Finding Her

Willow

I didn't plan on living like a Nomad and driving around continental North America when I first started on my conversion of the 2009 School Bus my Dad dumped onto me when he passed away more than five years ago. It was the only thing he had of value to pass on given his anti-establishment, fuck the Government, and drug filled life style.

How he legally acquired the old yellow School Bus I have no clue, all I know is I got a call from my uncle Frank that my Dad was dead and he wanted the hunk of junk off his land my Dad left it on as soon as possible.

I have viewed it as a true gift from the Universe. A sign for me to get out of my mundane life of work, sleep, and work some more.

It just so happened that I have a extremely rich Grandmother who's only wish for my life is to end up nothing like her "deadbeat good for nothing son" or my "fluisy of a mother", her words not mine.

Since I've done my best to be none of those things my Nona has set me up with an extremely impressive Trust Fund that will take care of me for two lifetime's. I don't take her generosity for granted and take the treck up to Santa Fe to see her more than twice a year.

All the years of my parents passing me around to strangers to avoid responsibility and keep my very existence from my Nona definitely struck a cord with her and she's done her best to make up for the years lost.

Once I found a company that converts School Busses into full time living spaces to take on my project it took about six months to complete. I started my adventure in my hometown of Albuquerque, New Mexico and have been to almost every landlocked State there is since then.

My plan was to drive until I found somewhere that felt like I belong. So far it hasn't happened yet and I've come to the conclusion that a place like that is only in my imagination.

Don't get me wrong-I have fallen in love with more places than I can count. The beautiful beaches of Miami, the exquisite cuisine of New Orleans, and even the dry heat of Arizona. I spend weeks and sometimes months in one place hoping for that feeling in my gut that 'this is the place!' The place I can buy some land in and park my beautiful blue and daisy painted home I've built for myself and my gaggle of criters I've picked up along the way.

All I've ever wanted is a place that's mine. All my life I've been tossed around to whoever would take me in for as long as they could stand having me there.

My mom was a lost soul who seemed to find a new soul mate every few years. She lived her life on the road just like me, but she was looking for someone to call home, rather than find it herself. I don't blame her for how my life ended up. She never wanted to have a child, but never made me seem like the drunken mistake I surely was.

When she would come around to see me every few weeks she always had stories of grand adventures with the love of her life. Looking back now I know she was telling the stories more for herself than me. All the soul mates she had were people who only wanted her for what was between her legs.

I'm at the point in my life where I see what my mom was looking for. I have all the love I could ask for from all my animal travel buddies I've picked up over the years on the road, but the feeling of loneliness of knowing that I have no one to lean on when times get tough is always in the back of my mind.

My Dad always told me that we are a proud family and are the strongest around. I don't mind the tough life that I've lived, but I crave being able to have some softness every once in a while. I don't mind the hard work I've done to get where I am, in fact I'm proud of how far I've come. I am a strong independent woman who can handle anything life will throw at me, but having someone else to share the burden with will always be on the back of my mind.