They Call Me the Coroner | Top Gun: Maverick

To Love, or Not

I can tell they're all watching us leave, but I don't want to look at them. Loco scrunches his face at Rooster and gives me a questioning look. I motion that everything is okay, as Rooster leads me out the door.

When we come out, he pulls me over to the brick wall and I lean up against it. He puts his hands on both sides of my head and stares at me hard.

"What...are you doing?" He glares.

My heart skips...not in a good way. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, please." He leans in closer. "Stop playing with me. First, I thought you liked me. You acted like you did. Then I catch you making out with Seresin. Twice! Then, that day when you told me all that stuff and we...kissed. It was so...I thought...I mean I really thought-and then you go freaking ballistic and tell me to leave you alone at the beach. Then you kiss me again? Stop. Playing. With. Me."

"So this is all me?!" I gasp. "You practically begged me to kiss you in there. Now you're mad at me for it?"

His nose is inches from mine. I can see every color in his eyes. Every detail of his face. The scars on his chin and jaw. The vein popping out of his forehead.

I swallow hard. I glance back at the door and sigh. He looks at my face calmly. Hangman pops his head out the door. His eyes grow wide and he slides back inside slowly. Thankfully, Rooster didn't notice.

He's right though. Gah, I don't know what's wrong with me.

"I...I'm sorry." I sigh and put a hand to my forehead. "I just...I don't know-"

"Figure it out." He touches my face softly. "Please. Because what freaking hurts is you loving someone and they are trying to love you. It shouldn't be this hard, Tesha. You love me, or you don't."

"Will you give me a break?!" I smack his hand away. "I've not been the best mentally in a while."

"I'll say." He shakes his head. "You have been flipping your personality switch up and down, left to right, ever since you got here!"

"I'm fighting! Okay? You and Jake don't help when you keep passing the 'do-you-love-me?-check-yes-or-no' note like middle schoolers! You have no idea the struggle in my head right now with secrets and regrets and now you guys!"

"You don't have to fight alone, Tesha. I'm right here and I always have been! You just won't trust that I always will be!"

"BECAUSE PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE!" I scream. "I loved my dad! He died. I loved my mom, but she ditched Kim and me when dad died. She doesn't even remember us now. I've loved so many people since then, but they always end up leaving."

He blinks. His breath deep as his chest heaves.

"They always leave." I whisper hoarsely, sliding down the brick wall, letting it scratch my back. "Whether they die, or they give up on you, or life just splits you apart. They always leave. I can't love someone and watch them leave me! It hurts too much!"

"I never thought I would hear you say something so selfish." His voice is piercing, jabbing my insides and wrenching me in two as he grimaces down at me.

I catch my breath and furrow my brows up at him. "Selfish?"

"Yes, Tesha. Selfish." He sighs and bends down the to my level, pulling me close, touching our foreheads.

"You hold back your love because your scared of getting hurt. Because you're afraid of not being loved back. And it's stupid."

I let a tear fall down my face.

"Tesha, when you live life..." He gulps, his face scrunching up while trying to find the right words. "Life..it's...it's like a piano."

I pull away some and stare at him.

"36 black and 52 white keys. Happy and sad notes. Scary and exciting chords. Fast beats and slow beats. You put all the jumbled up mess together just right..." He touches my cheek, running his fingers down the side of my face. "It will make the most beautiful music."

I blink at him as he gulps again. His hands shaking, but he never looses eye contact with me.

"Love is a commitment to someone through all that good and bad. Through all their good and bad, happy, sad, scary, exciting musical life. You can't buy a real piano without the white and black keys. Just like you can't have real love without good and bad times." He smiles. "It's crazy not to love someone beacuse you're afraid of 36 little bad times. Look at all you're missing if you don't realize the 52 giant good times from beginning to end!"

52 big whites notes, 52 happy times. 36 small black notes, 36 dark times. It all of the keys to make beautiful music that touches the soul.

Good times. Bad times. I've loved people through both.

Who would love me in my 36 dark times?

"You have to take the good with the bad." I chuckle acridly. Tears streaming down my face. "No one has ever loved me like that."

He looks offended for a moment, then he wraps me in his arms and mumbles against my hair.

"I have, Tesh." He kisses my head. "I do."

I pull back and stare at him. He loves me more than I could imagine. I ripped him to shreds over and over and over...

And over again.

I grab his shirt, pull him close, and press my lips to his like today is my last.

I can do better than just a 'sorry.'

I've made my decision. I'm sorry for Jake, really, but Bradley Bradshaw has given me his heart time after time. No matter how scared I am...

It's time I give him mine.

I've been so tired of fighting. Things. Circumstance. Myself. I've almost given up.

Right now I could fight...anything really...and win.

Then I realize, I actually want to fight.

I want to fight for my sanity. I want to fight for this mission. I want to fight for him and the rest of the aviators.

I want to fight.

I've never felt this way before, but here in Bradley's arms, kissing him hard on the patio for "Tilted Lanes," I am strong and I can take on anything.

Something about love I never realized...it makes you stronger.

I've been avoiding it so long, no wonder I break so much under the weight of life and my choices. I smile while we kiss because I love him. He loves me. It makes us both strong.

To love or not to love? That is the question.

And now, I pick love everytime.

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Author's note: Anyone else absolutely love the piano? Or just music in general? What's your favorite instrument?

I love reading your comments, so don't hesitate to let me know what you think about the story! I'm always looking for ways to better my writing, so feel free to give me tips if you have some.

Thanks!

P.S. We are getting closer to the surprise. It's still a few chapters away but soon...

Very soon. 😏