The Book on SHOW, DON'T TELL | How to Write More Visually

Metaphor & Simile

Metaphors and similes are means of comparing something to something else in a fast, visual style. Fiction writers can use these devices to build an incredibly evocative visual image with comparitively very few words. Or, if not in few words, at least in more interesting words.

A metaphor is a comparison that pretends one thing is another thing. It may not be literally true, but by saying it is, it evokes a certain image in the reader's eye. 

A similar is a comparison that suggests one thing is like another thing. We don't pretend it literally is the other thing, but by saying one thing is similar to another thing, we can suggest that the feeling of it must also be similar. 

(Hint: You can remember the difference between 'metaphor' and 'simile' by remembering that 'simile' sounds like the word 'similar').

Example:

Normal text: She really loved meth. Boy was she an addict.
Metaphor: Her addiction was a howling monkey clinging to her back, berating her, whispering always: "Just one more. What's the harm in one more?"
Simile: Her addiction felt like a second person living inside her skull. Just when she was done, with no more left to give, this other person would seize control.

Why use metaphors and similes?

Metaphors and similes are naturally very visual, engaging turns of phrase. They can take a bland statement and turn it into genuine poetry.  Look at those examples above - feel the tone they convey in just one sentence. It's so much more alive than writing "she was a meth addict", which is factual. Sterile. OK, she's a meth addict, but what does that mean? What does that feel like?

These writing devices can achieve a few different things in fiction:

1) Convey an important concept
2) Offer humour or absurdism
3) Convey a certain tone so the reader feels the right emotion
4) Help us build empathy with a character by likening their experience to another we might recognise

Examples:

1) She splatted on the ground like a blobfish dropped from a particularly high height.
2) The wind gnawed at their skin with icy fangs, biting deep, all the way down to the bone.
3) Bobby-Jane was Jericho's old flame.

Tips for using metaphors and similes

Don't overuse them

The more you utilise metaphors and similes, the more noticeable it gets. The more someone notices what you're doing, the more they focus on your words, not your story. This breaks immersion.

Overusing these devices can start to confuse the reader. You're no longer giving them any actual information to follow - just endless poetry. It can blur the who, what, where, when, why and how of a scene.

Alternatively, they interrupt the flow, constantly breaking a sequence to cross away to some unnecessary comparison. 

Or, they become repetitive, with words such as "like" or "as" becoming too frequent in the text (see my book "The Book on FICTION WRITING" for more on lessons on avoiding repetition).

Metaphors and similes are something to add to your writing toolbelt, but they can't replace general good writing practices. Use them occasionally, and if you've ever worried, ask an editor or beta reader to check your work for you to see if you've used too many.

Be wary of mixed metaphors

A mixed metaphor is a writing sin. It's where, in your attempt to use a bit of poetic licence, you've brought together two different concepts that don't really make sense together. Once again, this can break immersion and add what's called reader 'strain' - that is, it takes effort on the reader's part to understand what you mean.

As a writer, your job is always to produce the best possible mind's eye image while creating the least amount of strain on the reader.

Examples of mixed metaphors:

1) "We'll have to iron out the bottlenecks."
2) From Rules for Writers by Diana Hacker: "Crossing Utah's salt flats in his new Corvette, my father flew under a full head of steam."
3) "Mr. Speaker, I smell a rat. I see him floating in the air. But mark me, sir, I will nip him in the bud." - Boyle Roche, Irish Parliament, 1887.
4) "We must get all of our ducks on the same page."
5) From Hour Game, David Baldacci: "He had that reputation. Some people thought he was over it, but old dogs rarely change their spots."

Be wary of non-sequiturs

A non-sequitur is another inducer of strain. In fact, it's the worst offender.

Here we've got a conclusion (or comparison) which does not make sense based on how it was set up. It doesn't flow, logically speaking. While non-sequiturs can appear generally in writing, they're also a common metaphor or simile mistake.

From Stephen King's On Writing comes this example: "He sat stolidly beside the corpse, waiting for the medical examiner as patiently as a man waiting for a turkey sandwich."

What does a man waiting for a turkey sandwich have to do with patience? 

Ensure your words match the tone and theme

Because metaphors and similes invoke such stark imagery, they also invoke the feeling of that imagery. If you choose the wrong image for your tone or theme of book, it's can be weird to read.

A classic example would be to use comparisons to contemporary objects and devices within a medieval fantasy novel. "His shimmering fireball sailed up into the night sky like a rocket to the moon." (that example is also a bit mixed, invoking 'sail' and 'rocket', which don't match).

Another example would be choosing the wrong tone, such as a funny metaphor in the middle of a tense dramatic scene, or a gratuitously violent simile in the midst of a lighthearted bit of banter.

Try to invent your own - don't rely on cliches and idioms

You're more than welcome to use cliches and idioms, as they all have their place. Indeed, because they're so common they're also very quick to understand - i.e., if you explain to a reader that one particular character is "Jericho's old flame", the reader probably knows exactly what you mean. Err, provided they know that idiom...

But, they're not that imaginative, nor might they be quite the right fit for your tone or theme.

Flex those writer muscles! Come up with your own. Similes are often easier to start with so have a go at comparing things to other things. Go on - compare that bit of vomit to a Rorschach; talk about how the wind has fangs; describe that birdsong like it's Mozart. You can do it!