𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐲 | robin buckley

(15) sam's problems are overwritten

"SO THEN AFTER I HAD MY MELTDOWN IN THE BATHROOM, I walked out there with a smile on my face and a purpose in my heart only to find some young curly haired child of Steve's stealing the show. Obviously by the time that had worked itself out, the moment was gone but I don't know... I mean, it seemed obvious. The song about not being able to love boys and then the comment about my eyes looking like the ocean, what do you think?"

Moss gave Sam a very skeptical expression from her position on the bed.

"I get what you mean" Sam sighed loudly as she flopped back against the bed and hit off the pillow, "and I've been a complete idiot because I should've said something. Imagine pouring your heart out into the open and receiving nothing in return... oh god I'm such an ass, that's it Moss, you're right... I have to do something"

Moss rested her head against her paws, staring at a spider crawling up the wall.

"But what can I do?" Sam pressed her hands to her face, "write her a letter? A song? Who am I kidding, I can't write songs. What if I write a speech and then memorise it so I know exactly what to say?"

Moss purred nonchalantly.

"You're right, that's too forged, she'll see right through it" Sam rolled over and groaned into her pillow, "but I have to plan it out" she continued, her voice still muffled, "because I swear to god I forget every single word in the English dictionary whenever I see her. It's like I unlearn how to speak and then words don't come and I end up saying something stupid"

Moss started licking her paws.

"You're so smart Moss" Sam sat up very suddenly, "I'll write the skeleton of a speech and go from there. That way I won't be completely stranded on the shore with nothing to say"

Moss let out a small mew.

"I know, I'm boring you" Sam kissed the cats head gently, "but you're the only one I can talk to about these things, you're so wise... I think you really understand me"

Moss gave Sam a strange look before she got to her feet and jumped from the bed.

"Love you too!" Sam called.

There was no paper in Sam's house which set her back a few minutes as she walked around in some old gym shorts and her favourite black hoodie. Eventually she found an old pizza box, ripping out the flat part before grabbing an eyeliner and sitting cross legged on her bed.

"Dear Robin" Sam stated, "wait no this isn't a letter... hi Robin, how are you doing today... wait no I sound like an elderly person, or a robot... an elderly robot um... sound cool, how do I sound cool... cool"

Sam sighed to herself as she stared at the eyeliner pencil and ripped cardboard in front of her. Words never seemed to spring to mind but she knew as soon as she caught sight of Robin they'd be overflowing at the sides of her heads like a rubbish bin. This analogy was accurate in the way that Sam only seemed to talk shit whenever she saw her.

However after another hour, Sam couldn't take it anymore. The cardboard lay empty and her inspiration was non existent. She watched Moss staring at her by the door before she jumped to her feet and grabbed some clothes. Getting ready was a rushed mess as her heart raced through her chest. The desire to see Robin was stronger than ever as she cursed her own name over over over again.

"You're such an idiot!" Sam yelled as she pulled her jeans on.

"Such an asshole" she continued when pulling a shirt over her head.

"You've been such a dick" she muttered, rubbing eyeliner over her waterline.

"Robin must feel terrible, because of you" Sam cursed, messing her hair up, "right... you've got this, just tell her how you feel. You used to be cool, remember that? No me neither"