Criminals Minds One-Shots

F - your love (lifts me up like helium)

Emily sat at her desk, her heart pounding as she tried to finish the report for the last case. She couldn't keep her mind focused on the task at hand, being drawn to the pounding in her chest. She could hear her heartbeat in her chest and when she stood up to grab herself a glass of water, her heartbeat seemed a thousand times louder than her footsteps.

Her hands shook as she poured herself a glass of water from the jug she kept in her office and she ended up spilling a few drops over the table. She didn't trust herself to clean it up at the moment, in case she knocked anything off the table. Just as she picked up the glass to take a sip, Emily's desk phone started ringing, which caused her to drop the glass she was holding. It landed against the table with a loud thud, making Emily flinch. She paused for a moment, trying not to cry, but everything seemed far too overwhelming at the moment.

She stood in the middle of the room, finding herself unable to move. She just focused on breathing, on feeling more normal. Once the phone stopped ringing, Emily found it easier to focus. So, she made her way back to her desk and sat down. Everything else could wait. She just needed to breathe.

With the silence, Emily found herself feeling worse, like she was falling further into the panic, now. Her right leg was shaking under the table, bouncing up and down, and when Emily stood up, she felt her legs almost buckle. The only thing that kept her upright was her grip on the edge of the table.

She was experienced with panic attacks by now, if you could call it that. They weren't anything new, anymore. It had been years since her first one and she could usually tell when one was coming. This one, however, she wasn't prepared for.

Emily grabbed her phone and made her way out of the bullpen, mumbling about needing to go to the store for something, and she made her way to the elevator.

She could feel someone's eyes on her as she reached for the button on the elevator and cursed under her breath as she heard the clicking of heels across the wooden floor.

"Em, are you okay?" JJ asked. She stepped closer to Emily as the brunette turned around.
"Fine, thank you, JJ. I've just got some stuff I need to sort out," Emily said, forcing herself to smile. She imagined it looked more like a grimace than a smile but she was doing the best that she could. JJ could probably see right through her, and when she didn't say anything, Emily let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll see you in a bit," Emily said, stepping into the elevator. JJ didn't follow her, just nodding. "I've got my phone, if you need me," Emily called out as the doors closed behind her.

Only once the doors were closed did Emily press a button, opting to go to the top floor, instead of outside for a walk as she'd originally planned. She leaned against the wall of the elevator, the upward movement calming her slightly.

The ding of the elevator pulled Emily out of her thoughts and she watched the doors slide open before stepping out. She gave the team a wave as she passed them all, making her way to the door in the far corner of the room. She pushed it open and made her way up the hidden staircase, unlocking the other door with her key and then stepping outside.

It was in moments like this that Emily was grateful that they didn't work in the middle of the city. She looked over the balcony, feeling the wind blow in her hair. She breathed in the air, the placebo effect of fresh air helping her heartbeat slow down.

She didn't notice her phone ringing, JJ's name flashing up on the screen, or the text she sent either. She didn't hear the door or the staircase open, either. The only thing that pulled her out of the feeling of complete serenity was JJ's soft hand resting on her lower back.

"Hey," JJ murmured, her voice just above a whisper. "I thought I'd find you here," she said, her arms wrapping around Emily's waist. She rested her head on the other woman's shoulder, the advantage of her heels allowing her to do so.

Emily stiffened at the contact, before allowing herself to relax, remembering who she was with. "I feel a little overwhelmed," Emily admitted. "I had a panic attack. Have I been gone long?" She asked, melting at the feel of JJ's nails scratching at the arms gently. It was the same feeling as when she scratched Emily's back, usually an easy way to calm her down.
"A while, but it doesn't matter. You should take as much time as you need, the team understands," JJ said, pressing a kiss to the side of Emily's head.

"But-" Before Emily could say anything else, JJ interrupted her.

"But nothing, Em. We can manage without you for a few hours. If you want to home, we can, okay?" Emily turned around in JJ's arms, resting her forehead against the other woman's.
"Can we? I don't want to be rude but I really need to go to bed and I need some cuddles."
"Of course, we can, my love. Let me know when you're ready and we can go." Emily buried her face in JJ's neck, her arms wrapping around the blonde's waist. JJ reciprocated the hug, her arms wrapping around Emily's waist, her hands pushing up the hem of Emily's shirt to scratch her nails over the small of Emily's back.

A few minutes passed before Emily lifted her head, pressing a kiss to JJ's cheek.

"Home, please," Emilyrequesting, reaching for JJ's hand and giving it a soft squeeze.

"Time to go home now, my love," JJ agreed, keeping her grip on Emily's hand as they made their way to the staircase.

- - - - -

Once they made it back to the bullpen, Emily was grateful that nobody looked up as they walked through the office, no longer holding hands. They weren't ready to tell everyone about their relationship yet, despite their living together.

Emily made her way back into her office, cursing that she hadn't yet cleaned up the spilt water, but as she approached the table, she noticed that it had been done for her, a smiley face and a lopsided heart on a Post-it note, presumably from JJ. She left it there for when she would have a tough day in the future, an unspoken reminder of JJ's love for her.

- - - - -

For the whole car journey home, JJ held Emily's hand in hers, her thumb rubbing over the skin of Emily's hand while she drove. They didn't need to say anything, the physical contact and the music being enough.

Once they got inside, JJ grabbed them both a drink and a snack, which they consumed before they got comfortable on the couch, JJ sat down and Emily straddling her lap, curled around JJ like a panda wrapped around a bamboo tree.

JJ's hands scratched at Emily's back again, the brunette sighing with contentment, her breathing beginning to even out.

JJ tickled Emily's sides, causing Emily to let out a squeak at the surprise and then a grunt at the embarrassment of being caught.

"No sleeping. If you want a nap, we can go to bed," JJ suggested, feeling Emily nod. "Okay, let's go."

JJ almost complained at Emily's boney limbs digging into her as she climbed off her lap, but she decided against it this time. Emily was too tired to be teased and JJ would rather her partner sleep than complain. Wouldn't everyone?

Emily changed into her pyjamas, waiting for JJ to do the same, and once JJ was lying in bed, Emily climbed in too, resting her head on JJ's chest. She listened to the other woman's heartbeat as she fell asleep, feeling more comfortable than she had in a long time.