𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕔𝕦𝕓𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕙 𝕥𝕠𝕠 ; (ℂ𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕚 𝕩 𝕆ℂ🐺🦁)

𝟝 - ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕗𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕒 𝕨𝕠𝕝𝕗

ℍ𝕠𝕨 was I supposed to act now, knowing what I knew? What Cersei had told me... She had been right, it was a dangerous thing to say, dangerous knowledge in the hands of the wrong people, but she had told me, had deemed it more important, because the secret was worth nothing to her if I didn't know. Still, I didn't know how to respond to it. Deep down I knew that I wanted to agree with her, to go to her and tell her yes, I felt the same, but how could I? The Lannisters were to be treated with warily, it was one thing to befriend one, but quite another to- I rose from my bed, resolving to just avoid the queen for today and hope for some solution to my dilemma to spring forth from my thoughts until tomorrow. This was easier said than done, though. Our daily lives had intertwined more than I had consciously noticed until now. I grabbed my books and whistled for Rhaenys to come with me. Hoping that I wouldn't run into Cersei there, I went to the Godswood. The smooth trunk of the weirwood made for a good backrest, and while Rhaenys chased birds through the trees, I spread my books around me and began to study. But it was no use. All the words reminded me of how I taught them to Cersei, which brought my mind back to last night. I turned the page to a random chapter farther back that we hadn't read together yet, but by Murphy's law it was a story about a lion. I was about to fling the book away, but a heap of tawny fur dropped down onto it. "I know, girl", I sighed as I rubbed Rhaenys's coarse fur, "it shouldn't trouble me so much." Her wise purple eyes stared up into mine as if she understood exactly what I was saying. "But I can't help it, she's consumed me entirely. Everywhere I go, I think about her, everything reminds me of her. What am I to make of this? Have I been lying to myself all along, not wanting to believe what was right in front of me? I'm not sure if I have the strength to deny it any longer." Rhaenys licked my face. "You're right, girl, what am I telling you for? If I want to stop fearing what's between us, I need to talk to her. I'll go to her, right now in fact." Sitting up abruptly, I pressed my books to my chest and strode toward the castle more confidently than I felt. But in the garden, there was no Cersei. She had probably left when she didn't find me there at our usual time. I bit my lip, feeling a little guilty. What must she think of me? That I was appalled by her confession, that I went to tell someone, that I didn't want to spend time with her anymore? Without any explanation for my behavior, she could not know what I thought of the things she had told me in confidence. I did my best to push the thoughts away, knowing that now I had at least tried to find her and talk to her, and although it was little comfort, I managed to study for an inconsecutive hour at least.

When I heard her steps on the stone behind me, though, my heart beat high in my chest. All my momentary courage had ceased, and I did not know what to say to her. "Vallery", she said, sounding surprised even though she had to have seen me for a while to approach me. "I wondered where you were this morning. I'm... glad to see you." Her voice was soft as she moved to the chair next to me. "May I sit?" Since when did she ask me for permission? "Of course", I replied, keeping my gaze to the paper while I gathered my thoughts. How was I going to do this? I couldn't just tell her, the words would stick in my throat and never find their way out if I tried. I handed her a page, hoping it would keep her from initiating a conversation I wasn't ready for. She took it wordlessly, eyes flicking over the paper. I prayed she didn't see my unsteady breathing while I shuffled through the papers in front of me pointlessly, just needing something to do with my hands. We said nothing, reading and writing with only a few awkward glances dared at each other, while I desperately tried to form a plan in my mind. All the scenarios I played out ended in me not knowing what to say, though, and I was at a loss until my eyes fell on a specific word on the page I was reading. I knew she had learned enough to understand what I was going to say, still I watched her face breathlessly as I spoke the words. "Nyke avy jorrāelan." Startled by my sudden breaking of the silence, she looked up at me, and I could see the change in her expression when she processed what I had said. Her lips parted slightly, and her eyes took on a thankful kind of relief as she smiled. "I thought you didn't", she whispered. "I thought it had been a mistake to-" "It wasn't", I replied. "You may have made many mistakes, but that wasn't one of them." The words meant more than they said, they were acceptance, embracing the imperfect, loving what you shouldn't love despite the risk, despite the circumstances, despite history. Cersei edged her seat closer to mine and laid a hand on mine. It felt so right in that moment, I didn't know how I had been so blind before. The feeling in my stomach and heart and head that had been so unbearable felt sweet now, a welcome companion because I finally had a name for it. Raqnon. Love. I embraced the feeling, saw it no longer as a threat, but rather as an invitation to a miraculous journey that I couldn't wait to embark on. Rhaenys whined and put her snout on the table beside our hands. I laughed and petted her head, and Cersei carefully scratched her ear. "Want to take this inside?", she asked. I nodded and gathered up my things.