DEAR FATE

Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

BREANNA,
A few days later...
I knew Blake was back from his business trips, so finally, I plucked the courage to tell him. I called, telling him, we had to talk. I'm so nervous. I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my life. Trust me, I've had some bad moments in my time, but this is the worst only because I know it'll destroy us both. This is something I truly don't want to do, but I know I need to be honest with him. He deserves that much.
I'm sitting in a huge waiting room, one outside his office. The building is pretty big too. I hadn't realised how big his company is. Anyway, while I'm sat here my leg's bouncing uncontrollably. Holy crap, I can't stop it from bouncing. I'm also wringing my hands together just with feeling super anxious. While I'm just about to run out of there, I almost jump out of my skin when I hear his secretary. She's telling me I can go in now so after taking a deep breath I nod my head in thanks. Once I stand up I slowly walk to his door where Blake is. Blake, the only other man to own my heart. He's the only other who's woven his way into my heart and changed me he's changed everything. When I open his door, the first thing I see is his desk and then I see him. He's standing by his window while looking out looking lost in thought. Oh god, he looks so beautiful.
"Hey," I attempt to say more, but my throat clogs so I have to clear it.
He hears me of course, and when he turns his head to face me I watch as his eyes light up. Only I can see he's worried. He's worried about what I have to tell him. It's like he knows this is it this will be our last time together. It'll be our last time together in the same room breathing the same air. At the thought of this, I feel the air whoosh out of my lungs. I'm feeling the devastation grow. The pain is growing in my heart and my soul. I can't do this will kill us, but I have to. If Jax and I want to be a family, I have to give us a chance. He moves around his desk heading for me to where he then lifts his arm reaching me to lock his office door.
"Hey, darling, I don't want anyone to disturb us." He said, answering my unspoken question about him doing so. I end up nodding my head in understanding and then he wraps me in his big arms. He's breathing me in, which causes my body to tingle when he does. I can't stop this feeling I love him so much but I love Jax. We're just holding each other. I'm clinging to him just as he is with me. My heart is racing, thumping like it'll jump out of my chest.
"Blake, w-we need to talk." As I say the words, I feel his body stiffen and I end up clinging to him even more than before. I really can't handle seeing his worried face right now so once again I'm hiding my face in his chest. Yet I have no choice, especially when pulls back placing his hands on my face. He's practically forcing me to look at him anyway. Oh god, his eyes are killing me.
"What is it, baby? Is everything okay? Is Jax okay?" I nod, and tell him everything's okay, only to sigh as I push my cheek into his hand just loving the feel of him. "Then what is it? Brea, you're kind of freaking me out here what's going on?"
Tears fill my eyes as I prepare to hurt the only other man who I've ever loved been in love with still in love with.
"I-I told Jax, I told him about his son. He."
"Well, that's good that's a good thing, right? I mean, he's not denied him has he?" He asked while looking pretty pissed of course, I tell him no.
"Far from it Blake, he. He's happy about it. He wants to get to know his son, but he. We"
Blake sighs, and then I see a tear roll down his cheek. Oh, this is killing me he's figured it out.
"He wants you, doesn't he?"
My face must say something to him. It must say everything he needs to know. Fuck. He's frantically shaking his head in a panic.
"No-no, you're not. You're not leaving me for him! Baby, no. I won't let you. I love you and you love me too you fucking said so."
Tears are streaming down my face now. I can't control the wracking sobs that are breaking from my chest after he pulls me into his arms not wanting to let go.
"Blake, I. I'm so sorry. I love you so much, but I need to try. I need to give this a go for my son. I..."
"If you love me, you wouldn't be with him. You'd be with me. Brea, I love you. I'm in love with you. Baby, you can't just walk away. Not from what we have. Remember, he'd left you, Brea. He'd left you, both of you. I'm here you know I'd never break your heart, not like that you know this!" He grits that last part out of frustration and a shitload of hurt shining through. "I-I know Blake, I know but I-I love him. This is so confusing to be in love with two people two men at the same time it's so confusing. I-I'm so sorry, I really am. I feel my heart, break. It's breaking in two again. I mean, just the thought of being without you kills me, but I have to give this a go. I need to see if we can make this work. I-I need him."
He's shaking his head, still not ready to give in.
"No. No, you don't need him! Christ! Baby, you have me. I can take care of you, you want me just as much as I want you. We're in love, Brea. You can't just throw this... what we have away."
"I'm not throwing it away, Blake. I'd never just throw it away. The love I feel for you will be with me forever, but this is something I have to do. Blake, I have to give my son and myself this chance I owe it to myself and my baby to try and make this work."
I see more pain in his eyes lots of pain and hurt. Oh god, I've finally broken him. I'm just standing there watching the man I love, break in front of me. Sobs wreak his chest before he kisses me. Of course, I try to pull back but only because this will only make the goodbye so much worse.
"Please, darling, if this is our last moment together? Then please, allow me to love you, just one last time. Please give me this. I need it, Brea."
I don't even question his words I just kiss him. I'm kissing him with every ounce of love I feel for him giving him what he needs. Hell, it's what I need to say my goodbyes to him.
I'm clinging to him both of us feeling the moment. I need it and he feels it too when he suddenly lifts me, making me wrap my legs around his waist. Before I can even get comfortable, he quickly moves over to his desk.
All the while this is happening we're both still holding onto each other so tightly. We're both feeling the pure love we have for each other it's rushing through us as we connect once again. Only this time it's not rushed. No, we're taking this slowly. We're both of us keeping this saving it to our memories forever. We're also telling each other how much we love each other.
As we finally come down from our release, we hold each other so tightly. I think we're too scared to let go it's like we don't want this connection to end, but it's interrupted when we hear his phone. Naturally, he answers it. It's his secretary telling him his three o'clock is here. He sighs before telling her he'll be out in five minutes. Eventually, we reluctantly pulled apart instantly feeling the cold hit my body as we do. I know this is it I know I need to leave but my whole body is telling me to stay. My mind too but it's also telling me I need to be with Jax. So, after taking a deep breath, I sort myself out. Yet while I'm doing this, I'm also mentally trying to prepare myself to leave his office. I'm preparing myself to leave the love of my life to walk away from him forever.
I'm looking at him and his head is down. Seeing this made my chest constrict again, especially when I see a few tears drop from his eyes. So I walk towards him just to stand in front of him. Only the distance coupled with and our pain is just too much to bear, so I wrap my arms around him and hold him. I hold on to him once again for the last time and just when I think that he'll push me away he pulls me close.
"I love you, Blake Andrews..."
"Brea, please, don't do this, please." Oh god, my heart's breaking just the pain in his voice is killing me. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." As I say the words, I reluctantly pull out of his arms. I pull away and then make my way to the door but when I grab the handle after unlocking it he suddenly stops me. I pause at the door after hearing him say the lathe words I'll ever hear from him words that crush me into oblivion.
"I'll always love you, darling. I'll never stop."
More tears stream down my face as I nod my head and say my final words.
"And I, with you Blake... Forever, 2Bs."
Eventually, I leave his office. I leave the other part of my world behind, leaving him behind broken. I thought I'd felt pain before. I thought I'd felt the worst pain ever, but this pain is worse. Trust me, this is pain pure evil pain. The pain I'm feeling, it's hitting the very core of my soul. I'll never forgive myself for this, for hurting him like this, for hurting myself like this. Fate, I fucking hate you.
When I finally make it home, I check my phone and I see a few missed calls and texts from Jax. Only I ignore them. He must've known I was doing it, only because eventually he came banging on my door, but again I ignore him. I don't want to push him away I just need time to try to heal myself from this immense pain. This bone-crushing pain that's stomping on my heart is too much. All I want is to get left alone, just for a little while. I'm sorry Blake.
I'm so sorry.