our last summer. (e.m)

twenty-two: summers blossom.

my father's face is void of any reaction when the words of decision have left my lips.
but i can see it in his eyes.
they gloss over with what could either be pride or disappointment in my choice.
you learn after a while to understand the language those around you speak,
even without them ever uttering a word.
sometimes you adapt to this new sense of understanding in mere days,
sometimes even hours.
it took me an entire summer to learn the emotions of my fathers eyes that mimic my own.
"are you upset?"
"no, clover, not at all. i just...i can't believe she called like that."
"i can't either,"
i admit as the skin around my nails is picked off.
"did she apologized?"
i give him a look.
one that says:
really think about that.
his chuckle is dry,
laced with sounds of sorrow.
"well...have you made your decision?"
i nod with determination.
there will be no changing my mind.
no matter how wide my mother may open her arms,
or how red her lips that will kiss my head are,
i am home.
why would i abandon such stability,
leave behind all this love and comfort,
for a place that no longer remembers the feeling of my feet on its floor?
why would i trade eddie's safe, warm embrace for hands that caress me and hit me the next?
i love my mother and i will mourn her for as long as my heart echoes a pulse,
but i cannot return to her.
maybe if i were eight again,
things would be different.
instead,
i'm eighteen with the limbs and lips to prove it so.
"i'm staying."
my poor father,
waiting for the tide to rise and crash into him with the words of departure:
i'm going back to my mother.
instead,
flowers have bloomed at his temples in petals of fatherhood.
"my clover girl,"
he beams with the proudest smile.
"i wouldn't trade you for the world, dad. thank you...for letting me come back."
"no...thank you for coming home, y/n."
my name sound against his lips offers hope.
i realize how my decision here was the only viable option,
the only choice.
why leave home?
why search for something bigger than this?
i have everything i need here.
i don't need the whole world,
not when i have a home.
after my father and i have settled the rift that threatened to drown us,
i hug him once more before i find priority in the phone.
i call eddie but i am left with no answer.
so i try once more.
still,
he has yet to pick up.
i know what he is doing.
he is refusing to hear my voice in fear of the words that leave my lips will be ones of heartbreak.
i lean my head against the wall and sigh.
there have been times when eddie has fought tooth and nail to keep our love alive.
how much longer can i pretend i am not a fighter?
i want eddie,
i love him.
is that not enough for the bearings of my soul to come undone and let the words of fighting truth pour from my lips?
i lace my shoes before this urge to give up burns out.
i cannot say i would ever give up on eddie,
but i will make it known that i have stayed because of him.
he has kept my memory alive,
kept my name pure in times of threatened tarnishing,
and he has loved me for everything that i am and everything i will be.
how could i give that up?
for a woman who has fit me into a mold i've grown out of?
i find the adrenaline rushing through my veins gives way to the steady beating of my fist against eddie's door.
i'm not meaning to bang,
but i'm filling up on this urge to proclaim my existence with his and i can't wait a second longer.
"y/n,"
eddie answers with a heavy sigh.
perhaps it's the way my breath leaves my lips,
or the wide-eyed expression i wear,
that leads him to believe i've come to say my final goodbyes.
but doesn't he see the itching of my hands for his?
or the inching of my smile as i announce,
"i'm staying. and i was so, so stupid to think i could ever come back and leave you again. i came back because of you and i will stay because of you. i will stay with you for as long as time allows. i love you and i will never stop loving you."
eddie steps forward and falls into me like a lover returned home;
hungry hands finally sated on this love.
he's tucked away in the crook of my neck,
where his words vibrate against my skin and tattoo themselves there,
"every breath of mine is yours, y/n. i love you."
he kisses the bone of my jaw and repeats,
"i love you."
i wonder if these streaks staining my lovers cheeks in glittering saline are tears.
i'm certain they are the moment i wipe them free and leave them to collect in the creases of my palm.
"you won't regret it. i'll...i'll make everyday you spend here worth it. i promise."
"being able to love you is plenty, my love."
he smiles and brings me in close by the gentle guiding of my chin beneath the influence of his index finger.
"i'll make myself a worthy man of you."
before i can utter a reply,
eddie stops me from saying anything trite and kisses me instead.
if my words will not suffice,
i will make sure he understands them in this vehement, filled with longing, kiss.
you are meant for me.
come as you are.
when he seems to receive my nonverbal message,
his knees grow weak and he stumbles.
luckily,
i am there to steady this man so drunk on love.
i'd be but a liar if i didn't admit this moment is filling me up on glee and rather quickly.
i spill over with giggles and try to confine them with the palm of my hand until eddie pulls my hand away.
"laugh it up,"
he teases with a wide smile that surely mirrors my own.
"it's the most beautiful thing i've ever heard."
"you're such a sap,"
i tease despite my cheeks growing aflame beneath his affections.
he tilts his head of hair with a grin to say,
"you love it."
"i do,"
i return while wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing him back into me.
i want nothing more than to indulge in this for the rest of my time spent living.
what a sweet reward,
eddie's lips.
he kisses me like i am the only woman on earth meant for him.
i don't doubt his beliefs in this,
considering how perfectly his hands fit to my being;
how closely knitted our souls are and have always been.
"let's go do something to-to celebrate,"
eddie suggests with his excited lips still pressed to mine,
words coming out muffled and giddy with euphoria.
i smile amidst our kiss as our bodies containing too much glee begin to rock side to side.
"like what?"
"anything you want. the night is yours."
him and i take turns planting quick kisses to each other's lips that give life to our lovesick nature.
i cannot care to pull away and save this for private.
let those who stare,
stare.
let them wonder what it might be like to indulge in something as beautiful as this;
something as blissful as what we've forged with our own two giving hands that are never empty.
"well, i promised i'd be home for dinner...would you like to join us?"
eddie brings his hands and molds them around the shape of my cheek,
where he drinks my image in with a dizzying smile.
"i'd love nothing more, green girl."
then i am met with a kiss i will never grow tired of.
how can it be that each time our lips meet,
i fall deeper in love?
it's as though he is speaking to my soul without ever uttering a single syllable;
just bending to the will of me and kissing me tender.
when i rest to his chest for just a moment,
reveling in his scent and letting my heartbeat synchronize with his own,
i close my eyes and find hope burrowing itself in my chest.
for the first time in what feels like years,
i am full of hope.
it's then i notice his clothes are void of a certain scent i've grown accustomed to.
"did you...did you stop smoking?"
i ask eddie with my chin planted to the pit of his chest.
he smoothes my hair away from my face when he answers,
"i figured if i might be able to spend the rest of my life with you, i could do what i can to...to live a little longer."
i lean into his hands while flourishing under his wide eyes of ardor.
"just when i think i couldn't possibly fall in love with you anymore, i somehow fall all over again."
eddie smiles and a wave of pink colors his skin.
he shakes his head as though he might be trying an attempt of humility,
but how can he deny it when my smile proves his efforts valuable?
"with any luck, you'll keep finding ways. god knows i will."
"you don't have to doubt it, bunson burner, i will."
for good measure,
to seal our vows to one another,
him and i kiss just once more.
it is deep and overflowing with passion,
it is as beautiful as every other time we've come together.
"come on. we have a dinner to make."
and so,
returning with my lover in tow,
eddie and i head home to laugh over dinner and cherish another moment spent together with my father included.
***
"how are you feeling?"
eddie asks as we now sit on my front porch,
letting the warm, summer air of night kiss what skin isn't protected by cloth.
"good."
i lean my head against his arm and answer again,
"really good."
the dinner went as expected;
the jubilance was palpable.
between eddie and i's romance filling the space between us,
and the paternal love my father offers,
i am a content woman.
i am happy and i know that whatever happens from here on out,
i will not be swayed because this is home.
even facing the biggest challenge of denying my mother,
the words lifted a weight off of my chest:
"i'm not coming home and i never will. please don't call again."
eddie held my hand the entire time,
even after when i was trembling down to my bones.
i was soothed by his gentle kisses to my chilled skin and the encouragement of my father.
i can brave anything with this love to heal me whole.
"i'm proud of you, you know? you've grown a lot this summer and...and i'm glad i was able to watch you come into your own."
"well, i have you to thank for helping me."
eddie smiles but shakes his head.
"nah...that was all you, my love."
then he caresses my cheekbone with his thumb to whisper,
"you're so...so beautiful."
a shy smile dances across my lips and i'm urged to thank him with a kiss,
but i save it for when my father isn't lingering.
"i love you, eddie."
"i love you, y/n."
my name leaving his lips in such a confession of enamor makes my skin rise with chills.
i let the blanket of bliss swallow me whole;
i let it echo in my mind to settle inside me.
"is there anything else you want to do tonight?"
he asks now,
kissing the top of my head after.
"no, i don't think so. but i'd like to stay with you tonight if that's okay."
eddie is nothing but smiles when he nods to say,
"of course it's okay. it's more than okay."
when my father grants me permission to spend the rest of my night with eddie to celebrate my staying,
him and i soon make way to his home again.
as father goes,
i believe i've lucked out in both leniency and familial love.
i owe my father everything and i will never again let my love for him be unknown.
but for now,
i'll spend my time in the pale moonlight with eddie's hand in mine,
giggling until my stomach aches and tears of joy wet my cheeks.
"well, isn't this your lucky night?"
eddie muses as we approach his home.
"what do you mean?"
"my uncle's home. you'll finally be able to meet him."
my eyes widen and i halt beside eddie.
"wait! do-do i look okay? like, do i look presentable?"
eddie cannot help but to fill up on more laughter at my expression,
only to still me by placing his hands on my shoulders and nodding.
"you look perfect, alright? better than perfect."
he plants tiny kisses all over my feverish skin to follow through on his compliment.
"besides, it's not like you're not meeting the kennedy's or anything. it's just my uncle."
with his lips to my skin,
i'm finally filled up on enough strength to walk in beside eddie and greet this uncle i've heard so much about.
"wayne, this is y/n."
the man stops searching around for whatever he might be looking for to greet me.
he is smiling wide and reaches towards me with an open palm ready for my shake.
"y/n. how nice to finally place a face to the woman my nephew won't hush about."
i laugh, though not too loudly, and turn to eddie with teasing eyes.
he rolls his own beneath my stare.
"he talks about me, huh?"
"whenever he gets the chance to. all good things, believe me."
wayne and i share a laugh at eddie's expense,
but i'm sure to entwine his hand with mine to show how absolutely adorable i find this admission to be.
"it's nice to meet you, wayne."
"you, too. i was just on my way out."
eddie chimes in now,
"you're leaving?"
"mhm. night shift."
i watch as eddie and his uncle exchange a few more words and then a goodbye,
to which i'm offered one as well.
i return it with ease and excitement.
i feel as if eddie and i are becoming one now;
families entwining.
"do you think he likes me?"
i ask a still blushing eddie as we fall to his mattress.
"yes,"
he groans playfully.
"everyone loves you, clover-over."
his words come out muffled as his lips line with mine,
then we share a kiss.
this time,
it is charged with something different.
something i'd only ever felt once before.
delight buries itself in the core of my body as eddie and i fall deeper and deeper into each other.
as instinct leads me,
i wrap my legs around his waist while he continues to hover over me;
lying between my legs.
when my hands run themselves down the length of his abdomen and hovers just over his belt,
eddie pulls away from me with great effort.
"wait,"
he says breathlessly.
"are you...are you sure?"
i nod without hesitation.
"if you'll have me, i'm yours."
eddie takes a moment to gather his breath and surely calm his rising nerves.
his kiss finds way to my neck,
where i tilt my head to allow him more access.
i feel him become lax between my legs;
his hips have lowered to meet mine.
"the night is yours,"
he repeats in a hushed whisper that's laced with seduction.
my heart drums in my chest in anticipation of what's coming next.
eddie and i will show our most vulnerable selves in a night of pleasure and ecstasy.
i know it will be worth it,
but i still find myself growing shy.
just until his lips are back on mine.
a hunger grows inside of me;
rising from the lowest part of myself and burning it's way up.
i yearn for eddie and i give myself to him.
he is not selfish in pleasure.
what eddie finds to satisfy me,
he is sure to use to its greatest potential.
he pays attention to this insatiable desire i've harnessed and he calms it with knowledgeable hands and fluid hips.
as his hungry lips kiss past my stomach and both of my hips,
he makes sure to leave his marking on this tattooed heart of mine.
and the lower he goes,
the more i am engulfed in this intoxication and brought to newer heights.
i am but a girl being touched for the first time;
i blossom under his touch. 
then during the night,
when we are entwined between sheets and covers,
i find that i do not know where eddie begins and where i end.
i rather enjoy this entanglement and i hope it will never end.
"you're doing so good, love,"
he whispers with his lips pressed to my ear.
my nails dig into the skin of his shoulders when we've finally made it all the way.
between this pleasure that's settling in my core in preparation of a climax and the sensual sounds of eddie's enjoyment escaping his lips,
i find myself coming undone;
i am unraveling under his influence.
it seems the more his name is whimpered in soft syllables,
the deeper into me he falls.
"fuck,"
he groans with his hands tangled into mine,
now raised above my head.
involuntarily,
my hips buck forward and my back arches itself.
eddie takes this as a sign of good faith and continues on with what he's doing to me.
i call out for him and am met with the response of his heavy breaths and throaty words of praise.
"that's it, baby, just like that."
i've never imagined i could feel such euphoria.
how could eddie call to my body and it respond this way?
when his lips find mine and our kiss is sensual,
filled with nothing but vehemence as we near closer to the edge,
he whispers,
"i love you."
i have to find the breath in my lungs to say it back.
then i've hit my peak and become nothing but incoherent cries of bliss while my limbs spasm beneath him.
eddie grins down at me and nods in encouragement.
he guides me through this nearly overwhelming rapture that overcomes my body;
the chemical and physical reaction to his influence.
"oh my god,"
i mumble into his chest,
all while laughing at the same time.
tears cloud my vision,
brought forth from this experience,
and eddie is quick to reassure me with kisses.
when i've steadied some,
eddie falls to my side for a moment of breath.
i, too, lie still while my limbs find feeling again.
"oh my god,"
i repeat.
eddie chuckles in what seems like agreement before he wraps me in his arms.
"god, you're amazing,"
he whispers to my bare shoulder.
i fall into him and whisper through this hoarse voice of mine,
"yeah, you were decent,"
i tease.
my current state shows that eddie was well above decent,
and he knows this.
him and i fall into this laughter we've grown so familiar with until my tired body gives in.
with one more caress to his cheek and one more kiss,
i whisper goodnight and let my heavy eyelids send me under.
i dream sweet dreams of course.
how could there be anything else?
—
an
i am so sorry friends but i had to give the people what they wanted LMAO!!!
i hope it was worth the wait my loves <33