surrender ; minsung

endurance

"Sir, just a few things to discuss."

Minho and his newly designated lieutenant are walking side by side up the spiralling staircase, headed for the wheelhouse. "Carry on," he says.

"Your former lieutenant requested to be delivered to Earth 244. It isn't too far from our current coordinates, and since our undertaking on Ophiuchus Alpha depleted our reserves, it would be logical to refuel in their anchorage district."

"Good thinking. We'll take the day there."

"How is Commander Han's condition?"

Minho tries not to smile, thinking about the commander curled up in his bed, hugging a pillow. "I'm sure he'll stir soon."

"Perhaps the commander would be interested in alighting on 244. Their spacecraft market is lucrative."

"Hm. Perhaps."

They enter the wheelhouse and the lieutenant relays the new course to Jha. Minho greets a few Stingray crewers who are wrapped in blankets and smoking cigars.

"Thank you for rescuing our band, sir," one of them says. "I understand the Stingray and Ender are usually at odds, but if Commander Han trusts you, so do I."

"Please, don't. Trust is conditional. But a word of advice - stay with your commander. Follow him wherever he goes and he'll lead you far. Heeded?"

The crewers nod dutifully and thank him again.

Minho retires to his chamber. He's just kicked off his boots when Jisung calls down from the loft. "Minho?"

He's sitting up, blankets a mess around him. Something is different about him, not just that he seems lucid for the first time since the crash. Minho can't place it.

"You okay? Do you need something?"

"Yeah. You."

Minho laughs. "Smooth."

"I'm not kidding." He's holding his arms out. "Come."

Minho gets on the bed, taking Jisung's hands. He's still cold to the touch. "Fishing for more cuddles, commander? You better not be going soft on-"

Jisung takes his face, pulls him into a kiss, all but drags Minho down on top of him. Minho breaks away, earning a whine in protest.

"Hey - you haven't recovered yet."

"I feel fine."

"You're still cold."

"Make me warm then."

"Are you sure you're up to-"

"Minho. I almost died. Everything hurts. Just fuck me. Please."

"O-kay. Very clear. I like it."

"I'm not going to lie to you anymore."

He says it like a promise. Or a plea. Maybe he hit his head harder than Minho thought. "It's okay, sweetheart. I got you."

Jisung doesn't reply. He kisses Minho like his life is still on the line.

--

"I did something."

Minho noses at the nape of his neck. "What'd you do?"

"I replaced my studs. I'm wearing the ones you gave me."

"Really? Let me see."

Jisung turns to face him. The stones in his nose, above his lip, the tails of his eyebrows - they're the ones he recovered from those royal leeches. It's satisfying to see them on Jisung, someone who deserves them.

"They're beautiful," he says.

"It was difficult taking mine out, though I... I think it's okay that I did. I don't want to live in the past. I want to live in the now. You know?"

"Yeah. That reminds me actually, the Ender's on-course for Earth 244 to fuel up. We can have a word with your insurance broker. Break a few fingers, get yourself reimbursed. Break a few more fingers, get a new ship. What do you think?"

Something in Jisung's jaw hardens. "I don't want to do that."

Minho smiles, pressing kisses along his shoulder. "Let's stay in then. Ships are everywhere."

"Minho, I'm never going to buy another ship."

"Seems impractical."

"Minho. I'm abnegating."

"No... you aren't."

"I am."

Minho lies back, staring at nothing.

"Say something. Please."

"I don't understand. You're a natural. You're successful."

"I'm not happy."

"You're not-" Minho bites his tongue. Why is he angry? Maybe this should mean nothing to him. Should this mean nothing to him? "The Stingray isn't dead, you still have your crew - why are you giving up?"

"Space isn't who I am. I'm not strong. I was pretending. It was make-believe."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Minho-"

"No, why are you bringing that up now? I said that in confidence."

"I'm trying to make you understand why I'm-"

"I'm not like you, okay? I'm not a dog that'll just roll over when things go to shit. I don't surrender."

Jisung is crying; Minho can barely look at him. "I wish you would. Just once."

"What are you talking about?"

"You wouldn't abnegate?"

"Never."

"Not even for me?"

"Why would I do that for you?"

Jisung bows his head against Minho's shoulder. His voice is small. "Because I love you."

Minho's body goes rigid. Heat blooms behind his eyes. Fuck.

Jisung is barely moving, barely whispering, as if Minho is a fragile thing. "Say it."

"Say, say what?"

"Say you love me. Or you don't. Anything - say it so I can go."

Minho squeezes his eyes closed. "I don't..." What? He doesn't what? "I don't surrender."

The bed shifts. Footsteps. Minho doesn't open his eyes until he's sure he won't break. Until he hears the door slam shut.