Burning Red

Promotion

Hindi mapakali si Jess habang pinapakiramdaman ang lalaki sa kaniyang tabi. He's been waiting for this day to come. His heart's already prepared for this. It's now or never.

"Jacob," ang tawag niya dito.

Umayos siya ng higa paharap sa lalaki at nakita itong abala sa ipad na pagmamay-ari. Sinilip niya iyon at nakitang nakikipag-usap ito kay Lou, ang assistant nito sa mamahaling bakeshop na pagmamay-ari.

"Jacob," ang muli niyang tawag nang hindi ito tumugon sa kaniya.

Tumigil sa pagtipa ang mga daliri nito at nilingon siya. "What's wrong?"

"Mahal kita," ang pag-amin niya. Wala ng paligoy-ligoy at pagdadalawang isip. The faster he ends this the faster his pain will subside, or so he hopes.

Pinilit niyang pakalmahin ang sarili sa kabila ng malakas nitong pagkabog. He needs to get his act together and never lose his composure. Losing it would make Jacob see more of his weakness. His rejections is enought, hindi na niya kailangan pa ng ibang sakit mula sa lalaking mahal niya.

Tiningala niya ang mas nakakatandang lalaki at pinagmasdan ang magiging reaksyon nito. Kagaya niya ay wala ring pagbabago sa ekspresyon ng mukha nito. Nakatitig lang ito sa kanya.

"Tigil na natin 'to. Hindi ba't iyon ang napagkasunduan natin?" Aniya habang inaalala ang araw kung saan nila napagkasunduang pumasok sa ganitong relasyon.

Mahabang oras na katahimikan ang namagitan sa kanilang dalawa. The silence was suffocating and gloomy. 

Jacob looked down at him with an expressionless face and an icy stare. "Okay."

He swallowed the lump on his throat. Alam naman niyang dito ang kahahantungan ng relasyon nila. Jacob still loves his ex-girlfriend. Hinding-hindi nito pipiliin ang kagaya niyang bakla at palipasan lang ng init.

Jacob wasn't even into men, to begin with.

They just found mutual pleasure in each other's bodies.

But even with that obvious fact he still hoped for the impossible. He hoped Jacob would like him even a bit. Kahit katingting lang na pagmamahal.

"Do it with me for the last time, Jacob. Do it roughly."

-

Hindi malaman ni Jacob kung ano ang mararamdaman habang tinatanaw hindi kalayuan ang maliit na pigura ng dati niyang kaibigan.

Questions popped one after another in his head as he watched Jess Castillo carry a small infant in his arms. He was standing alone near the counter with his cart full of groceries he was about to buy. Hindi rin nakalagpas sa paningin niya ang mga baby items sa loob ng cart.

Tatlong buwan na ang nagdaan noong tuluyan nilang tinapos ang namamagitan sa kanilang dalawa.

Alam niyang hindi na maaaring ipagpatuloy ang relasyong iyon dahil ayaw niyang paasahin ang tao. Jess, despite being a stranger, became a good friend who he can share some of his burdens with during the times they were together.

Jess made it clear that they can still be friends after that but he wanted to respect Jess and his feelings kaya siya na ang kusang lumayo.

And right now he absolutely does not have any idea how to approach him anymore.

Napataas ang kilay niya nang may lalaking lumapit dito. Magkasing taas lang sila nito ngunit mas malaki ang katawan niya. The man placed the pack of diapers inside the cart and immediately wrapped his arms around the smaller man's waist.

Unti-unting napakuyom ang mga kamay niya. He doesn't understand why looking at them makes him see red. He badly wants to rip someone's arm apart.

"Babe, what are you looking at? Let's go home now."

Something must be wrong with him.