Twice His Age

16: Married

Her heart wanted to burst out of her chest, but she knew she had to do this. And it wasn't even for herself. She had to do this for her son's future which she couldn't afford to ruin more than how much she had ruined it so far. She didn't find her in the living room, and even though Sabeeha knew that the number of times she had been to Hajia's bedroom could be counted on both hands and there would still be more fingers left in the years she had lived with them, she knew for a fact that this conversation couldn't wait.

So, with a racing heart, she knocked on the door and waited to hear a response from inside. When she had stayed for five minutes and there were no words, she knocked again, silently praying that she would hear it and usher her in. Even though she might never even imagine that Sabeeha had the guts to come to her room.

"Come in," she heard her voice uttered and she heaved a sigh out of relief before she walked into the room.

It was as exquisite as every other part of the house. But there was something warm and homey about the room that made her instantly want to sleep, she was so tired. But she knew she couldn't afford any sort of distraction at the moment and would have to walk on threads for this conversation.

"Good afternoon, Hajia," she greeted the moment her knees got in contact with the floor. She knew it hadn't even been two hours since after what had happened in the kitchen and the fact that she was here, yet again, to beg this woman over the betterment of her life was so depressing that she wanted to break into tears right there. But so what if this was the life Allah had planned for her? She'd embrace it with full faith and see what she would make of it.

"What the hell bring you to my room?!" She had already flinched and put up her hands to cover her face when she remembered that Hajia didn't have something to throw at her now. She had only done that out of habit.

She ducked her head down and began fiddling with her fingers. Where were all the words she had practiced on? What was it that she wanted to tell? To beg for? "Hajia, I came to beg you about something."

"Which is?" There was an edge to her voice, which made Sabeeha know that her request would never be accepted and even though she had that knowledge even before she came, she still wanted to give it a try. Because then, guilt wouldn't be ripping at her with every breath she took.

"I can't get married to Idi, Hajia. I know that I should've spoken up the day you and Alhaji revealed that I was going to, and I'm so sorry about that. But what Idi had told you about the incident wasn't true. Wallahi tallahi I've never as much as thought about Idi for a minute in my life. He came to me and forced himself on me. And if Anas and his friend didn't come in time, I would've been ripped off of my dignity by him..."

Hajia threw her head back and laughed and something sank in Sabeeha's heart. She knew that all the humiliation she was going to get now was caused upon her by herself but then she didn't have a heart made of stone. She felt pain in her chest when insulted and right now, even though the insult didn't come yet, she could already feel her chest squeezing.

"Which dignity? Do you think you have some dignity left? Wait, do you think that you're seen and viewed as a worthy woman after you become a divorcee twice? People don't even rate you and wouldn't. Your dignity lies in your husband's house and that's where I'm going to make sure you walk into, today. In a few hours, in fact..."

She gulped down a lump in her throat and wished all the words she had lodged in her chest could come out. But she wasn't that courageous. "Hajia, Idi is abusive, just like my other two husbands. I'm not saying becoming a divorcee twice is something to be proud of. But after what had happened today between me and Waleed, I believe even though not what I wanted, walking out of those marriages was the best thing I've done to myself."