Love, Kulu

TWO

I looked at Anty, my grandmother, Janan and eventually at the most adorable girl ever. "Why did she name her after me?" I questioned.

"She wanted you to forgive her for everything, she blames herself for not being a good elder sister to you and being with you when you needed her the most." I eventually let down that tear that struggled to run down my face.

I glanced at my niece who is now my namesake who my sister gave birth to and gave up to the ghost. She looks exactly like her father but has my sister's cute lips. From that day I took an oath to treat him in such a way she will never guess that I am not her mother.

"Can I take her with me?" I asked grandma and she nodded. "Of course, you can, she is your daughter also." I smiled and I told Janan to carry her diaper bag so we can return to our father's house.

We walked out of the room then I suddenly remembered that I have to tell Anty something.

"Janan wait for me, I want to tell Anty something." she nodded and I saw those who were in grandma's room leaving.

I was about to open the door when I heard them saying my name. I don't like eavesdropping but I heard my name, so I have to hear what it is they are saying about me.

"Why didn't you tell her Safiyah's other request?" Grandma asked and I heard a sigh.

"Not now, maybe after the 40 days prayer, you know how Hauwa can be. She may decide to leave again." what could it be that they don't want to tell me? It must be really big news since Anty says I might decide to leave.

I decided to leave, I will ask Anty later. I kept pondering their conversation until I got to my father's house thinking about what precisely it might be.

Janan helped me with my luggage up to my room which Anty keeps clean always praying for the day I decide to come back. God! I have the most amazing stepmom.

Janan took hauwa, we need to find her a nickname, I entered my room to freshen up and I gasped. Everything still looks the same, just like I left it. I looked around the room and I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

I couldn't help but imagine what our relationship would have been with Safiyah, not that we were not close but she never really cared for me as an elder sister should have and our mother as usual made it worse. Sadiyah was the apple of her eye, Safiyah never did wrong in her eyes but Hauwa was always the rebellious one. I don't think I can forgive my mother and being in this room is bringing back memories I do not wish to remember. Memories that I have tried my best to recover from. As much as I try to forget it, I just can't.

"Haba Hauwa, why are you crying?" Anty sauntered into the room and I hugged her immediately and sobbed harder.

"It's okay my darling, everything will be okay In sha Allah." I nodded and we sat in absolute silence for a while before she asked.

"How is Ajwad." I smiled brightly for the first time that day. "He is good, he is with Sameerah. I wanted to bring him but because of school I had to leave him behind." she smiled and continued to massage my head which was slowly calming my nerves.

"Janan showed me his picture, it's irritating he looks like that bastard." I chuckled. "Yeah and we can dispute the fact that he is a handsome bastard." we both burst into fits of laughter.

"You know she regrets everything and for not being a sister to you when you needed her the most." I sighed.

"I know Anty, I want to forgive her and let bygone be bygone but my heart clenches anytime I remember it. I met her Anty, I told her what was wrong with me, I told her all he was doing to me and she told me to just leave and she wasn't in the mood for my shenanigans." I can recall everything, word by word.