I can't write what i want to so i'll start another story, great fucking idea.
I'm also trying to make the MC sound British, which is harder than it should be even though i'm British myself.
I've seen quite a few 'institution' books recently on Wattpad so i thought i'd make my own.
This is basically my brain vomit so it was surprisingly easy to write, i wish my other stories were so easy.
🤷♀️👍🤦♀️🥴👌🙄
My head bobbed slightly as i listened to the music blasting from my headphones. My guilty pleasure was pop goes punk covers, and music ensembles, one of my favourites at the moment was Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back mixed with Slipknot's Psychosocial, trust me, it bangs.
The train was reasonably quiet this early in the morning, allowing me to have the luxury of stretching out my legs under the small plastic table that was surrounded by four chairs upholstered in lairy fabric. I stared out of the window watching the world whiz past, bathed in the orange light of the sunrise. The cold winter air creeped through the glass and chilled my face, condensation building on the glass from my breath.
The whole train shook gently as it travelled over the tracks, the quiet rumble familar and relaxing, allowing my mind to drift.
I let out a soft sigh, my fingers playing with the wires of my headphones as i gazed wistfully out the foggy train window.
My body longed for a dose of caffine but i'd refrained from buying a coffee at the station, knowing it would only aggravate my nerves.
A large backpack was on the luggage rack behind me, containing all my worldly possessions aside from what fit in the pockets of my clothes.
I never imagined i'd been moving away from home like this.
My family weren't necessarily homophobic, well, most of them weren't anyway, some of the older generation had made it clear what they thought about same sex relationships, but they were the ones still complaining about 'bloody immigrants' ruining our once great country.
The men in my family... i shook my head. I'd grown up hearing the words 'poofter' and 'battyboy'. I don't know if those derogatory terms were common in my part of England or were just exclusive to my family but i'd always cringed at the sound of them.
The way they'd stared at me once they'd found out... i didn't wait for the slurs to get thrown my way, i left as fast as i bloody could.
I'd grown up on a council estate, my family on benefits and doing working class jobs. My two uncles were drug users, the older one on the harder stuff and having previous convictions for theft, joy riding, amongst some less savoury crimes. He'd almost died a few times doing stupid things, or getting stabbed for owing the wrong people money, or just pissing them off.
The younger of the two sold weed, hash, cannabis, whatever you wanted to call it. He had a few minor runins with the law, a warning for possession, which got him a drug education course. I'd snorted when i got the news, he'd just use the opportunity to get more customers.
Both my parents had me young and separated soon after i was born so i'd lived with my grandparents almost all my life. I didn't really have a relationship with either of my parents, my mother having moved half way up the country to be with her flat cap wearing boyfriend that worked in a jewellery shop. My dad lived close but was busy with his wife, my stepmum. I had three step brothers and he stayed with the cheating bitch for them, i don't know why, if I was in my brothers' position i'd want her gone.
I'd made that clear but what could i do? I couldn't tell my dad what to do, he was a grown man and i wasn't close with my half brothers, probably due to the age difference and the fact i hated my step mother, even more so now that she'd cheated on my dad just like my mother had back in the day.
It made me loathe cheaters, seeing my dad hurt so much over and over. He was a great guy, awesome dad to my brothers and would do his best to help anyone out and worked hard to provide for his family.
It had hurt me growing up knowing i wasn't apart of that family. I felt unwanted and forgotten, left behind as they went on family holidays together or just simple days out.
I'd missed the normalicy of a regular childhood, of loving parents and siblings. My grandparents had done their best but they were older and couldn't really entertain a young child so i was mostly left to my own devices growing up, but atleast i'd had roof over my head, a warm bed and a full belly, i'd always be thankful to them for that.
I'd taken the teasing from classmates growing up in my stride, licking my wounds in private so not go encourage the verbal bulling. My parents absence wasn't the only subject of the playground teasing, living on a council estate with little money was also a favouite of the more fortunate kids.
I didn't go on trips and was the only one in uniform on non-uniform day, and i couldn't get involved in any activities that would be posted on the schools website as my aunt had a terrible taste in men, her boyfriend at the time had been abusive and had theatened to harm our family.
It had been a scary part of my childhood, i had to be picked up from my school hall rather than on the playground in case he tried to kidnap me. A fireproof bag had to be attached to our letterbox as he'd also threatened to set our house on fire and special metal latches had to be put on all the doors and windows to prevent them from being forcefully opened. Alarms had also been installed on those doors and windows and my aunt had an emergency button installed in her flat that would send police there in minutes.
She was pregnant at the time and eventually bounced between secret hostels that were for abused women until he was finally caught.
I still remember going with my nan to a random playground a few towns over just to see my aunt.
There were more abusive boyfriends as i grew up, but none as bad as that one.
When my mother was still in town she'd had her own bad boyfriend when i was still quite young. I don't remember his face like i did my aunts, his soulless black eyes and tanned skin from his Italian heritage. All i remember was the fear and how i'd insisted on wearing my running shoes.
My nan wasn't stupid and had forbid me from seeing my mum if he was with her and he ended up getting threatened and chased off by my family.
With my childhood i was an understandibly mistrustful and anxious person. A relationship wasn't something i was in a hurry to get into and i'd vowed to myself never to have children, i'd hate for my kids to grow up like i had and felt incapable of caring for one as i was never taught how.
Bad boyfriends of female family members weren't the only concerning adults i'd grown up around, one of my dads old friends... i don't remember his name, just his face and how he'd hang out with my dad with me in the car, back when i was still in a car seat, probably no older than five or six. He'd gotten convicted of something related to children a few years back, I dont remember what exactly what but i'm glad my dad lost touch with him years ago.
I was surprised when i found out i was attracted to men, a gender i'd grown understandably afraid of aside from a few family members, but even then i hated the sound of men arguing and shouting, any men, I couldn't help but flinch and shake with fear.
I hated conflict as well, i'd cry at the drop of the hat and it was no surprise i'd developed anxiety in my early teens.
My love life seemed hopeless, that and i had low self-esteem and depression, i didn't even like myself, so how was anyone going to?
The intercom of the train dinged so i pulled myself out of my depressing thoughts to listen, the automated females voice announcing that we'd soon be arriving at my station.
Papa Roach's Help started playing through my headphones and i sighed.
🎵'i think i need help'🎵
Yeah, no shit.
...
I'd made it.
I stared up at the large house with a frown and a wrinkled nose, checking the creased bit of paper i'd scribbled the address on, yep, i was at the right place.
It looked nice and inviting, even in this shitty weather. It was dark and cloudy today, a light rain/sleet fell and it was fucking freezing so my breaths came out as white clouds.
My fingers were painfully numb and red, much like my nose that was running and my ears were burning despite my pulled up hoodie.
I'm probably the only one whose come here voluntarily, if that didn't tell you how desperate i was than nothing would.
On their website it said they took in boys like me, mentioned some therapy and courses on how to survive in our world as part of the LGBTQ+ community. It was private rather than government funded, but nonprofit, so it was just in my budget.
It was no conversion camp thank fuck, but i was dubious as to the owners good intentions, i knew better than to trust random men that came into my life. Nobody had tried to molest or rape me yet, i felt like i came close a few times though.
I shivered and hunched my shoulders a little more, the weight of the heavy backpack making my back bow. I shoved my numb hands deeper into my hoodie pocket, the sound of my chattering teeth echoing in my head along with the music still playing from my headphones.
The house itself was bare brick with painted white windowsills and white plastic facers. The guttering looked knew and shiny in the dreary winter light, overall the house looked in good nick.
The small garden was manicured, grass kept short, a few winter flowers blooming against the short iron fence that had a few waist high stone supports at the corners and on either side of the closed gate in front of me. A stone path leading to the white wooden door with a fancy golden knocker and letterbox and i bet it wasn't hollow wood like all the doors i'd grown up with and wouldn't crumble with a well placed kick.
I chewed my chapped lips nervously, wincing as i tugged some dry skin off my bottom lip, licking it and tasting blood.
Here goes nothing.
I gripped the metal gate, hissing and swearing under my breath at how fucking cold it was, hurryingly undoing the latch and entering the garden so i could close it and let go of the blasted thing, my fingers burning and bright red. I shook out my hand before shoving it back in my pocket and legging it up the path, just wanting to get somewhere warm.
Along with bad mental health my family were predisposed to having iron deficiency and like most of England during winter i was low on vitamin d as well.
The low iron made me feel cold all the fucking time, tired and breathless, that on top of an English winter? Fucking wonderful.
Vitamin d deficiency generally worsened my depression but also made me feel tired and caused my whole body to ache, i felt like i was twenty-two going on fifty.
I laughed to myself under my breath and rasped my frozen knuckes on the front door, slightly dancing on my toes to try and keep warm.
It didn't take long for the door to open and I pulled my headphones off and around my neck so not to be rude.
I was surprised to see a guy in his mid to late twenties with noticable tattoos, something i wanted to have but was too bloody skint to afford.
I was also quite indecisive, but that was something we'd delve into at some point i'm sure.
"You must be Curtis Gray. I'm Nathan Cores, the one who keeps the lights on and the hot water running." He joked with a friendly grin and... was that a wink i saw?
Who fucking winks anymore?
"Can we continue the introductions indoors? I'm freezing my bloody ass off." I chattered, gratefully shuffling inside when he stepped back to allow me past and i groaned in relief and pain as the warmth hit me, my numb extremities burning and my glasses steaming up, another thing i hated about winter.
I shook out my hands and muttered curses under my breath, pointlessly blowing air up at my glasses and grumbling in annoyance when they didn't clear. I took them off and cleaned the lenses by tugging the hem of my shirt out from under my hoodie and rubbing the steam off.
The frame of my glasses were cheap and metal. They were round but a bit oversized so i wasn't subjected to Harry Potter jokes too often, but often enough that it still pissed me off.
It didn't help that i had a bowl cut until i was twelve and my nan had used an actual bowl. I probably would still have a bowl cut if i hadn't insisted on cutting my own hair, now my brown hair was a fluffy mess, much less embarrassing.
I was longsighted, badly enough that i needed to wear these sodding glasses all the time. It was an annoying expense i'd much rather be without but lazer surgery was even more expensive and the idea scared the crap out of me before i'd watched Final Destination, now there was no fucking chance.
I put my glasses back on, the still ice cold frames a shock to my flushed face and i sniffed as my nose ran even more than it had so far today, sodding weather.
I heard the front door shut and Nathan chuckling at my expense, making me scowl.
I might be scared of men but i wouldn't let it turn me into a frightened little rabbit. I was sarcastic and cynical if you gave me half a chance and you might get some dark humour if your lucky.
"Did you come far?"
I turned around at his question, shrugging on instinct. "Not really, few hours on a train and a ten minute walk either end."
"Well after you've taken your shoes off i can show you around and hopefully hunt down your housemates."
"Shit." I mumbled and hurriedly toed off my beaten up trainers, nudging them with my socked feet so they were against the wall by a bunch of others. "Sorry, i forgot my manners." I apologised to Nathan and he dismissed it with a smile and a wave of his hand.
"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt the first time." He assured and started to head deeper into the house and i hurriedly followed behind.
The house itself was as nice inside as it was out. The corridor off the front door and small entrance way was short and open, twisting stairs going up to the second floor just to the left and the door to the sitting room just after, the corridor opening to the large and bright kitchen diner.
The walls were all cream, the wooden doors, railing of the stairs were a dark wood, the floor lighter and grey rugs of different shapes and sizes were scattered around to stave off the cold.
The radiators had wooden covers that matched the doors, small ornaments on the the shelf of the covers. It appeared Nathan liked woodland animals from the selection of hedgehogs, foxes, badgers and birds and when i looked up pictures of those animals were on the walls, warming up the cool toned theme of the house.
I was plesantly surprised to see a ginger tom saunter across the corridor, Nathan having to come to an abrupt stop or step on the slightly plump and obviously spoiled feline.
The cat rubbed itself against Nathan's legs, his black jeans quickly getting covered in fur, although he didn't seem to mind.
"This ginger fluffball is Weasely." I groaned internally, guess we had a Harry Potter fan in the house, fucking fantastic.
You would of thought the cat would of been called Crookshank, but i guess it would be amusing to shout Weasely in order to call the cat.
"One of your roommates brought Weasley with them an i didn't have the heart to refuse. Everything i own is now covered in cat hair, but i'll admit he earns his keep."
"Are you a dog person then?" I asked.
He snorted lightly. "More like a fish person, or maybe a hamster."
"I like snakes." I added in for some reason.
He looked back at me eyes going from head to toe and then staring at my large rucksack with concern. "You haven't got one stashed on you i hope?"
I let out a short laugh. "In this weather?"
"Point taken." He murmured, stepping over Weasely and continuing on the tour, walking into the kitchen diner.
There was one person sitting down at the dining table that sat six, looking half dead and still in fluffy alpaca pyjama's, there dirty blonde hair sticking up every which way.
He was munching hungrily on a large bowl of what looked like coco pops, an empty plate with toast crusts beside it.
"Alistair." Nathan greeted with some amusment.
"Morning." Alisair mumbled between mouthfuls.
"Good afternoon." Nathan corrected, earning a half hearted eye roll. "This is Curtis, he's your new housemate." He introduced me and Alistair glanced up, a little chocolate milk dripping down his chin and Natan grimaced when Alisitar wiped his chin with a fluffy white sleeve.
"Chen's going to love you." Was all he said before going back to his extremely late breakfast.
I didn't need to guess why.
"If anyone comes at me with a black sharpie there will be death and murder." I practically growled.
Alistair snorted and then coughed, letting out a wheezed laugh as he slapped his chest, his breakfast obviously going down the wrong way.
"ARE YOU CHOKING?!" A voice screeched from the sitting room and i couldn't help it, i burst out laughing, memories of first aid training during ASDAN at school resurfacing.
"ON THAT DIIICK!" Another voice chimed in from behind me, socked feet thumping on the wooden floor just before a tall and lanky guy swaggered past me.
Nathan just sighed and rubbed his temple. "You boys will be the death of me." He muttered.
I think i'll like this place.
