surrender ; minsung

way home

Earth 99 was a beautiful planet. Too beautiful. Minho felt like he was walking into a trap.

The locals barely spared him a glance as he stepped out of the tele-hub, right into the middle of a quaint marketplace. Wares arranged in stalls and laid out on blankets, just asking to be stolen, though the vendors didn't seem worried about thievery — they weren't even armed. Their children were plump and clean, roaming around without supervision.

Minho drew a steadying breath. Even the air tasted fresh, not smoke-heavy or sour with piss.

He asked a local for directions to the registry offices. Apparently there was an outpost to the east, where matters of documentation were dealt with.

"Are you looking to buy citizenship?" the local asked. They were finely dressed, old enough that they would have been long culled, had they lived on Minho's planet. Their display was all jewelry, polished gemstones in silver bands and baskets. Mx. Sol was their name.

"No," said Minho. "I'm looking for someone."

"Oh. Might I be able to help you... commander?"

"What makes you think I'm a commander?"

"You have that look about you. You're well-travelled."

"I've abnegated. Retired. Get it, old-timer?"

"Oh yes. I know a retired merchant as well."

Minho's eyes snapped up. Mx. Sol pointed to a note below a row of earrings. Gemstones courtesy of Mr. Han Jisung.

Minho's heart leaps out of his chest.

"Where is he? Tell me, now."

"I think you're forgetting something."

Minho blinks. "Please...?"

Mx. Sol dipped their head, obliged, and told Minho the way.

—

Minho has thought about this. Every day, month after month, searching — he's imagined finding Jisung. Meeting his eyes, hearing his voice. Reaching out and holding tight, saying everything they'd left unsaid. I'm sorry. I miss you. I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

He has so much to say. But once they touch, there's no pulling away.

It's too like them, getting lost in rising breath and flushed skin, a hidden spot beneath a willow tree. Minho missed every damn part of him, missed him beyond reason and logic, the deepest reaches of space.

He brushes the strands of damp hair from Jisung's face. Their breathing has slowed and the night is quiet. Now is his chance. He's thought about this moment for so long. But all that comes out of his mouth is "Hello."

Jisung smiles. "Funny meeting you here."

He laughs. Jisung shifts onto his side, hands folded under his cheek. Minho hasn't seen him like this before, his skin sun-kissed, his body softened, no longer bony and drawn. This planet has been good to him.

"I can't believe you're real," Jisung murmurs.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He smiles, but it's sad, slightly sardonic. "Do you need a recap or something?"

"No, I..." Minho swallows. "I know. I've thought of a hundred different ways I could make this right, but I don't think any of it is good enough."

"I'm listening."

Minho bites his lip, his voice going quiet. "I abnegated."

"What?"

"I fired my crew. I sold the Ender. I'm not a commander anymore."

"Why...?"

"I got your note."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry. I fucked up. I fucked everything up and I hurt you. You shouldn't have had to— to—"

Jisung is staring at him, doe-eyed.

Minho realizes he's crying. He wipes his face, embarrassed. "Shit. Shit, sorry."

"Hey, don't." Jisung takes his hands, pulls them to his chest. "Don't. I've cried over you. I'm not ashamed of it."

"I'm trying."

"I know you are."

"I... love you."

"I know you do."

"Do you still love me?"

"Don't ask stupid questions."

He smiles weakly. "It isn't stupid. No one's ever — you're the only one who's said that to me. And you seemed so... hurt, so broken, when you said it."

"I knew I was going to lose you."

Tears rise again. Minho tries not to wipe them away.

"I love you," he says, because it's all he can offer. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Jisung moves in, leaves nothing between them, pressing their foreheads together. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything. For finding me. I was waiting."

"Why didn't you contact me somehow?"

"I was... trying not to wait."

Minho almost laughs, a pathetic sound from his chest. "Obviously that wasn't working out for you."

"Oh what gave it away? The cryotherapy or frenzied sex?"

"That shit-eating grin when you pushed me underwater, actually."

Jisung smirks, thinking back on it. "Right, that was funny."

"Unbelievable. You take pleasure in my misery."

"I do. I'll make you miserable every day, if you stay."

"You're here. I'm staying. Even if this is the weirdest planet I've ever encountered."

"It's not weird, it's peaceful."

"Exactly. No famine, no war, no acid rain. I haven't heard gunfire even once. Don't you get bored?"

"I don't. Will you?"

Minho glances around, at the swaying willow, the starry sky. Then back to Jisung. The wariness in his eyes. Minho smiles.

"No. No, I could use a little... peace."

"You won't leave me again?"

"I won't. Promise."

"Good." He reaches up to brush Minho's hair from his face. "Promise me something else. No more control. Nothing held back. All feeling, all truth."

"I can't... promise perfection."

"That's not what I want. I want all of you. I want the thoughts you think you shouldn't say. Can you give me that?"

It's frightening. It's a whole new world of fear. Fear of something deeper than a scar, more sacred than a tattoo, more than just endurance. Something that grows and blooms from a lifeless planet. Someone who lies under a willow tree and pricks his own heart and lets it bleed.

So he breathes out, he smiles, and he surrenders.