THE RECKONING '.'.'. bradley "rooster" bradshaw

3

"Oh my lord, Ana please come in." Sarah greets me as I walk through the door. She looks disheveled, with purple bags under her eyes showing a lack of sleep. The house looks darker than I remember, all the curtains are drawn. 

"How is he doing, he hasn't told me anything. You know him insufferably positive, well most of the time."

Sarah looks at me, her eyes well up as I hear her choke on her own breath. She shakes her head as she grabs my hand, her hand cold and clammy on mine. "The cancer came back Ana, there is nothing we can do." The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I jerk my hand away, looking down at the floor before looking back up.

"Why didn't you tell me" I look at her tears hit my eyes. I feel my world start to spin around me Ice was all I had when I was a kid. "You didn't think for one second that maybe you should tell me that it was back."

"We didn't want you putting your life on hold again. You did nothing for over a year- set yourself back a year Ana, just to sit by his bedside. Ice didn't want that for you. Ana all you have loved since you were a little kid was to fly, it hurt him to see you not doing it just for him." Sarah grabs my hand to reassure me.

"I would stop flying my whole life if it meant he could get better, you both know that." I let the tears fall as she pulls me into a hug.

"I know Hunny, but he isn't gonna get better this time. He needs to know your still doing what you love. That means more to him than anything."

"Ok." I breathe into her shoulder, I take a deep breath, centering myself. "How is he doing?"

"It hurts him to speak. He stays in his office most days." I look up the steps and then back at Sarah, who gives me a reassuring nod.

The stairs creak as I go up them. The photos hanging on the wall are all of Ice and his family. Happy pictures on the beach, and wedding photos of him and Sarah. Tom's smile has never changed, that small girn that lights up a room without effort, the smile that has always been there when I needed it most.

"Dang Uncle Ice you look old," I say walking into the sunlit office, trying to stay positive.

Good to see you too Ana.

Ice types out in his computer, as he jesters to take a seat. "How are you holding up?" Ice just shakes his head before typing.

I want to talk about work.

"What about it? Always the same, flying, then lading." I shrug off the question.

I can tell when you are lying Ana. I know who is there. I also know how things ended.

"It's fine, people change I've learned to not let it get to me anymore. He made his choice. I was upset for a year and then I woke up one day and I wasn't anymore." I fidget my fingers on my lap, looking out the window to avoid looking at Tom. I hear typing before I look back over to his computer

Bullshit.

And there it is that small little grin that breaks me down. I look down at my hands the tears welling up again. "He's never gonna forgive me Ice, maybe there's part of me that thanks him for that, so I can just ignore my feelings. I can hate him for what he did to me all I want but-" I trail off and look at Ice, his eyes are soft. He reaches out to me and I hold his hand. "He still means everything to me. Always has. We were so close for so long that every time I look at him for a split second we still are. It hurts so bad to know that I ruined it. He was my best friend Ice, more than that as we got older but... I just miss him so much." 

I feel warm arms wrap around me as Ice pulls me in before letting go and turning to his computer.

You did what you thought was right. Don't let him tell you anything because he was the one who ended up hurting you. He left you for eight years, Ana. Eight years without a call, a text nothing. And when he saw you again he didn't even apologize. Yet you sit here and you cry because you miss him. You have the biggest heart out of anyone I know. He doesn't deserve that yet you give it to him because you love him, Ana. If he is too dumb to see that and just lives blinded by rage, then he is not the one for you. You are so much more powerful than him because you have always forgiven him. Don't let him pull you back down again.