Only You Darling : Collection of deckerstar one shots

The questions he longed to ask Chloe Decker

So this is set just after Chloe starts dating Pierce in season 3.
<3
Everything is cannon to season 3 so the Detective doesn't know about his Devil face.

I would like to state this will probably be in two parts ?
I will probably do another chapter called the questions she longed to ask Lucifer Morningstar as well :)
Just too add both perspectives to the mix.

I will warn you it gets a little bit heart felt so here's your angst warning :)
Happy or not so happy reading !
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Luicfer morningstar was over Chloe Decker. Their one time relationship didn't matter to him. Their one time kiss on the beach  didn't matter to him. He had left her after all to go to Vegas and get married. None of it  crossed his mind any more and he didn't see why it should . All of it was far back in their past. Unimportant and not spoken about.

He was happy living  his old life - infact he was more then happy. He didn't need to worry about being boyfriend material any more or if he was good enough for the Detective. He already knew he was. In fact she was created for him so he had to be.
Sweet but short was their  relationship and time had passed - the best kind of medicine. The devil was over it. Completely and utterly over it. Infact there was nothing to be over.
Infact he didn't even think about her in that sense any more. He didn't think about her at all really in his spare time. He found the best thing to do was to distance himself and just like that - he was over whatever it was

Just like that it never happend.

He didn't need her warm touch,  didn't want to feel the way he felt when she kissed him.
He didn't need her.

Lucifer would just go about his daily activities and would simply just not think about the Detective when he wasn't on the job and he didn't need too. He was well and truly over her. It was obvious the Detective was over him so why should his emotions be any different. He is the Devil , he doesn't go around falling in love with people especially not her. Never her.
You don't expect a sunset to love you back so why should he expect her to.
She was placed in his path - his feelings weren't real.
They weren't real for the either of them.

And yet everytime he walked through the door and saw her he smiled and felt a warm tingly sensation in his stomach. She could be doing nothing and yet he would have the desire to just simply stare at her in awe.
Simply have the desire to go up to her and talk to her using his flirty persona.
She would take it all as a joke of course and would suppress a smile while she rolled her eyes.
Even that simple action meant so much to Luciger Morningstar.

He would love to say all that he thought about being good enough for Chloe and his feelings for her not mattering was the truth but he couldn't. The Devil didn't lie unless it was to himself.

He viewed him self as little. Unworthy. Cast out by his own family and his father mostly.
He wasn't worth Chloe Decker.
He could never be worth Chloe Decker.

The Devil couldn't see how anyone could care about him because it was so silly , how could a person have romantic feelings feelings him. Look at him. Satan himself,  he wasn't exactly the love able type.
Wasn't exactly the relationship type.

A gift from dad he suspected. He couldn't even accept his own actions. That maybe , just maybe his dad some how had nothing to do with what he was feeling and it was all
simply on him.

Truth be told he did think about her , so so often. Someone could mention just her name and he would be down a brainstorming cycle thinking of her and only her .
He would think about her smile firstly or about a memory they had shared but then that would just develop into the pain. A constant reminder of the pain because in the end that's all their relationship was to him now. It possessed so many happy moments but left him feeling empty.

He wonders if she ever thinks about him in this way.
Perhaps she just thought about him in general , maybe a funny memory came up in her head or they just had a conversation or perhaps she 'needed' him for a case. However most importantly if she had ever  thought about him the way he still thinks about her. The desire to be his . That's the funny thing about love. You can never tell what the other person is thinking. Was it ever not one sided ?
Did one person have feelings and not the other ?
Did the Detective ever have feelings for the Devil ?
That was just one question he longed to ask her. He wouldn't of course. Perhaps out of fear, perhaps out of the fear of rejection. The kind of rejection he faced from his father all those years ago.

No one relised how truly alone Luicfer was about this whole situation. He told very little about his life to anyone. They all assumed he was over it because that's just the kind of person he was. Happy , witty, flirty Lucifer. No one had even thought to ask how if he was okay , no one stopped to physically ask him why he left. Maybe they would understand him more if they did.
He however knew if he told any one the truth they wouldn't believe him anyway. Mad,metaphorical Lucifer.Even his therapist didn't know his true feelings for the Detective.
Lucifer was hurting and no one even knew it.
He never displayed his hurt because he doubted anyone would even understand never mind physically care to listen.
The Devil doesn't hurt over humans.

However it wasn't just hurt he felt it was a sinking feeling in his stomach and the thoughts of her. Their memories together just that,  memories. 
Mostly happy and yet now so very sad. He yearned for the life he couldn't have because she didn't love him. He supposed that was his own doing and he knew that. He was trying to protect her and make sure she wasn't hurt in the long run of their relationship.
All of those dreadful actions he did were all for her and she would now never know.

Those actions however work she got over him - that's all that needed to happen.
He never got over her.
And now the Devil watches as his Detective goes with another man. His heart aching every single time she sees him or mentions him. All he does is smile and laugh with her rather then telling her how he really feels.

He wouldn't text her. He wouldn't do it because that feeling he got when she replied was simply the best. That's what it was - simple and content  and yet it would just hurt again when he he realisation came back over him. She was never going to be his.
That butterfly feeling was just temporary. It was just a constant reminder of how much he craved and needed her.
She would never need him as much as much as he needed him and now look at her she was off dating. Pierce of all people.

He told himself he would be happy as long as she was happy. Doesn't everyone tell themselves that in this situation?
Doesn't everyone else tell themselves that same repetitive lie because you know deep down no matter how selfless that lie thats all it is a lie and it can never be true. Its just a thing we like to tell ourselves to make us simply feel better. The Devil has never been in love before Chloe Decker.  He doubts he ever will be  again and he dreads the amount of time it will take to get over her. One of the positives of being immortal he supposes . He has all the time in the world to do so.

The Devil had longed wished  he could go into a simulation and find out all the different outcomes of him asking her these questions .Not only would she not remember them but he would have closure and could get over her. No matter how long that took.
The Devils job was to run hell and hell loops and that could easily be his. To be able to ask Chloe Decker those questions over and over and yet the true her would never know his feelings.

The Devil had waves of these emotions. They were always there- deep down but he preferred not to think about them. He preferred to not think about what could have happened between them because its far easier to not think about your problems then to deal with them.

Lucifer Morningstar was not over Chloe Decker.

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Words : 1512

Hello there,  thankyou fo reading once again. Please let me know if this is like too much because I really can't tell . I just kind of wrote everything down that I could think off 💀.

A big thankyou to my voluntary proof reader coinofdestiny <3
I appreciate your work.
And hello if you are reading this .

Have a great day
Beth x