Arranged love - jaylor AU

yes to the dress

- taylors pov - 

With my morning coffee I stand and look out from our big windows in the kitchen down on the streets of New York bellow us. Our apartment is the penthouse, so we are far up in a skyscraper owned by the hilton empire. Well... now both the Fitzgerald and hilton empires are merged and is called the hilton, but it was owned by the hilton before they merged. 

It's cold in New York now and hopefully there will be snow soon. Early December marks the transition from fall into winter. Fall is my favorite season, so I'm always sad to see it fade into the past, but winter has its own charm too. 

Joes' arms wrap around my waist from behind, so I lean into his arms «are you sure you're ready to go into work?» 

«I won't know before I try. And it's been a little over two months since the miscarriage. I'm going crazy being at home all day, I need to get back into normal, so I don't suffocate» I've been doing a lot of therapy, yoga, journaling, reading and trying to get back to myself. But now I need to add work into the equation. If I want my normal life back, I need to do the normal things too, therefore work is on the agenda from today and moving forward. Everyone has said I need to take all the time I need to get back on my feet, but I can't sit around at home anymore. If I don't get back to my regular life, I'm going to go insane and it's probably going to be harder the longer I push it off. Rip of the Band-Aid is the angle I'm taking today. 

«There is no harm in taking more time to rest. I just don't want you to fall apart again» I know he means well but it's annoying. The last thing I want is to be treated like some delicate flower that's going to break. 

«Remember what Laura said» we have had a few sessions as a couple because we needed to work on us as well as me working on me. A miscarriage is hard on a couple and I don't want it to damage what we have. Laura said that I need to be in charge of taking steps back to normal, and that he shouldn't second guess it. It's important for me to be in charge of my own recovery because it's my life and I need to be in the driver's seat. 

«I know what she said. I'm just worried about you love. It's my job to worry about my wife and my daughter» I love it when he calls Lilly his daughter, it melts my heart no matter how long it has been since the adoption. How can I be mad when he says stuff like that. 

**

Okay this is harder than I thought. Last time I was in this office I was in the bathroom and... no I can't even think about it. but I take deep breaths and sit down at my desk to get some work done. They have made sure my workload is less than normal for now so I can ease back into work. At first, I was pissed they wouldn't let me just jump back in, but there was no arguing when both my dad and Joe ganged up on me. Still pissed about that, but with how I'm feeling right is they were right. 

I'm scared that if I go into the bathroom there will still be blood there, but I've been promised its clean and there is no trace of what happened. I guess I just need to trust the people closest to me. Selena even got one of those special flashlights that the police use to seek for blood evidence during crime investigations to check the bathroom. The professional cleaner we used really got the blood out of there and there isn't a trace of it left. Selena might have gone a bit overboard, but I love her for it. 

Tre is a knock on my door before Joe comes in. «How are you doing? It's no shame going home if it's too hard...» he starts, and I glare at him. «Joseph. I told you I'm fine. Stop meddling, I need to do this. If anything, you're making it harder. I have work to do so leave me to do it please» I snap at him. He is taken back, I can see that, and I know he just wants to help. I'm still struggling with accepting help from those around me, but at least I'm trying.