Keep moving forward

All I need is someone to believe in me

Say that's it! Lewis exclaimed. Farrah I'm gonna need your help it will only work if you're there helping me. And I can help you with yours. I mean if you want. I mean I can if you want me to Lewis but the problem with you helping me on mine is that I'd have to do some explaining and I'm not sure you'd completely understand. Fair enough. But I still want your help on mine. He placed his hand on my shoulder. Are you sure Lewis everything I touch I break because that's why I'm here in the first place. It's kind of a long story. You and me best friends forever. He nudged my arm. Fail or succeed we'll do it together. Partners? Partners. I shook his hand a big smile on both our faces. Well what are we waiting for? Let's get started. 

So of course this consisted of us building the machine and everything he made seemed familiar to me. My dad had an invention that was kind of like this that seemed similar in design. He keeps it in his lab in what looks like an observatory but full of inventions instead of ways to look at the stars. But he had a sunroof thing on top of it to open it up on clear nights and we'd look up at the stars and he'd make up stories about the constellations. The night would be spent laughing and talking science. Me crawling into dad's lap and leaning up against him falling asleep. On those nights mom would come out and drape a blanket on over us. A father and his princess. Sleeping under the stars. Dad would never mean to fall asleep but he'd see how warm and safe and snuggly I'd be curled up in his lap but by morning he'd carry me back to my room.

Those are nights I miss the most. I missed my dad more than anything. I bet he was only one really even looking for me. There were nights that we worked on our projects more specifically his that I would sit and tell him stories of my family. I remember telling him that story. He put his hand on my back small sad smile on his face. Thinking hoping I was wrong that someone was in fact looking for me. I remember that night despite the noise it was like white noise to me listening to Lewis working on his project. I'd fall asleep on his shoulder curled up on a chair or something next to him while he worked. Lewis made me feel safe and his presence was familiar. He'd lay me down in his bed since he wasn't using it. But whether it was myself or Lewis keeping Michael up he was always tired all the time these days but never Lewis. I say its part my fault because there would be nights I'd fallen asleep while Lewis worked on his machine. Back home I never got that far. If I wasn't in my room when it was time to go to bed Wilber would be sent down after me to make sure I wouldn't be staying up too late so that mom wouldn't have to come down there and get me.

So there was no chance of me staying up all night working on a project. Unless I snuck away after mom had seen or heard me going to bed. Unfortunately because of that and enough times getting caught and enough times owing Wilber favors because it was him that usually caught me or Carl luckily not mom I just started staying in my room. Even scientists needed their sleep. But more often than not I'd had dreams about what had happened. I'd whimper and cry in my sleep. Buzzing noises rung in my head as I tossed and turned. My brothers words ringing in my head as well along with the buzzer. How he hated me how I wasn't very good at science how he didn't want to keep helping me with my inventions. Between days and nights of Lewis and I working on his memory machine thing we would be testing it in class only for it to blow up. I'd go to the roof or somewhere when Lewis wasn't there or make sure my room door was closed when I worked on the time machine. If I caught Lewis looking in at it I would push my foot at it.

But it didn't seem to matter I could never get it to work or stay working long enough for me to do a test run. Twice it had blown up. And each time it fell apart I'd get mad at it stomp off with tears in my eyes because it would never work. Forcing Mildred to come and make sure I was ok. One day our teacher gave us a flyer for the Science Fair. I could've entered my own invention had it been fixed and stayed fixed but I would've had to prove it could work. We were always constantly at the hardware store for parts. Lewis was glad when in class his invention didn't blow up but by then the whole class had safety gear on and those war bags blocked them from getting blown up or burnt. We high fived when it didn't explode and then the night before the science fair happened. Lewis was putting some finishing touches on his project I was in my room asleep. This dream was different. It hadn't started out too great though.