wish you were gay | billie eilish

29 | the same man

what time y'all reading this?

-

i'm 7 months now and i'm showing to the point where i can't hide it with an oversized tee anymore. i've stopped going in many public places besides like parks so the paparazzi can't catch me. i've only been posting selfies on instagram to stay active.

billie's family knows and they support me so that's great. does the father of my baby know? nope. sigh, i'll get there eventually.

"but honestly, i think i'm ready to show my belly and announce that i'm pregnant to the world," i told billie.

"huh?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

"um is that okay?" i nervously chuckled.

"well i just thought- i don't know like-"

"you don't know?" i rose my eyebrows.

she just sighed.

"i mean do you not want me to post that i'm pregnant?" i furrowed my eyebrows at billie.

"well it's just that the people know we're together and-"

"andddd you don't want it known that i went and got pregnant on you," i squinted.

"i mean you know how that'll look lani," she said. "they'll have so much to say."

"okay and? fuck what they say!" i told her. "isn't that what you always tell me?" i put my arms out.

"but you're pregnant leilani!" she rose her voice, not in an angry way though. "like i don't know it's just-"

"what? you don't wanna be seen like your playing step mama?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"cmon lei," she tilted her head.

"no because i can't believe you're trying to tell me not to post about my pregnancy," i stood up. "im finally ready to embrace it and you just shut it down," i shook my head. "like i thought you were happy and excited."

she stood up too. "i am but leilani i still have an image to keep up!"

"billie you're ashamed aren't you?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"what?" she furrowed hers too. "what- lani no!"

"yes you are because you shouldn't have reservations about me posting my pregnancy," i rose my voice.

"i really wish you saw where i was coming from," she said lowly.

"i do," i nodded. "you're coming from the 'i care what everyone else thinks' mindset."

"i do not care what anyone else thinks!"

"yes you do!" i yelled. "you wanna keep up this mysterious facade to the world!"

she just stood there.

"exactly," i shook my head and started to walk out of the room. "don't worry i won't post about it."

-

"that's kind of fucked up though," margie said. "like from a PR perspective, i get it. and i get that she's just big on privacy but it's still your pregnancy."

"literally!" i exclaimed in agreement.

it's hours later and margie came over to help me with some stuff while billie was gone. but if course, i took this time to vent and rant.

"well you know my maternity shoot is next week," i shrugged. "maybe i'll post those."

"you'll do it when the time is right," margie rubbed my shoulder. "it's all about you and the baby. no one else."