Sad little girl

Wednesday

I'm tired.
So tired.
I want to sleep.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to shout.
And then, the next day I'm all cheerful and happy.
I don't understand anything anymore.

I'm strong. I'm strong. I'm strong.
Don't cry.
Keep your head up.
You don't have any reasons.
Keep on smiling.
Everything is great, everything is fine.
It's going to be better.
Just wait a bit.

I don't know how much longer I can fake it.
I don't know how long I can smile, when deep inside of me I want to cry.
I don't know when I'll finally start to be happy.
I don't know when it's going to feel like home.
And there's too many "I don't know".

I don't understand my feelings anymore.
They're all mixed in my mind.
My head is burning, they won't get out.
My whole self is filled with feelings I can't understand.
I can't support them much longer.
It messes up with my mind.
I'm struggling to get them out of me.
They are everywhere, invading every part of me.

Should I be happy?
Sad?
Stressed?
Disappointed?
My mind is blank.
But still, filled with feelings.
I wish I understood.

I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish.
I could wish a thousand more things.
But would it change something?

"How are you?"
"M' good"
And my eyes are watering.
How. Are. You.
Simple question.
Thousands of answers.

I'm lost. I'm so lost. So lost.
Lost in my thoughts.
Body.
Feelings.
Home.
School.
City.
Lost in my life.

Maybe I already lived the perfect.
Now, there's only me and my broken self.

I wish.
I cry.
I hope.
I scream.
I laugh.
I think.
I dream.
I feel.
I breathe.
I'm lost.
But most of all.
I'm human.
I'm strong.
And I will survive.

May :)