Tom Holland Saved my Life - So I Hooked up with Him

He Wants Me!

"Wait!" I heard him yell as I was about to leave. My head does a sharp 180 and I look to see him running up to me, something clenched behind his back. This is it, I thought, he's so going to ask me out. My heart was fluttering. "Hey, uh you - 

"YES, YES, YES!!! I WILL GO OUT WITH YOU"

"forgot your goggles..." he said as he handed them to me from behind his back. Dumbfounded, discombobulated, and flabbergasted I was. What the fuck did he mean, did I really just make a fool out of myself over some goggles??? No, there was no possible way he wouldn't want me, I'm an absolute hottie!

"Oh," I mutter "thanks."

Just then as he handed me my goggles, and turned around to leave, an event pamphlet dropped from his back pocket. I picked it up and promptly ran back home as the paparazzi were catching up to me. I looked down to see that it was a charity event that Tom was holding at the local nursing home. Oh Tom you sly dog, I thought, he was clearly too shy to ask me out on a date, so he planted this pamphlet to tell me the time and location of where to meet him. My uvula danced in joy, this was going to be amazing. 

Today is the day! The day of the charity event! Now, I don't like to brag or anything but I was looking stunning. I waxed my asshole, brushed my teeth, applied perfume (deodorant) and even showered for the first time in a month (usually the sea water from my swimming trips cleans me off). I made my way on foot to the nursing home!!!!

When I got there  everything was too good to be true. Tom was there looking so dapper in a handsome tuxedo and I walked in to greet him. But just then he started to make an announcement, "And it is my honor to give $2,000,000 for the renovation of this nursing home and its facilities!" What a kind man, I thought, but just then some old lady in a wheel chair and kissed him on his hand, AND HE SMILED AT HER. I WAS LIVID. FUMING. That old ass skank thinks she can get touchy with my man, well she has another think coming, I thought. I needed revenge, but first I needed to say hi to my date. I made my way up to the stage, very cutely, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"h - h - hello Tom , do you remember me?" I said making my cutest puppy dog face 

"Nurse!" he yelled, "One of your patient's escaped." I laughed, he has such a way with words, little did I know I was daydreaming of us. I was woken up from my repose when that old tramp from earlier came along and tapped me on the shoulder. 

"Please can you get off the stage, we want to take photos with Tom." I nearly got charged with homicide right then, but I kept my composure, her revenge was going to be worse. As they took photos I leapt into action. I found a bottle of super glue on a supply closet and a diabolical plan formed in my head. I splattered a bit of the sticky secretion on a part of the floor  where I noticed she always sat. When the decrepit bitch rolled off stage and into the glue I gave it 5 minutes before screaming 

"BOMB!"

In hindsight, maybe it wasn't the best idea to scare a bunch of people prone to heart failure.