4 Sisters of the Apocalypse

12- Amy

Amy

It smells like cabbage. Aunt Catherine is always trying the latest diet fad. This one is a bunch of vegetables, tomatoes, onions, garlic, green peppers but MOSTLY CABBAGE. Supposedly you can lose 15 pounds in a week. Good luck Aunt Catherine.  I hope I don't reek of cabbage when I go to school. I have to take the bus. Mom used to take me but now I'm forced to take the bus--THE BUS! How humiliating. I have to wake up 45 minutes earlier too. The bus stops at our corner first. At least I'll have plenty of time to read mom's journals. I really don't see the point but Meg and Jo insist. They don't know this but being split up like this is tearing my heart in two. Reading together makes me feel closer to them and my mom.

Aunt Cathering popped her head into my cat-room. She asked me, "Are you making yourself at home? This was Karen's room. She liked cats.

I sniffed the air. "I can smell that." It still smelled like kitty litter and catnip.

"You can change the posters if you like. Karen didn't take all of them when she got married."

There are like 50 cat posters on the walls. Honestly I hate cats. They're sneaky and they jump out at you when you least expect it. We adopted a stray calico cat named Sundae.  It would hide under the stairs and attack me whenever I walked by. Thankfully Karen had taken all three of  her sinister Siamese cats.

"It's fine." I lied. "I'll only be here til the summer. "The cats are cute."  I lied. They are hideous.

My aunt is a very short Italian lady. I think that's why she's always dieting. One week she's scooping peanut butter out of a jar with her fingers and the next week she's only eating grapefruits.

Aunt Catherine asked me, "Do you like cabbage? I made the most delish diet soup. Not that you need to worry with your cute little figure."

"I've never really liked cabbage. It gives me gas." I figured the best approach would be the straight approach.

My aunt merely cackled. "It gives us all gas dear. That's how you know it's working!" She continued cackling as she left my room. I suppose I'll be living on bread and water while I live here, the prisoner that I am.

I whispered, "I'd prefer something else for dinner." Did Aunt Catherine hear me? I didn't want to be rude but I didn't want gas either.

My life had been whittled down to three pink 5 gallon totes, a knockoff Gucci suitcase and a matching knockoff Gucci messenger bag. Aunt Catherine told me I could put my things away in the white laminate dresser and the tiny closet but I didn't have the strength nor the desire. Also once I did that it would feel more permanent. I did not want that. Above my tiny white laminate twin bed hung a poster of a distressed orange kitten hanging from a tree branch. The caption read; 'Hang in there Amy!" Were my eyes playing tricks on me? No doubt it really said, "Hang in there Baby!" But these days I needed to take encouragement from wherever I could find it.

I let my aunt and uncle know I wasn't hungry. I wasn't. I needed some time to unpack and process it all. Since there was no cable in my room and I didn't want to watch Law and Order with my new parental units... Like Goldilocks in baby bear's bed, I read my mother's journal. Alice in Wonderland graced the cover. "That's odd," I told myself. "I never took my mother for a Disney fan."

I opened the book.

Jan 3, 2003

Dear Future Reader.

I saw this journal in the children's section of Barnes and Nobles in the mall. Alice has always fascinated me. Such a precocious child. I believe I'm pregnant with my 4th daughter. It's so exciting, AMY IS ALMOST HERE!! (Mother had highlighted the parts about me, and to me, in neon pink!)

I closed the book and thought, "Sure it's coincidental. I probably subconsciously grabbed this journal because a blond girl was on the cover." No that wasn't the truth because Meg handed me books at random but still... I had a one in 4 chance mom would write about me right? I mean we were her world?"

I opened the book.

Amy is the one who will challenge us all!  On the outside she's gonna be all sweetness and lace but inwardly a spitfire of a girl who won't take anything from anyone.

As I read mom's words I wondered, "Did she mold me into this being or was mom writing my fortune? Nooooo! Mom's not a superstitious sort and she always told us 'sorcery is witchcraft" and yet here she was describing the me I'd come to be.

She'll be my only daughter who will be petite with pure blond hair. She'll be spoiled but not lazy. She will excel at whatever she does.

True... True... Mom???

Which came first, me? or your words about me! How do you know this stuff?

I haven't told Reggie I'm pregnant yet. Cuz technically I'm not.  If I want Amy to be born I've gotta wait until tomorrow for her to be conceived. Everything will be perfect.

Ew mom what do you mean? For the conception of MEEEEEE???? So if you got pregnant a week before or a day after it wouldn't be me? I guess that makes sense. So many possibilities. But why was I so important? Why did all of our DNA have to align so perfectly? What is it mom? Why am I here? And why aren't YOU here to help me understand? Why did I take you for granted?

Just as I was agonizing over perfect timing and missing my mother so dreadfully I heard a ratta tap tap on my thin white door. Aunt Catherine stuck her round little head covered in Loreal Perfect Redhead. "I made some pasta? You want some rigatoni and sawce?"

I asked, "What happened to the cabbage soup?"

She stepped through the doorway. "Ugh Uncle Jerry and I were farting all night! Who needs it? I felt like making something special just for you. Besides, I'm starting Weight Watchers next week."

I smiled. No one made a better red sauce than Aunt Catherine. "I'll be right down."

I closed my mother's journal. I can't be a sleuth on an empty stomach.