Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier/White Wolf Oneshots

Lone Wolf: A Bucky Barnes Oneshot

You are sitting in a coffee shop when you see him. He's tall, has dark brunette hair, and brooding steel blue eyes. He is dressed in all black and sticks to himself. You watch him go to the barista and order a coffee, black with sugar. You can tell something is bothering him. He is upset about something and you want to see if he's alright. Should you intrude on his problem? Should you just let him be? You wrestle with whether or not you should ask him about his pain without letting him know you are staring at him. Your decision is made for you when he turns around, coffee in hand, and sees you looking in his direction. Your heart skips a beat as sweat seeps from your pores and gently cascades down your face. You quickly grab the book in front of you and flip to a random page. In your anxious embarrassment, you drop the book. 

Before you can pick it up a black metal hand with intricate golden swirls delicately picks up the book and hands it to you. You take it sheepishly and look up. There is a wonderous look of amusement in his eyes and a half smirk tugs at the corners of his delicate lips resulting in the soft, scrunch of his softly angular nose. You feel an electrical pulse coarse through your body with his proximity. You take a breath and clear your head. 

You steady yourself and look at him once more and utter, "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare, it's just...You seem sad and troubled, and I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it?" your heart skips a beat as he studies you. 

He delicately shifts his coffee from his flesh hand to his metal one as he looks around the cafe before slowly refocusing on your gentle, non-threatening gaze and barely utters, "I'm fine, it's nothing. I'll get over it" he half-heartedly smiles and goes to leave. 

You stand up and extend a hand to him, "Wait, I can see that something's bothering you. Please don't go just yet." 

He stands there a minute, shakes his head, and softly mutters, "You wouldn't want to know" he sips his coffee. 

You sigh and gently utter, "Try me." you study him.

He sighs, sips his coffee again, grimaces, half-smiles, and says, "This coffee kinda sucks," a few seconds go by before he says, "You sure?"

You smile and say, "Trust me, I can take it," you tilt your head to the right and softly say, "Tell me what's on our mind." 

He sighs and slowly sits down across from you, fiddles with his cup of coffee, and softly says, "I have done bad things for bad people." he stares blankly into his coffee before shyly glancing up. 

You notice his dark undereye circles and utter, "These bad things are costing you sleep aren't they?"

He nods and mutters, "I can't shake the guilt and shame I feel when the horrors of my past flash in my mind a constant reminder of the innocence I ripped from this world." he covers his face and sniffles as tears caress his cheeks.

You stay silent for a while before responding, "These bad things you did, did you do them willingly?" 

You see him go rigid as he slowly looks you in the eyes and quietly says, "No, I didn't have a choice." 

"I see, you feel guilty and ashamed that you could be so easily forced to do horrible things to innocent people?", you study him.

He sighs, sips his coffee, and mutters, "I wasn't that easily forced to do those bad things. It took twenty years for them to break me," after a beat, "Do you want to know what finally broke me and made me give up hope of rescue?"

You bite your lip before responding, "Wow, twenty years, that should be a world record or something," after a shameful beat, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make light of a traumatic situation. Anyway, what did cause you eventually break?" 

He sighs, studies his coffee before staring off into the distance, and sadly utterly, "I was told that Steve, my best friend, was dead and that meant no one to come and save me, so I gave up and let the memories fade away because anything was better than the pain of remembering someone whose dead and not coming back," after a long pause and a sip of coffee, "But lo and behold, there Steve was under that damn bridge fighting for his life and all he had to do was say one damn word, Bucky, and the rest is history."

You both grow quiet as what was said sinks in. You study him as you muse about how strongly and deeply his love for Steve must be for one single word to wake him up and memories to flood back in allowing all the pain to paralyze him as confusion and fear takes hold in a single instant. 

You sigh, sip your coffee, pick up the book you were planning on reading and hand it to him and say, "Here, you could use a good book to read." 

You watch him take the book, study it, and softly utter, "The Lord Of The Rings 3 books in 1 by J.R.R. Tolkien," after a beat, "Hmm, I read The Hobbit by this author when it first came out in 1937, I might like these and it might be a good escape from reality for a while," he smiles, "Thank you." 

"Aw, no problem, you could use a good distraction from your guilt and shame for a bit," after a beat, "Hey maybe it will help you sleep better too, ya know giving your mind something else to focus on for a while." you smile at him.

He smiles back and utters, "Maybe," he takes out his flip-phone and glances at the time in the tiny blue-lit screen on the front and mutters, "I have to go, I have a therapy session," he glances at you and muses, "I'll uh, return the book when I'm finished with it."

You sigh, shrug, and utter, "Keep it, I can get another copy of it. We are in a bookstore cafe after all."

He smiles, and utters, "It was nice talking with you, and thanks for the book."

He goes to stand up and leave when you a thought occurs to you and you utter, "Wait, before you go I wanted to tell you that it may be better to focus on the fact that you survived Hydra and focus less on what they made you do because you are a survivor of the horrors you were subjected to during the war and as a prisoner of war, "after a beat, "I'm not saying it will be easy, but refocusing on what you went through at the hands of Hydra may help you to forgive yourself, regardless of what others may think about you because it not about them, it's about you and your healing process." you smile and gently pat his shoulder. 

He simply nods, half-smiles, stands up with the book in one hand and chilled coffee in the other and leaves the bookstore cafe. You watch him leave, smile to yourself, then stand up and dispose of your coffee before returning to the fantasy book section of the bookstore and picking up another copy of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord Of The Rings 3-in-1 book and heading to the cashier to check out. Afterward, you head home a bit contented and still curious all the same about the man you spoke with in the bookstore cafe.