Louis' house

10. the fourth tear

Harry feels drained.

This is all just too much. He can't do this anymore, he just wants it to end. He wants to be happy, and breaking up with Francis is so complicated. Everything is always complicated. His mind is spinning, trying to figure out several things.

First, what does he want for himself? He wants peace and happiness, but he knows for that to happen he will most likely cry again, at least once more.

Second, does he want to be with Louis? Yes, is the answer, he does. He definitely knows he doesn't want to be with Francis anymore. How someone can treat him like shit like that, and Harry never even noticed before, is weird. Harry feels near tears at the thought of that alone.

That he's not sure if he would even have realised it if there hadn't been the constant comparison of Louis doing everything he ever needed, without being asked to. The comparison of someone else knowing him more than Francis ever did. And understanding him, and actively showing that he does. He doesn't know if he would have gotten enough self respect together to break it with Francis if there hadn't been Louis.

Third, he doesn't know if he fell in love with Louis again, or if it just never really went away. After all, he'd still been foolishly in love with him when he got together with Francis, already an unhealthy start of the relationship he now so desperately wants to get out of. He doesn't know if him falling in love once more just covered up the love he still had for Louis, so that it was less noticeable when he forced himself to stop thinking about the man. Or maybe it replaced it.

Harry doesn't even really care, he knows that he loved Francis but doesn't anymore, and he knows that he loved Louis for the better half of his life, and does right now. If there is a still or an again, doesn't really matter to him.

Adding to that is the crisis about what exactly he wants to do now.

He wants to break up with Francis, that is for sure.

But he doesn't know what to do then. He could go to him mum's, seek the comfort of his family and the people who know him inside out. He could stay there and make a plan for his future, find a university to finish his started studying.

But he could also go to Louis and seek the comfort of love. Someone who knows him, maybe even more than his family does. The person who has been his favourite for most of his life.

He doesn't want to seem invading, but Louis hinted on multiple occasions that the big house all alone makes him sad, and he obviously likes Harry's company just as much as it is the other way around, when he has never done anything but welcome Harry into his home.

Hell, he allowed Harry to shape his home like that, Harry knows where everything is in drawers and he knitted most of the pillows on the couch. It is basically already theirs, not only Louis'.

Still, Harry knows if he stayed with Louis, something will happen, and while he definitely wants it to happen, he doesn't know if he, for himself, should take a break from commitment for a while. Get his head around who he wants to be, maybe go traveling like Louis did.

It's just that. He wants Louis.

He wants to be with him, he wants him, all of him. He wants that life, that they could have had if they never broke up and fixed his grandparents' house together like they planned to in the first place. He's in love with Louis, and he really can't wait any longer. Just that he has to, because he's still fucking engaged.

Speaking of the devil:

I'll land in two hours

That's all the text says, and Harry barely glances at his phone. He quickly reads the words, scoffs, and turns his attention back to his book. Because seriously, who does this man think he is? He's fighting with Harry in front of his whole family, disrespected and insulted him several times, left without any explanation, texted like three times in one and a half weeks, and now thinks he can just come back like nothing happened.