Lie To Me - [H.S]

4. Acquainted

I had always wondered what it was like to be someone that others cared about, what was I drinking that day, what was I wearing today or what I was even doing on a Sunday. Never did I imagine it would happen to me one day. Never in a million years did I think people would even care about me the way they do now.

My notifications now never seemed to stop. That little blue check had officially graced all of my social media profiles making me blush when ever I looked at them.

This couldn't be real, right?

I never thought I would actually get an opportunity to work outside of Only Fans, or the porn industry. Now my career dabbled in modeling, I was a model for several companies even ones I was unsure would work out. I surprisingly loved modeling, I loved getting dressed up in the best clothes, the best makeup and the best hair in the industry.

I felt unstoppable, untouchable the day of the shoots. When everything was set and done I was left with the same body issues I had minutes before the click of the cameras.

I tired my best to avoid any final images of myself, as my much as I loved it I hated how I looked. No matter how much makeup they threw on me, I could see my stretch marks, I could see the discoloration of my skin on my thighs or stomach. I could see the scar on my inner thigh from when I fell off my back when I was ten. I could see the rolls on my stomach when I set down, or my love handles that I hated spilling over my pants.

If I looked too closely I would be sick, sick for days on how people saw me. The part I feared the most was reading a comment about how fat I was, or people belittling me on how a woman should really look. I thought about every person who would come into contact with my photos when I was done.

What was the first thing that came to their minds?

Look at her fat stomach.

Look at her cellulite.

Who told her she was hot?

Who wants a woman like that?

Real women are thin.

I did my best to push every negative thought out of my head when I was done with a shoot. I kept my distance from anything I knew my picture would be on. I had worked to hard for this moment for my fucking brain to ruin it for me.

Eveline had kept her word. My Only Fans was still alive and well.

Six months had passed since I signed my contract.

Six months of my schedule being booked to the absolute last minute of the day. Six months of photoshoots, interviews, parties and meetings.

Six months and I had only released one video on only Fans.

I had watched my subscriber count begin to fall with every day that passed. I felt as if a piece of me was learning to let go of that part of my life no matter how much I loved it. This was the part of my life that helped me love myself, helped me feel good in my own skin.

While Eveline kept her promise of allowing me to keep my accounts, she kept me so busy I never had time to dedicate to it. Part of me felt like this was the plan all along, get me to sign the contract on an empty promise of fulfilling all my dreams while still holding on to my safety blanket.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

It was my first night in weeks I was actually home. No party or photoshoot planned early the next day. All I wanted was to be home, in my bed catching up on some shitty reality TV.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

The sound of my phone buzzing instantly made me sigh with the possibility of what was on the other end. I knew if it was going off at this time of the night it usually meant I wasn't getting to stay home.