The North

Chapter 20

Tha an fhìrinn fhèin searbh uaireannan - sometimes the truth hurts

Chapter 20

***

Beneath a dreary sky and trudging along the road that had turned to slush beneath our paws, it was easy to follow the tracks that belonged to the females we hunted down.

Unfortunately, the wet ground made it hard to catch a scent, but when we did, it was Linnea's I picked up first. Barking for Caldar's attention, he trotted over to sniff around the mess of paw and footprints crisscrossing the road. Together we followed until I caught the unmistakeable chemical sweetness of Ingrid's scent. A little further on, we found her dress ditched in the snow and the imprints of her boots became smaller pawprints. I was glad Linnea had thought to go after her friend, two would be easier to find than one.

Caldar howled, the sound ringing out long and loud to let Hati know we'd found a scent.

Chuffing so a puff of white billowed from my nose, Caldar and I threw ourselves into a run. Fortunately, either Linnea or Ingrid had sense to turn East into the forest and towards the river before they reached the flatlands marking the outer edge of the territory. Tree cover meant we didn't have to keep dragging our paws through deep snow, and we could properly stretch our legs to catch up. Clumps of ice formed on my fur, melting to freeze my ski beneath. The tracks were at least easy to follow; the two females had left a trail of broken twigs, cracked frozen puddles, and even fur snagged against bare brambles.

Now I understood Gerlac's angst. He hadn't taught his female how to use the forest to her advantage.

When the sound of the river reached us, we slowed our approach. Below the rush of water, was the soft sound of a female crying. We stopped at the break in the trees and found Ingrid alone at the river's edge.

Arms wrapped around bare legs, auburn hair spiralled down her back, the ends dark brown from the damp rocky shore she sat on. She lifted a hand to wipe her nose and peered back at us with red-rimmed eyes. I half expected her to demand we leave, or at least for me to go, but maybe she didn't recognise who'd come for her.

"I don't want another fight," she whispered hoarsely. "I accept that you won."

So she did know.

Shifting back to skin, I made my way over and tried not to shiver. Rocks dig into the soles of my feet, patches of ice stinging where skin had softened from use of shoes. Cold air billowed from the cold water, some parts close to the edge already frozen over, the air ringing with sharp cracks as parts melted again. It was no wonder Ingrid's teeth chattered as they did. Even with the sun trying to break through thick snow clouds overhead, this was no place to be without fur or clothes.

"We just wanted to make sure you were safe. Your father said you were headed south and was concerned. There's trouble at the border, you know that."

She nodded sheepishly, sniffing again. "I was running with Linnea, and when I realised we were going South, I changed direction."

Caldar nudged his body against mine, his ears flicking in every direction as his eyes searched our surroundings. I got his meaning.

"Where is Linnea?"

"I lost sight of her when I decided to turn East, she kept trying to urge us the other way. Maybe she got turned around, the snow makes everything look the same and she is a lot slower than I am. Do you think she's alright?" Real panic tightened her voice as she sat up straighter. "Neither of us are used to running without a guide and I don't think she knows the territory very well. What if she gets lost? What if she went further South?"

Caldar shifted to skin beside me and glanced back the way we'd come before looking back at me. His jaw worked as he considered something before he said, "I'll look for Linnea. You and Ingrid return home, follow the river and do not stray. Hati and Gerlac, or one of the patrols, will come across you before long."

Ingrid cleared her throat and got shakily to her feet, immediately ready to obey while I debated whether leaving Caldar alone was a good idea. He was a strong wolf, strong enough to be Beta while not being a member of the Vargr, but still; he was susceptible to the blood of the creatures prowling the borders.

"I want your word, Eabha. Straight back."

I spluttered indignantly, but the male only cocked a brow and folded his arms.

"Fine," I muttered. "You have my word. But quite what you think I'll do between here and the castle, I don't know."

The Beta chuckled and said something under his breath that was too quiet to make out. I had the feeling he was lucky I didn't hear. Taking the form of his wolf once more, he made one last point of jerking his head towards the castle before bounding back into the trees.

I shifted on my feet once Ingrid and I were left alone, feeling the tension as palpable as a wall between us.

"You can take to fur again if you like but I don't think I can shift again so soon."

Frowning at that strange reason, I studied the rattled female as she began to trudge down the river bank. She walked as if in pain, though I could see no visible injury. Did it hurt her to shift? If so, why? It didn't matter I guessed, she was determined to bear the cold, but I didn't have to. . . Then I huffed because I knew I couldn't take the whole way back in silence. Catching up with her, I hoped wrapping my arms around my middle and rubbing warmth into my skin would work.

"Why did you challenge me, Ingrid?" I asked. "You must have known you wouldn't win."

She sighed, looking down at the grey pebbles shifting beneath her weight with every step. "Exactly. I knew I would lose. In front of everyone, Father especially."

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't," she snapped, then sighed again, shaking her head and softening her tone. "You're a wolf, Eabha. A real wolf. You were brought up in a pack; you know what that means, how to act, when to play, when to use teeth. You're used to the constant touching, you understand the nuance of small sounds and actions. You can hunt, and track, you are completely in tune with the instincts of your fur. I was brought up amongst humans, I never had the freedom to shift when I wanted, I never learned pack dynamic, or even the dynamics between other wolves.

"When we arrived here, Father made sure we did not have to lower ourselves simply because we were, for lack of a better word, tame. Our money and ties to human nobility granted us rank, but I don't understand what it means to be highborn in terms of a pack." She levelled me with a look, stopping our progress. "Do you think if I told Father I had changed my mind and now held no desire to be Hati's mate, of ruling a pack, that he would let all his hard work blow away like the ashes of a fire?"

I scoffed. "You don't want to be Alpha Female?"

She barked a laugh in return, her hands flying up in defeat. "How can I be an Alpha Female when I don't even know what that means?"

We stared at each other in silence as I digested what she said. I studied what Ingrid probably missed in others. Her heartbeat had not stutter as she spoke, her breathing hadn't changed. A flush was in her cheeks but that could be the panic I still saw shimmering in her eyes, the same look I saw in prey before I pounced to close their eyes forever. She wanted to be believed, but there was still something she was hiding, a half lie she concealed.

"What about Hati?" I dared to press. "You can't tell me you don't want him."

A skipped beat betrayed her, but more so the wistful smile softening delicate features. "Hati is a good male. He's strong, fierce, handsome, even playful. . .since you arrived. A female can't help but feel attracted to him, no?"

My cheeks reddened and my tongue felt thick so I simply nodded in agreement. There was much to admire in him. Much that would make him a good male to have at one's side. His pups would be strong, and he'd be capable of defending them, providing for them. All things we instinctually looked for in a mate.

"I could love him, I imagine, if we mated." She gave me a look as I bristled, and I stiffened as she reached out hesitantly to grip my arm. "But he will never love me. In fact, I think he would grow to resent being bonded to me. I don't want that. You may look down on me, others too, but. . ." Her hand fell back to her side and her shoulders hunched, head falling forward. "I'm sorry for what I've done, the rumours I spread. Father had drilled into me that being Alpha Female was what I wanted, what I should strive for, and I used what I'd learned from my time with humans to keep the place I thought I deserved. After seeing you two together, the way you looked at one another. . .You were drawing the eye of a male you might as well have rejected, and he still wanted you. You were disregarding all I'd been taught a female should want and others still praised you.

"Why couldn't it have been that easy between the pack and I, Hati and I? Why couldn't I have all the knowledge you had so he would see me as more than an arrangement he had to deal with? Nobody looks at me the way the pack looks at you when you walk by, the same way they look at him. Nobody talks about me the way they talk about all you've accomplished to get your family here, all you've done since; with admiration and respect."

Nudging a pebble, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before lifting sombre green eyes to mine. "I can't compete with you. I tried and I didn't come close. If I became Alpha Female, I would forever be in your shadow, forever fighting to prove myself worthy enough, and the thought of that makes me feel sick and helpless."

"But did you realise this before or after you challenged me?" I asked ruefully.

She gave me a wry smile, but there was something sad about the way her brows drew down. I realised she was still coming to understand all that had happened since my arrival, still unpicking the parts of herself she didn't like and understanding the reasoning behind actions she regretted.

"I never wanted to leave home, I never wanted to live in a pack, like a wolf, like you're used to. I've always wanted my life back. I've always wanted our hall back. But, I won't lie; I challenged you out of resentment, out of fear of losing my position because that was all I had left. I hated being forced to submit to you. It was humiliating, and it should have made me angry, I should have been furious with you, and perhaps I was a little angry. . .However, I mostly felt as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulders." Her frown turned to a grin, and then a laugh. "It had to happen the way it did, I see that now. If I had come to the realisation any other way, my father would not have listened to me if I said I no longer wished to be Alpha Female. But in losing to you in front of everyone?

"There's no arguing with that. The pack will not allow me to be Hati's mate after seeing my defeat; no matter what Father holds over the council. They will not put me into a position I am only now realising I could never have done well in. I am upset, it will take a while of licking my wounds before I can show face in the hall again, but I am grateful to you as well. Without you, Hati and I would have been locked in a mating and marriage neither of us wants, and the pack would have suffered for it."

I stared at her in amazement, and awe at her ability to manipulate her way out of a situation; a trait that most definitely came from her father. She and I were complete opposites of the other in so many ways, not to mention she'd spread horrid lies about me throughout the pack, had openly disrespected and insulted me, so why was I feeling a flicker of empathy and kinship with her?

A sour taste filled my mouth when I figured it out. Ingrid felt trapped, had only one duty given to her to fulfil, and reacted as any wolf would to a potential threat to that; lashed out. I'd felt trapped by a duty to get my family to safety, then threatened by the idea of Hati taking that one thing I had control over away. I'd lashed out at him when he'd tried to look after Niamh. He'd forgiven me. . .and I was no hypocrite.

Some of my hate for the female melted away to be replaced by understanding, but not trust. I could hear truth in her words, but she'd proven she was an expert in ways of conversation that I was not. At the very least, she deserved the benefit of the doubt. If all she said was true, Ingrid and I might have more in common than anyone could have guessed.

Aware she would be uncomfortable having me too close, I settled for a smile, reaching out to brush my fingers over the back of her hand instead of pressing my cheek to hers. "I think you are more self aware, and far cleverer, than you and many others might give your credit for. I underestimated, and misjudged you. What you did was a bold move."

"Reckless perhaps." She eyed the spot I'd touched on her hand with a frown. "You judged me perfectly well, I fear. Do not think that what I did was controlled by unknown motives. The only reason I challenged you was because I let my emotions get the better of me. The outcome was simply. . . unexpectedly desirable."

I laughed heartily at that, and she seemed shocked by the sound of delight coming from. . .because of her. I was too, but the world was so full of insanity right now, that I didn't have the energy to question it.

"So what will you do now, Ingrid Nic Gerlac?"

"Maybe father will reconsider marrying me to a mortal when it's safe. I would be happy running our home, or staying at court, having children who wouldn't need to worry about this world; they would be practically human themselves. I'm sure we could find a marriage for me that would help the pack in some way."

Her wish to be married off as a trade, as if she was an item to be bargained over, was one I didn't understand. Nor was her wish to live a tempered life as a human. How did she so easily deny and suppress being a wolf? How could she want to, and even manage, to live concealing what she was?

"You will make a good Alpha Female, Eabha. I gracefully bow down to you."

She blinked as I burst out laughing, the sound ringing out in the still, snow-muffled air. I urged us to keep walking lest we unleash Beta Caldar's wrath and shook my head at her. "I'm not going to be Alpha Female. I think this morning proved Hati and I aren't compatible."

"What happened this morning?"

That was a good question. One to which I didn't have a real answer for. "We. . .I think we fell out."

Ingrid let out a giggle, and the happy sound coming from her nearly sent me flailing into the river.

"Hati falls out with Caldar all the time, it doesn't mean they are not good friends."

If only it were that simple.

A snapping branch echoing from the other side of the river stopped me short, my eyes darting across to the trees on the other side, searching every shadow and moving branch for sign of life. The river was narrow here, only a few feet across, and I was suddenly certain something was watching us on the other side.

"Eabha? What is it?" Ingrid backtracked to where I'd stopped and followed my line of sight.

"You didn't hear that?"

"Hear what?"

A rush of energy thrummed through me, and suddenly I got the strange sensation I was falling, though I remained on my feet.

I'd felt this before, knew what was coming as hundreds of voices all cried out in unison. Darkness encompassed my vision, but just as quickly it was clearing, though I wished it hadn't. The river stopped moving, the wind stilled, and I stood staring down at my own crumpled form on the ground. Ingrid was at my side, shaking my shoulders and leaning down to hear my breath. Whatever she found left her shaken and turning around to scream but the sound didn't reach wherever I was.

It was unnerving, the view of us distorted as if through warbled glass. Again and again I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my face to try and wake up, but just as before in the hall with Narfi, nothing changed. I was stuck in this strange place between veils that was both freezing cold and all too hot at once.

Another snapping branch from across the river and I began to back away, trying to call on the instincts of fur but I didn't seem to have access to that here. I couldn't shift, and I somehow knew it wasn't Narfi creeping closer. Then, relief flooded through me as Hati appeared on the other side of the river. Moving a spindly branch away from his face, he froze when he spotted me. I took a few excited steps forward before noting that his hair was the wrong colour, black as pitch instead of sunlight gold. His eyes were wrong too. It wasn't burning orange that raked up the length of me, but startling liquid silver.

"You're not really here are you, Skoll?" I whispered, but he heard me well enough, could probably hear the terror tightening around my throat.

"No, Little One," he replied, his voice slightly scratchier than that of his twin. "I'm not. I wasn't sure my presence alone would trigger your power, but I'm very pleased it has so I can finally meet the she-wolf being whispered about on the wind."

My gaze fell to the hazy view of Ingrid still trying to wake me, her cries for help muffled as if under water. I wondered if my heart had stopped like last time, if Ingrid believed me dead for I could see my chest didn't rise and fall with breath and the panic widening green eyes was frantic and stricken. It was oddly nice to know she must have cared about me a little bit to react in such a visceral way.

Lifting my gaze slowly back to one of the beings responsible for my grief, I straightened up with feigned confidence and forced my voice to come out strong. "I heard you moving even before I fell."

He hummed and nodded, the pebbles beneath his boots not making a sound as he crept closer. "Yes, even awake, you seem to be able to hear through the veil. An impressive magic, I have to admit. Freyja gave you more than I expected when I came to see for myself what Hati had stumbled across in the snow."

I shivered. He knew everything, down to where Hati had found me. How? Only the pack knew where I'd been found. . .

Skoll smirked, a cruel twist of lips that made a pit form in my stomach. He came to a sudden stop at the river's edge and frowned, a muscle in his neck straining as if something held him back. I had to thank Ingrid for choosing this spot, for I'd been right, the river would not allow evil to cross.

"Go on, I can see it in your face," he called across, any irritation at being held back gone in a flash. "Tell me what you've figured out."

"You have eyes in the territory, or worse, the pack."

He didn't confirm nor deny. Glancing at where my body lay, he chuckled as if he found the sight of a panicked Ingrid amusing. "Do you know what you are yet, Little One?"

I hated him calling me that, hated the twist on the name his brother had given me that felt more like an insult than an affectionate nickname. Hati was very careful who he used Little Alpha in front of, which made me fear Skoll's spy was someone close to the Alpha's inner circle.

Striding as close to the water as I dared, I decided Skoll might know more than he let on. Freyja had given me something, he'd said, and he seemed to like to speak. I could keep him speaking until help arrived. "Hati and Eirny think I might be a seer blessed by your Gods. Or Freyja, as you seem to think."

"Ah yes, my dearest brother. Always so blind to what's right in front of him." Skoll sighed as if disappointed, shaking his dark head and tutting at his refection in the eerily still river. "Stealing souls from Nàströnd to create my creatures has caused chaos in my aunt's realm of Helheim, can you sense that? Can you hear their screams? The veils separating each part, the borders that keep the good from the bad in the afterlife, it's beginning to crumble; not something I planned but it has kept the gods-" He spat their title into the dirt and his eyes flashed a silver that reminded me of a full moon. "They're distracted by that. They don't look down here as often as they should. Hati should know, he should have figured it out. My Blood Drinkers return, and then a female practically drops from the sky, with your abilities, right into his lap and he refuses to put the pieces together."

I backed away a few paces, terrified of the eerie mirage of Hati in black and white; his smile as familiar and dashing as his brother's and yet cruel and foreign at the same time. His ramblings were making less and less sense but still I knew every word was important to remember. I watched him begin to pace the rivers edge, growls rumbling from his chest as he stared at the water with a growing static around him that put me on edge. Did he have the power to force his way past the barrier the river created?

"Keep him talking."

A lump formed in my throat, my ear tickling as if warm breath had joined those whispered words. I'd know the timbre of that voice anywhere. Mànas. Was he here?

The change in my breathing must have gotten Skoll's attention. His power snapped back inside him and he narrowed his eyes at me. Before he could have the chance to figure anything out, I threw at him, "Hati told me what you did, how you used him. Tricked him. Lied to him then discarded him. He told me what Freyja said too; that he would find the power he needed to undo what you did. You won't win Skoll."

My threat was empty, so I was confused when a flash of surprise crossed his face. Silver eyes flicked up to the grey sky in the same way Hati's often did, and while he wasn't looking, I searched the forest for any sign of Hati, grew further worried when Ingrid stood. It made sense that she would go to seek out help, but I feared being left alone.

"Powers like that of which Freyja spoke could not be left to flurry around the cosmos," Skoll explained, drawing my attention back to him. "Nor can it be imbued into an object or something more abstract. Hati would know this if he wasn't so against such magic, if he'd learned what I offered to teach. I, on the other hand, knew they would create a vessel, one of Midgard to keep her safe and hidden, but with a lineage that would allow them to use the magic gifted to them. I am pleased they made you so. . ."