anxious and alone |dnf|

not fair

TW: anxiety, depression, implied suicidal thoughts, personality change, addiction, withdrawal, drugs

Dreams POV:

"Fuck!" I yell, throwing the now empty pill bottle into a wall. It's been 14 days and now all 30 pills, which should've lasted 2 months, are gone. George had stopped texting me and now I had no source to block out the thoughts I knew would be coming. It's been 3 months without having to deal will all the bullshit I put myself through, and now it will come back.

"I'm not fucking doing this. Fuck everything," I pause to stand up and kick things out of my way, then push the door out of my face as I walk to the kitchen. "I cannot deal with this... this bullshit. Might as well just fucking end it all." I say under my breath.

The cabinet which held my medication was slightly opened. I open it and take out the first bottle I see. No. Then the next. No. And finally one more. No! What the fuck!

I slam the cupboard and walk back into my room. "They told me not to come back for another 2 months. It's not fair." I say to myself, then something in my brain clicks. "They said not to, but what about other pharmacies?" I get into my car once again, driving down to a new pharmacy. But as I began to walk up to the counter I started to feel a familiar feeling. My body felt like it was going to break down at any given moment. That feeling made my stomach drop.

"How can I help you today, Sir?" A kind man asks. I rest my elbows down on the cold, marble counter, and rest my cheeks in my hands. "I was wondering if you guys could fill a prescription for me?"

"Okay, what is your name?"

"Clay Miller," I say while feeling my legs begin to shake slightly. He searches my name up on his computer and looks back up at me, his expression the same as before. "Sorry, you filled it only 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately, I cannot give you any more."

I stand up straight again, this time my eyes begin to water. "But, I-I need it." I try to explain.

"Under your name, it has been noted that you are under watch for a possible addiction. I am legally not capable of giving you any until July 12th."

I shake my head in denial, tears rolling down my face. "That's not fair. Please. I can't-... please! I need it right now." I get no response. Fuck.

<<<>>>

The next day I couldn't move, and if I did it hurt. Worse than anything I've ever felt. I was expecting George to text me today, but he didn't even bother. At this point, I couldn't even bear to think about him. The only thing on my mind was how much my body hurt and how badly I craved the drug. Anytime I did think of him, it was about the way I despised him, the way he made me like this.

I couldn't catch my breath no matter how hard I tried. It was unstable and shallow. I slowly crawled up to my desk and took hold of my untouched phone. "Ah.. f-fuck." I then fell back to sit in the position from before.

The last time anyone texted me was a week ago. Nobody cares? I type in my password and quickly press the phone symbol.

"Hello? Where the hell have you been? I've been worried about you." George says in a panic. I pick up the phone shakily and bring it closer to me. My entire body ached and was covered in a layer of sweat. I had empty pill bottles scattered around the floor. One looked like it still contained contents, so I quickly grabbed it and opened it, then threw it back onto the floor, weeping.

"Clay, what's wrong."

"You-you d-did t-this to m-me." I sobbed near the end, dragging out the 'me'. I lay the phone in between my knees and covered my face with my hands. I whimpered quietly into them.

Pain, there was so much pain, everywhere.

"You're scaring me." George's voice sounded sad. "They won't g-give me a-anymore." I cried, my breath hitching in the middle of the sentence. "I n-need something to h-h-help with the p-pain, it hurts s-so b-bad." Every word I said was accompanied by air trying to escape my lungs.

"You.. you took too many. Oh my god." His voice cracked.

"This is all y-your fault." I wailed, covering my face again. My legs were curled into my chest and I was leaning into the corner of my room, crying and crying. "I h-hate you G-George, I f-fucking hate y-you. You a-are the reason I'm b-broken. I l-loved you." I hang up and throw the phone, curling myself closer and hiding my head in my knees. My shoulder shook up and down as I began to sob louder. He called back but I didn't have the strength to move around anymore. I'd be stuck here, unable to do anything, just cry.

He then texted and called again, and again, and again.

I couldn't go to sleep like this. I could barely even bend my fingers anymore. Parts of my body twitched sometimes and it hurt more than usual. I didn't know what was happening to me. I thought I was going to die, but by that point, I would've rather that than the torturous feeling that was cast upon me for hours.

My throat felt dry and sore and I couldn't keep my eyes open for more than 30 seconds. If I could only explain the sensation going through my body in one word, it would be fire. I felt like I was burning alive, and all from not taking a pill.

I need to find more. I can't handle this.

~

George pov next! Who else is excited?