"do you... trust me?" it's a low whisper, the king's soft lips pressed against the stuttering pulse in your throat. but you think, or maybe you hope, the implications are trying to delve much deeper into your heart. regardless, your answer has never...
"you cannot swim for new horizons until you have courage to lose sight of the shore."
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"I want an audience with jungjeon-mama." Though your legs are trembling, you stare down the guards posted at the door of the queen's chambers. The sun has only been in the sky for a few hours, but you could not wait to come here any longer, lest the anticipation consume you whole.
The two guards exchange looks, obviously recognizing you but unsure whether to let you in. Unsure if they want to be responsible for any possible altercations, you think. You cannot fault them for it. But before they can decide, the door opens from the inside to reveal one of the queen's maids.
"Su-uinyeo-nim," she says. "Please, come in."
You follow the maid down long corridors, the dream from last night repeating over and over in your mind. You hadn't been ready to accept Queen Jeonghui's words then, too afraid of the consequences of wanting. But now. Now, the reality of living without him is too much to bear without putting voice to your truth at least once.
In front of the sitting room, the maid comes to a stop. "Jungjeon-mama is in here." Another set of doors are eased apart.
The queen, beautiful and composed, sits on a bench before a low table, with another maid brushing her hair. She slides her cool eyes towards the noise.
You can see no surprise in her expression as she realizes who has come to her. What does that mean? You tense your muscles and walk in, until you are standing directly in front of her.
Perhaps the queen senses your determination, for she says to the maids, "Leave us." Then, when you are alone, she gestures to a bench. "Uinyeo-nim. Take a seat."
A direct order from the queen, but you shake your head. "No, thank you." Afraid you'll lose your nerve if you do.
"Hm." The queen doesn't mention it. Instead, she opens her jewelry box, casually lifting a pair of earrings as if you aren't present. "So, what brings you here at this early hour to pay me a visit?"
You've gone over this conversation so many times in your head, again and again, but none of those careful, diplomatic words feel right in this moment.
For once, you want to cut right down to the core of it. Past the politics. Past the veiled subtleties that make up the royal court.
"Jeonha," you start, your voice raspy but you continue. "Jeonha and I have an intimate relationship. Though he is the king and I a mere—" You cut yourself off, shaking your head. No more of that word. "And I am an uinyeo, not a palace woman, we have been lovers. We are lovers."
The queen's eyebrows raise. But before she can speak, you plow on. It's your turn now, damn it.
"If that makes you uncomfortable asking me for medical advice, I can arrange for one of my disciples to act in my place if you wish. If not, I assure you I will do my best to aid you in all matters, including conception and delivery. But I..." You scrunch your hand into a fist, forcing yourself to breathe, willing yourself stand up straight. "I'll no longer pretend as if he and I have no relationship."
