the production

chapter thirty four

I turn to Joseph, ready to get back to finding Cords, but he says:

"Can we talk? Alone?"

"Uh. Sure," I say. We step into the closest alcove, the noise of the ravine cut off by the thick stone.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Did he hurt you?" Joseph asks, his voice shaky, as if he's nervous to say what he's about to say.

"No, I'm okay. He's just some jerk. He does stuff like that all the ti—"

"Not him. Captain."

"What do you mean?"

Without a word, Joseph lifts my arm into the dim light, revealing several grape-sized bruises where Captain's fingers dug into my skin. He must have grabbed me harder than I realized.

"That wasn't on purpose," I say. "He was protecting me."

"But he hurt you in the process. Of the two of them, Captain's the only one who left a mark on you tonight."

Hearing these words coming from Joseph—sweet, feeble Joseph who just planked for his life and should have other things on his mind—forces me to pause.

"He's just doing his job."

Joseph shakes his head in disbelief.

"He's too rough with you."

"He's like that with everybody."

"That doesn't make it okay. You deserve better."

I stare at him. Did the Do or Die knock some nerve into him or something?

"Remember how you said I was your best friend here?" he continues. "This is what best friends do. They look out for each other."

This is the most I've ever heard Joseph speak in one go. I didn't know he was thinking these things, or that they were bothering him so much he felt the need to say something. I look at my arm. The bruises are already deepening. They make me angry, somehow. But at who?

Before I can decide, another person enters the alcove.

Captain steps toward me.

"Don't come near her," Joseph says, throwing his hand out to block Captain's advance.

My mouth falls open.

Captain stops in his tracks, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"Do you know what you did?" Joseph asks. He points at my arm.

Captain's eyes flick to the bruises.

"That wasn't my intention—" he starts.

"But it was the result," Joseph cuts him off. Captain opens his mouth to speak again, but Joseph isn't done. "I thought you liked her. This is how you treat people you like?"

Captain composes himself before speaking slowly.

"I would never hurt her."

"You already did."

Agony flashes over Captain's face. His eyes find mine.

"I'm sorry, V."

The words are barely a whisper. It's the first time he's apologized to me, for anything.

"You know that's not enough, right?" Joseph's words cut between us. "You can't just say you're sorry. You have to prove it."

The three of us stand still, the only sound in the alcove the sporadic drip drip drip from a stream in the corner. I feel the familiar prick of anticipation that usually precedes one of Captain's outbursts. But instead of exploding, Captain's eyes move from me to Joseph, and I see the two boys exchange an entire conversation in one long look. I see Captain's shame, and Joseph's anger. I watch as they understand one another, Joseph's message crystal clear: You will not hurt her again.

Captain nods, once, before bowing his head.

Joseph turns, looking only at me.

"I've got your back," he says.

"I know you do," I say. I take his hand, giving it a squeeze. "And it won't happen again. We'll all make sure of it, okay? Go find Cords. I'll meet up with you guys in a bit."

Joseph hesitates, giving Captain one final look.

Then he's gone, rejoining the bustle of the ravine.

Captain steps forward slowly. There's darkness on his face—a deep-seated regret originating from some forgotten fathom within him.

"May I?" he asks, pointing at my arm.

I nod. He reaches for me, turning my arm over gently. I let him look. Captain should see what he's done.

"I was trying to—" he starts.

"I know what you were trying to do."

He stares at me. I hold his gaze.

"Are you scared of me, V?" he asks quietly.

The question hangs between us, its implication serious. I take my time before answering.

"No," I say.

"Be honest."

"I am. I'm not scared of you, Captain. But..."

He cocks his head, waiting for me to elaborate. I sigh before continuing.

"I'm scared you might do something I won't be able to forgive you for."

"To you?"

"No. To Joseph. Or Cords. I mean, Jesus, you already shot Dozen. The only reason I still talk to you is because you didn't kill her. If you hurt someone I care about, I will be scared of you. You will lose me. And you won't get me back."

It looks like there are a thousand words on his lips, but he chooses to say:

"I will always protect you and the people you care about, V."

I don't reply.

"I promise."

Captain's never promised me anything.

"Okay," I whisper.

He drops my arm and starts to leave.

"Wait," something compels me to speak—to keep him here with me. He turns, eyebrows raised.

"Are you scared of me?" I ask.

I expect him to laugh at the question, but instead he furrows his brow thoughtfully.

"No. You're not exactly a scary person," he pauses. "But there are parts of you that scare me."

"Which parts?"

I might be imagining it, but I think he leans closer.

"The ones that drive you to make decisions I don't agree with. Decisions that put you in danger. I'm scared of what you might do to yourself. And—" his voice gets quieter, "—I'm scared of what you might do to me."

"I'm not going to do anything to you," I say.

The corner of Captain's mouth twitches.

"We'll see," he says softly.

Then he's gone.

Captain's words beat a tattoo into my skull. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. He said it as if he was stating a fact, not making a prediction.

We'll see.