If you wanted to [TordTom]

XII

"And when I asked her about what happened the day prior--she said something else?! The nerve of some people!" Tom smiled at the fact that Tord was laughing along with an anecdote he had. The sun had already started to set, leaving only the warm hues of orange to spot the sky. Still, as much as Tom wanted to talk more about Tord's feelings towards him (for an ego boost), it was for the best that they were catching up on something outside of it.

Tord sighed and leaned against the railing, "sorry for dumping all that information on you."

"It's okay; you had to--we're grown-ups, and these are one of those grown-up things we eventually had to encounter," Tom reassured; Tord smiled sadly.

"Maybe, if you had this clarity when I was still younger--maybe we wouldn't be this awkward together. Because now, I wish the younger version of myself heard this; but I'm 30, and I'm not getting any younger."

Deep down, Tom wished he could talk to the younger version of Tord and let everything out--hopefully inflict the same pain he felt; but that was wishful thinking. It happened already--you can't take back time as much as he wanted it. Nothing would make anything okay; they're hurt either way.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Tord remained quiet, probably thinking of something to do; he opened his arms again and tilted his head to the side, "do you want to hug it out?"

Tom nodded and pressed his head against Tord's chest; he could feel Tord's heavy hand on his head, gently playing with his hair. Tord's arm pulled him in tightly; he felt like he was being choked nicely. It did make him feel slightly better afterward. When he was getting comfortable, a cue in his head told him to pull away.

"Thank you, Tord," Tom dusted himself off and looked away. Tord pressed his lips together and sighed.

"We should go back now; I still want to show you something before it gets too late," Tord muttered sharply. Tom looked up and rubbed the fabric of his sweater.

"Did I do something wrong? You look annoyed."

"No!" Tord exclaimed worriedly. He blinked multiple times before turning a light shade of red; he looked to the side and crossed his arms.

"Pfft--I'm just worried about time--the place I know is a five-minute drive on the other side of town."

Tom mentally smacked himself in the head, but Tord looked very annoyed after the hug--maybe it's because he wasn't as comfortable as he wanted it to be. So far, Tord has been opting for him to talk about his life--it almost made him appreciated.

The car ride was peaceful. Come to think of it--Tom hasn't seen this side of his hometown at night, even as a kid, but it had a feeling of homeliness that made him feel nostalgic for it. From his reflection in the window, he could see Tord relaxed and steering with one hand while the other was reaching for something behind his seat.

"Do you need help reaching something?" Tord quickly slipped the item inside his pocket and waved Tom off. He fixed his posture and put both hands on the steering wheel.

"It's not important."

Right.

"Then why did you hide it from me?"

"Can't a guy keep secrets? Just because you have your hair back like a woman's doesn't mean you get to act like a priss," Tord snapped back; Tom closed his mouth and looked outside the window. Tord's lips parted, and his adam's apple bobbed--he was going to say something (hopefully an apology)--instead, he closed his mouth again and remained silent.

Now he just felt embarrassed--it was difficult to quantify, but the tension between them returned, as much as Tord tried to cater and act close. A twinge of fakeness made their actions synonymous with pressing your hands against cellophane. So close yet so far. They were almost going somewhere.

"I'm sorry for snapping like that, Tom; it's just something I can't say right now."

Tord was still as secretive with whatever that was--he could keep secrets for all Tom cared, but why was he so annoyed now?

Because Tord was always secretive, and if he did change, he wouldn't be keeping secrets now.

Tom crossed his arms, a feeling in his core that begged for Tord to change for him. Even if it wasn't romantic, he wished that even if he did keep secrets, he would be the type of person to hide them badly.

God, he was being selfish--they just met again after almost two decades. They were friends, and now, they're just two strangers acting like they know each other. Why can't Tord be vulnerable with him? Act like how he did two hours ago.

At this point, maybe he should look for love somewhere else. Tord hasn't changed; it was just some daytime gig. It was like Tord's Hyde couldn't conceal themselves any longer.