I feel like it somehow understands me. I'm absolutely grateful for people who make music. Music has been my happy place for so long and I couldn't imagine being here without it. Might sound cringey but it's the reality for me.

Here's the list of songs I recently started listening to along w detail of why I like them:

1. Name: Dandelions

Artist: Ruth B

Link: https://open.spotify.com/track/2eAvDnpXP5W0cVtiI0PUxV?si=1d88c69be13b41c3

Thoughts: I first heard this song on tik tok, I loved listening to it and would always sing it when I heard it on my fyp. One day I searched it up on spotify and when I listen to the whole song I felt so happy and light. After a while of listening to it over and over, sharing the lyrics almost every day, and paying close attention to what it said something in me clicked... this song reminded me of someone. Someone I love so much someone who made me so fucking happy that I forgot about all my problems whenever I saw them, especially when I saw them smile. It reminded me of ace. After that realization whenever I would listen to this song I would think of ace, it didn't make me sad or anything if I were, to be honest, it made me really happy. "I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile". With that said that part of the song reminds me of ace and even tho, the rest of the lyrics are in a romantic way, I think of them in a best-friend-to-best-friend way. I love listening to dandelions because its a masterpiece and because it reminds me of ace

2. Name: jealousy, jealousy

Artist: Olivia Rodrigo

Link: https://open.spotify.com/track/0MMyJUC3WNnFS1lit5pTjk?si=9c400bddd7be46ed

Thoughts: If I look back to the time I added this song to my spotify playlist it says May 17. Now, as I said before in an earlier post I was really struggling mentally in may. I had a lot of built-up self-hate and other fucked up stuff. I can't remember how I found this song but at that time I related to this song so much, word for word the only part that didn't correspond to me was "I know that beauty is not my lack". I felt so fucking shitty back then and this song just laid out exactly how I felt about myself/life. I know that being jealous of someone wasn't a good thing and jealousy itself is a bad thing so I also felt really shitty for being jealous. I was jealous that people around me were happy and I wasn't, I wanted to be happy like them but I wasn't. I was jealous that people had money to buy whatever they wanted when I had not to simply buy clothes so I can leave home and go out with friends I had at that time. I was jealous that people loved themselves because I didn't, I was jealous of their laughs because I know that no laugh of mind could sound so cheerful as there's, I was jealous that people were living their best life while I wanted mine to end. I was jealous of people who don't even know of my existence. I was jealous of this girl that I called my friend at that time. All I could think of was that she wasn't the nicest person so why is her life so good and mine isn't, why does she have everything I want why is she so much prettier than me why is she the size I wanna be why do people like her and not me. I think some part of me really hated this girl back then and looking back on it now that was a really fucked up way I thought. I was jealous of her perfect life. She had everything and I had nothing.

"I think I think too much bout kids who don know me".

"I'm so sick of myself I'd rather be, rather be anyone, anyone else jealousy, jealousy".