notes about exes

Без названия, Часть 1

***

it was wrong.

it is wrong to remain good friends with an ex-boyfriend; it is wrong to conceal the desire not to move on without him; it is wrong to look at him longer than usual.

"how are you? hi, taehyung".

jungkook sees his ex in one stairwell and goes up with him to his apartment.

taehyung is handsome. there is a slight blush on his cheeks after a frosty walk on a December evening, with a package from the supermarket and a phone bursting with vibration in the pocket of a sheepskin coat.

he turns around and looks at jungkook amiably, immediately responding to him:

"it's been a long time, jungkook. I'm fine, but how are you?"

how's jungkook?

"i feel bad without you"; "you know, I still remember your lips on my lips and I want to pounce on you now and find out: your lips still taste like juicy strawberries, or..."

"jungkook-yi?" - taehyung mockingly looks at his ex and stops in front of his apartment, putting a bag of groceries on the floor.

"ah... sorry, I was thinking. namjoon is organizing a party for the new year, we are still neighbors and friends. will you come?"

jungkook looks at Kim with such a pleading look that the first one wants to give all the stars in the sky and rush into his arms.

taehyung doesn't stop smiling and goes to jungkook.

"yes, it would be nice", — he suddenly hugs him, so, in a friendly way, without any subtext, but Jeon's ground is falling out from under his feet, because taehyung still smells of morning jasmine and his, jeon's, first love.

"yes, it's amazing, yes".

he suffers because he cannot touch as before, look and dream.

***

***

***

"hello everyone, and here we are!"

there are too many people in a noisy apartment, but when the door opens and taehyung stands on the threshold, jungkook's heart stops when he notices that taehyung is holding the hand of another guy and smiling only at him.

cool. fucking adorable.

"oh, I'm very glad you're here too", - yoongi flies up to taehyung, dressed in something blue that perfectly matches his cold blonde. - "you won't believe it, but jimin proposed to me!" — yoongi talks a lot and non-stop while the confused taehyung is still holding his boyfriend, jumyung, by the hand.

all three of them walk closer to the sofa while jungkook is standing at the bar, trying to cast his gaze somewhere else. just not to look at the happy taehyung. sickeningly disgusted with myself and my own thoughts about this.

alcohol goes off with a bang; a tipsy seokjin tries to drive up to a completely sober namjoon, jimin and yoongi are still unable to get away from each other, and hoseok is talking on face time with his girlfriend. and only jungkook feels insanely lonely.

he takes advantage of the moment and sits down with taehyung on the sofa; jumyung goes to the bathroom, and kim drinks champagne with a slight sadness in her eyes.

"cool suit", — says jungkook and does not take his enthusiastic gaze from kim. he wants so much now to get close to te, kiss him and put him on his lap. so I just want to feel it. not to share with anyone.

"and you stirred up good cocktails, jungkook".

taehyung is slightly drunk and wants to say something, but holds on with the last of his strength.

"i..."
"i ..". — they begin at the same time, after giggling and trying to figure out who will continue his speech. — "come on, taehyung".

taehyung smiles nervously and licks his lower lip, continuing his speech.

"i'm sorry that I didn't come to the party alone. I didn't think that you must be uncomfortable about it".

jungkook does not look at the interlocutor, just smiles sadly. the alcohol in his blood starts to boil, and he doesn't think about what comes out of his mouth.

"and what does it have to do with me, taehyung? why are you thinking about me?"

taehyung feels the tension between them and responds with a short: "you're right, you have nothing to do with it", and then rises to his feet when he sees jumyung walking in his direction.

they look into each other's eyes so tenderly and tremblingly that jungkook's strength is running out.

pisses me off, how much it pisses me off.

***

***

***

there is a minute left before the chimes strike, and jungkook returns back to the bar, starting to pour cocktails for everyone, but mostly for himself, in order to finally forget himself and go far away with his thoughts. everyone in this room wants to make a wish on new year's eve, but not everyone understands that it would be better to make more efforts to, say, get an ex-boyfriend back.

"ten, nine", - hoseok starts counting down while the others are huddled together, and Jungkook happens to be next to taehyung.

their eyes meet. and jungkook is ready to swear that taehyung did it with such tenderness and affection, with such warmth that I wanted to take him now, hold him to me and never let him go again, but...

"...two, one, happy new year!!!"

there are enthusiastic shouts in the apartment, firecrackers are fired, and taehyung is kissing jumyung while jungkook does not take his eyes off them.

for some reason, taehyung looks guiltily at guk after that, lowers his head and sighs heavily.

"i still love you" - remains in the depths of his heart.
"i'm tired of loving you", - says jungkook's heart.

***