i still love you

overdue conversation

"Well, That was interesting!" Jen says hanging her keys up on the keyring holder after walking through the front door and then heading to the kitchen.

"She's a character!" Brad followed behind her taking his coat off and placing it on the kitchen bench.

"Would you like anything to drink? I'm gonna have a glass of wine if that's okay with you?"

"Of course! I'll just take a glass of water, Thank you!"

After grabbing their drinks they headed outside each taking a seat next to the other, about an arm's length apart.

"It's a beautiful night it's it?" She says after taking a sip of her wine. Trying to break the tension that has made its way back again. Tension because they are both aware of this conversation that they will shortly be having.

"It Is. It's perfect weather!" He smiles at her trying to ease her nerves that have become very apparent in the last couple of minutes. At the same time though trying to ease his own.

"Hey uh what was it that you wanted to talk about earlier?"

"Well, uh I just think that we need to have a well overdue conversation. Just about everything that we didn't communicate with each other back then. About how we've been ever since, What we've been up to. What our expectations and boundaries are for this friendship, Not that I'm expecting anything from you but you know"

"No, I do know and I agree with you. This conversation needs to be had though I wish we could have had it sooner but things were standing in the way and I understand."

"Exactly! Like...We said all those years ago we were going to stay great friends and that just didn't happen. We didn't stay as close as we would have liked so I just think we need to talk to catch up on those 14 years of friendship that we missed out on."

"I know I get it." Jen says tilting her head to the side before moving a little closer to place her hand on Brad's thigh. "I really wish we didn't lose those 14 years but I'm so happy we're back in a good place again. And just for the record, I'm not expecting anything from you either. But..I guess we can wait and see where time takes us."

She looks up at him giving him the same look they shared in the kitchen earlier that night. Flirting again. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe it's just the way she really feels.

"What are you saying, Jen?" He says placing his hand on top of hers. Maybe, Just maybe he feels the same way as her.

"I mean I'm not saying that something has to happen or that I desperately want something to happen but we're both in a place where if something did it wouldn't be hurting anybody. I'm just saying, whatever happens, happens." She pauses taking a moment to think before continuing. "I'm sorry don't worry about what I said I'm just rambling on."

He looks down at his hand before flipping her hand over so he can intertwine their fingers together, Then looks back up at her to meet her smile.

"Jen, Whatever happens, happens. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Although I wouldn't be mad if something did end up happening."

She looks down at their hands that are intertwined and starts to move her thumb back and forth so that she is grazing his.

"I'm glad we're on the same page then. Okay, let's talk!"

They spend the rest of the night having a very deep, meaningful and long overdue conversation. Expressing all feelings about various issues relating to them. Many tears as well as numerous smiles. Many secrets were told, Although some were held for a later date them both not wanting to scare the other away after being apart for so long. Both feeling relieve, Finally getting the chance to say all the things they didn't get to 14 years ago.

Once Brad had left and Jen had washed up the remaining dishes she took herself to bed feeling a type of relaxation she hasn't felt since the end of 2004.

Next day lunchtime - Kristin's house

"We just talked and talked and talked all night! It was actually really great you know? We finally got to say the things we have been bottling up for 14 years now. We both felt so relieved after!" Jen says as she takes a bite of the cherry tomato she picked out of the salad.

"That's great! I'm honestly so happy that you two are now in a place where you guys can be back in each other's company and have a great relationship again. Platonically of course."

"Platonic. Sure" She says in a quieter voice while staring straight ahead, In a daze if you will.

"What do you mean sure Jen?" Kristin places her fork in her bowl not wanting to be distracted by anything after hearing the way Jen just said what she said. Making Jen come back to reality.

"Oh... No nothing, Yeah I'm just saying platonic of course! Nothing but a platonic relationship."

"I'm not convinced. You want more don't you?"

"It's not that I want more. It's that... I don't know I mean it's just being with him alone especially brings everything back and I'm not going to lie, I miss it. It was all so much simpler back then. It felt like it was just him and I in our own world, Until that world fell apart."

"Are you sure you don't miss just having a partner? Not necessarily him but just someone?"

"I don't think I miss having anyone. It's not that I necessarily want anyone right now or that I need anyone right now. I'm positive it's just that I miss him and I together. Oh my god, I can't believe I'm saying this, this is so stupid."

"Honey it's not stupid. He was your first real love. The first man you ever walked down the aisle to meet. It does make sense. You guys spend 7 wonderful years together. You both knew on your first date! I mean how many people know on their first date? But have you told him this?"

"Something along the lines did come up last night. We both said that if something does happen then we will let it but we don't want to put any pressure on each other or whatever "it" may be."

"And he said the same thing?"

"Yeah! We both feel the same way about letting whatever happens just happen"

"Well then tell him how you feel!"

"No, not yet! I don't want to ruin what we have. I mean it's taken 14 years to get to where we are today. I don't want to lose this again just because I miss a relationship I was in that long ago."

"But honey if he feels the same way then what's there to lose?"

"I mean I guess you're right. How about this, I'll stick it out for a few weeks and If he says anything or if these "feelings" don't go away then I'll speak to him
about possibly starting something again."

"Great Idea. Please what was I thinking? Like you two can be in a platonic relationship!"

"What do you mean? Why can't we?"

"Are you joking? You two have been into each other since the day you met. I mean you guys are both the best versions of yourselves when you are together, the real you. Both of you. You guys bring it out of each other. You might not see it but trust me everyone around you does."

"He's pretty great that way isn't he."