Am I?

I need to find out. (TW: emetophobia, mentions of su1c1d3)

I needed to wake up from this dream. If it isn't, I just want to end my life! What's the point of living if literally no one is around me? Oh my God. I couldn't believe this. I covered my mouth with my shaking hand. I was horrified. Shakingly I went to the toilet. My weak legs barely held me. I fell to the toilet and felt sick. I needed to throw up. I lifted the toilet lid and started being extremely sick. After sitting there for a few minutes after throwing up, I felt better. I went to drink water but there was no water. COME ON NOW! Whatever. I had a water bottle! I don't know where I got it but it was apparently in a bag I found in my room. The water seemed clean. I smelled it before drinking, and it was fine. It was big too. Was this a coincidence? Maybe not. What if someone planned this all? Holy shit, I didn't even realize. This may be planned. Holy fuck. Oh my God. NO! WHY ME? Okay okay, I can do this, right? RIGHT? I just need to found out what the fuck is actually going on.

After changing my clothes and looking nice, I was feeling better and more confident. I took a knife with me - just in case. I sighed and opened the front door.

The next second I was on a roof. On one of the biggest buildings of New York. I was staring over the magical but yet completely empty city. This is where I usually hanged around. Always wanted to jump down, see how it feels. I've always wanted to. But not now. Not this time. Wait a second, if there's literally no one - that means I can do.. anything! I can take how many clothes I want! I can literally get me free food and water! I think that would be the best idea if I wanted to survive in this dumb word. I stood on the roof a little more, feeling the cold snowflakes slowly landing on my face. I suddenly felt a tear roll down my cheek, and washed away some of the snowflakes. I shook my head and told myself not to do anything like this right now. I got down from the roof and went straight to the supermarket and took everything I thought could be useful. I saw a shelf with water and I took a bag and literally grabbed every single bottle and put it in the bag. Okay, enough water, check. Now I needed food. I walked around the store. Even though I felt confident, I was unsure at the same time. What was actually happening?

As I walked up to the frozen food container and opened it, I realized that I was.. BLEEDING? WHAT THE HELL? SINCE WHEN WAS I BLEEDING? Oh my gosh! My shirt was already pretty soaked in blood. It was a cut near my chest. I needed to run back to the hospital, I didn't have much time. I grabbed a can of canned corn and ran as fast as my poor legs could take me. The cold wind and snowflakes slapped my face as I ran through the dark street. The cut was very much more painful now. I ran and ran until I finally saw the Red Cross on a white building. Finally. Wait a second - the hospital didn't have any staff. Fuck. I did not plan this. I grabbed my head in disbelief. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Wait, if there isn't any staff, then why can't I try doing this myself? Suddenly it hit me. I remember snucking past a place where you can get bandage on floor two once! I quickly pressed the elevator button and I had to wait a little bit. I held my cut and groaned in pain as I pressed the elevator button faster and faster. I felt my eyes tear up. I missed my mom. I felt as guilty as ever. What the fuck. Who the hell am I? Why do I act like this. Help me. I hate this. Please. The elevator door finally opened and I got in. I held my chest in pain as I watched me, pretty much die in the mirror. The elevator finally arrived to floor two. I ran as fast as I could to that stupid bandage holder. It felt like my heart screamed in pain. I fell to the bandage holder and took the bandage and wrapped it around my chest. I pressed it against my wound. Goddamn it hurt. I groaned in pain and just sat down there for a second. Ouch. Suddenly I felt a rough cough coming. Holy shit, this wasn't good at all. I coughed. I might've coughed blood, but I didn't see, I just passed out on the floor. In the middle of the corridor.