Sunrise

Chapter 2: Orange

I studied his face.

The Blue Addison sitting across from me gave a warm smile and I nervously began to fidget with my hands.

Time passed and my hands felt sore from rubbing them together. I knew I had to say something...anything and so, I said what I was thinking:

"Nothing."

Calmly the Blue Addison said, "I know this may sound a tad redundant but, what does nothing feel like?"

Three months after 01 released the video, things had finally started to die down and I didn't have to hide anymore.

Orange had gladly provided for me during that time but I still felt as if I was in debt to her.

Because I was in debt to her.

Wanting to pay her back I, in possession of nothing, asked what she would want in return for all of her help.

I remember Orange gently smiling as she asked, "Would you be willing to go to therapy for me?"

I begrudgingly said yes, wanting to make her happy, and so, I went to therapy with the mindset of checking off a box.

Therapy, though, had other plans for me.

At first I was stubborn, and bull-headed, and refused to say a thing but somehow the therapist got me to slowly open up.

I, the man with nothing, had something to give.

Myself.

~~

I took a deep breath and looked the therapist squarely in the eyes. Despite my contrived confidence I still fumbled with my words.

"Nothingness...uhh...it just feels gross..."

The therapist nodded and further coaxed me for an answer. "And what do you feel when you feel 'gross'? Try using some of the emotion words we worked on."

Searching through past sessions in my mind I eventually landed on an answer.

"A never ending sadness... or any other emotion I guess..."

In return for my answer I was rewarded with a knowing smile from my therapist. I was still getting used to the whole expression thing so I shifted uncomfortably in my chair.

"What are you feeling right now?"

Knowing that I couldn't hide my true feelings I said, "Scared."

The therapist looked me in the eyes. "What are you currently afraid of?"

I squirmed in my chair. "I-I'm still not used to talking about myself."

The therapist let me continue.

"It's...um...it's just for my whole life I was shut down for talking about myself. Any time I would say anything I was wrong...The only time when I was right was when I was the one louder than everyone else...um...yeah."

The therapist scribbled down some notes before looking up to me.

"Thank you for sharing with me Pink. I know it's hard so, please know that I'm proud of you."

Confused, I said. "Proud of me? Why are you proud of me?"

The therapist gave me a sad smile. "Because you did something you were afraid of."

I looked down. "But you already knew all of that stuff..."

"But it's still scary and you're still brave."