MEND MY SOUL #12
Still at Siya's house.
Zola:I really don't know what to say, I'm really sorry for what your parents did. You have been through a lot and what I'm grateful for is that you never gave up. You kept on pushing and made a name for yourself. Something I wish I did.
She sighed sadly.
Siya:It's never too late.
Zola:I think it is, I'm 35 now. I don't see my life progressing for any good. 5 years to come I'm going to be 40,and what will I do when I'm 40? My childhood also wasn't lovely, I feel robbed of the chance to have been a child. I have so many regrets Siya, I wish to turn back time.
Siya turned her around and pulled her closer to him.
Siya:Please don't cry mama. I don't want to hear you cry, it's breaking my heart. Do you want to talk about it?.
She sniffed wiping her tears.
Siya:It's okay if you don't want to talk about it.
Zola:No, I will share my story. It's better to talk than to bottle things up in your chest.
She took a deep breath and started narrating.
Zola:Like you, I was also abused. Sexually, by my father whom I later found out was not my father, but uncle.
Siya clenched his jaws feeling angry.
Zola:I was 10(ten) years old when it started. I still remember it like yesterday, he came to my room and I didn’t suspect anything because I thought oh he's here to wish me a good night or read me a bedtime story. He sat next to me and threw the blanket on the floor. I sat on my butt and rubbed my eyes. I asked him, "Daddy what's wrong?", he didn't reply. He was angry, I got scared thinking I had done something to anger him.
He started to undress me and I tried to fight him off as I was now worried. He overpowered me and ripped off my underwear. It was so painful Siya, he forced himself on me. I begged, cried, screamed for him to stop but he didn't. He kept going and going, I bled terribly but he still didn't stop. He pushed his manhood on me, I cried for my mother to come and help me but she never did. I even passed out that night... So it went on and on, I tried going to the police and I was still young back then but he managed to convince them that I was lying. When I was 14 I got pregnant with his child, when I found out I wanted to abort but he threatened me and I tried running away from home. He found me, I didn't even make it far, he was a connected man. He drowned me on the tub and warned me to never test him. That's when I accepted my situation, I accepted that it was my fate to be abused by him. He hated me, I could see it in his eyes every time when his eyes met mine. See these little fading scars on my arms? I once tried committing suicide but my mother found me before I could die. She wanted to rush me at the hospital but Ndlovu didn't want her to use his car, he said I was already dead. He tossed me on the ground like I was some piece of trash. My friend back then, Nomtha was the one who took me to the hospital. She carried me on her back and walked on foot, as heavy as I was. I was given medical help quickly. I'm forever thankful for her, that's when the doctors told me that I would give birth to a disabled child. I was 14 and confused and lost, I felt like I was alone in the world. Nomtha was the only one who had my back.
Siya squeezed her hands and pulled her even more closer to him, his heart was heavy from what she said.
Zola:Even at school I was abused by the teachers, I even got raped at the toilets by one of my classmates. If Nomtha didn't come on time, they would have gang raped me.
Siya clenched his Jaws even more harder. He breathed heavily. Zola put her hand on his chest.
Zola:Ehlisa umoya Nyathi(Calm down). The time for me to give birth came, and I asked Nomtha to help me go to the hospital. Her mother luckily agreed to take us, when I gave birth I asked the doctor to help me. I told him my story and he agreed, he said he would lie to my family and friends that I died with the baby while giving birth and he will help me escape. Kanti I didn't know that I was running from hell straight into another one.
He managed to fool my family that I really died and presented fake bodies to them, none of them knew I was alive. I thanked him for his help and when the time came for me to go and run off, he refused. He said I can stay with him until my baby was a bit older because she was a bit young back then. First two months staying with him were alright, I felt safe and protected. I considered him as my older brother. The third month that's when deja vu started, he forced himself on me too. Of course I couldn't run, his house was security tight. I couldn't call anyone because everyone thought I was dead, he was beating me every now and then. He once bashed my head against the wall repeatedly that I felt my brain dropping. I was in and out of the hospital, one day I gathered strength and borrowed a phone from a nurse. I called Nomtha, and asked her to help her, because she's the one person I knew wouldn't let me down. But she didn't believe me, it was hard to believe it vele because I had been "dead" for four months.
I gave up completely and went back to the house with him. I started doing things to provoke him so that he will kill me, I was tired Siya. I wanted to die. Then one fateful day, I did one worst thing I never thought I would do. I was carrying a knife and was running it through my face, I wanted to gauge my eyes out. He came just when I had cut myself a little on my finger ;and took the knife from me and I shouted at him to bring it back. He didn't, I bit him and ran to pick up the knife again. I don't know what possesed me, but I shoved the whole knife on his head, I grinded a hole on him. I killed him... I killed someone.
She sobbed painfully, it pierced Siya's heart. He hugged her and shushed her. He was having mixed emotions, anger dominating. Zola never had a peaceful life, his childhood is nothing compared to hers. She was only 14! How could they do that to her?
Siya:Please stop mama, I don't think I can handle more.
Zola:No, I want to talk about this Siya. Please allow me.
He nodded and she continued.
Zola:After realizing what I had done, that's when panic and regret started to kick in. I didn't know what to do, so I buried his body on the backyard and washed the blood off the knife. I cleaned and scrubbed the knife.
I thought I covered my tracks, his brother came into the house and I hid until he left. Then Lungelo, my other childhood friend had contacted the social workers and they came to the house to rescue me but they were too late. I told Nomtha only about me killing someone. Years went by and police never came knocking on my door so I assumed that no one will ever find out. I continued with school, and I went to university. I was now 20 years old, doing my second year. That's when I got arrested. My friends not knowing what to do, went to child services for help. Sona, the social worker we knew was the one who helped me find a lawyer who would represent me. I was to plead guilty and my lawyer was to convince the court that I acted in self defense, but things didn't work out in my favor. Sona even tried presenting a letter from the psychologist that I was really having issues but still nothing. I was convicted for 15 years. 15 long years.
Siya:Wow babe....Tjoh 15 years! But wait... How did they know it was you? And shouldn't the body have been unrecognizable after 6 years?
Zola:That's the amusing part. The body was beyond recognizable, it was bones so there was no way that they could have found out it was me. And they said they found my fingerprints all over him, they had the murder weapon.
Siya:The knife?
Zola:Yes. Remember I told you his brother came to to look for him?
Siya:Yes.
Zola:He saw the knife and took a picture of it, he suspected that something was wrong. He left and I threw the knife away after making sure that I washed off all the blood, but he came back at night without me knowing. There were mini cameras at that house, that I didn't know of. He sneaked into the security room and retrieved footage of me killing Phakamani. He also took the knife that I had threw away. He saw the whole thing on footage and didn't say a word. When the social workers took me out of that house, that's when he came back and dug up his brother, did all sorts of tests and obviously the body was still fresh back then. So that's how the murder was traced back to me.
Siya:But why wait for 6 years to report you?
Zola:He said he wanted to wait until I was legally an adult so that I won't get away with it.
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To be continued
