I know it's already a bit late to re-inject some words back into our relationship, but still, I just hope that it's not too late.
That day when you drove away leaving me stranded, I couldn't quite understand what to do. I didn't show then, but even I was angry Sumedh. Maybe a lot more than you. And that angry part of me was constantly ordering me to run up the stairs and turn my back on you. But somewhere in the corner of my heart, there was a hope that you'd come back. It believed that the strength of our friendship will make you turn the car around. Unfortunately, it didn't know that some threads had already torn from the bond of our friendship.
That night, I shut myself in the bathroom and I cried. I don't know why but I was afraid to cry in front of Pooja. She wouldn't have judged me, I know that. But the fact is, I wasn't ready to let her know that you were the reason behind those tears.
Remember you asked me whether you were just a someone to me. I repeat my words again Sumedh, you have never been just a someone in my life. You've been special right from the day we met. The thing that separated you from everyone else was your ability to make me smile at all times. And maybe that's why I couldn't come to terms with the fact that you can make me cry too. I know it's pretty harsh and it's not right of me to think like that, but I'm afraid that's how it is.
It's doesn't matter now anyways.
What matters is that I don't want us to end up the way we have right now. I don't exactly remember how the first three four days went on after that night. I guess a mixture of anger and hurt ripped them out of my life. Though once those feelings subsided, I started to notice your absence.
I miss your chatter, your sarcastic jabs, your foolish ways, those late night songs, I miss all of it. No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, the truth is that I've grown accustomed to your presence. And now when it is not there, I'm terrified. Your absence is hurting me a lot more. And this hasn't happened with any other friend before. You're special that way too. More often than not you make me feel the emotions that I haven't felt before. And when I think of it that way, I leave myself no other option but to accept the fact that we aren't just friends.
Yes Sumedh, I accept it today. We are something more than just friends. And I want us to stay like that forever. You might think of me as a coward for not saying all this while in front of you or on a phone at least, but trust me Sumedh, I would have never hid behind a letter if it was in my hands. At the moment, this was the only way of talking to you.
I don't know whether you know or not, but I'm not in town anymore.
When I finally started to accept my feelings for you, when I was about to end the silence, life decided to flip it around. I got a call from home on Sunday and had to rush here without further ado. I'm sorry I didn't inform you when I still had the time, but it doesn't matter anymore.
All I want to say right now is that nothing's over, not from my side at least.
I don't believe that our relationship is fragile enough to break on a little blip like that. I'm sure it can bear much more before it decides to call it an end - if it ever ends. And so, all I can do now is hope that you feel the same.
Don't let that silence be the silence of end Sumedh.
Let it be the silence of a new beginning. Let it mark the start of us being something more than just friends. Please Sumedh, give us another chance.
I'll meet you when I get back. Or sooner if life permits.
Till then, all I can do is keep missing you.
~ the girl who's not just your friend anymore, Your Mallika...
***
The ball is officially in Sumedh's court now.
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