The Freak and his Queen [ e. munson]

Thirty-Seven: Dreams of Tears

It's peaceful. The air is crisp and relaxed with the October winds settling in, the leaves falling as the beginning of winter starts. This was the weather I enjoyed as I sat on the front porch, sipping a coffee as I watched Eddie throw Emma into a pile of leaves.

"Daddy, again!" Her little giggle filled the air. Eddie's eyes filled with a softness I'd never seen before every time she said his name. He had fit so well into the role of fatherhood.

"Ems, why don't we play on the swing so that your mama doesn't have to brush out a head full of leaves tonight?" Eddie laughed, picking up the four-year-old. She was gorgeous. She had Eddie's brown eyes and dark curls that bounced when she ran into Eddie's arms. She had his dimples as she giggled and I realized this wasn't my life.

This was a dream. 

I looked over at the older me as she sat on the swing, watching them with a smile. I was viewing my life, or what could have been my life. That was Emma. That was my baby girl.

I fell to my knees in a fit of tears, sobbing into my hands. Eddie was scared and unprepared, but he would have loved her harder than anyone could love. I always knew he'd been amazing even when he didn't.

A hand sat on my shoulder, rubbing it gently. "It's just a dream."

I looked up and I was looking at myself. I didn't know how but it was trippy. I had dark circles under my eyes and creases on my forehead. But maybe I was happy.

"It's my dream. Everything I should have had." I whispered, hearing an echo. I looked over and Eddie was swinging Emma on what looked to be a handmade swing. "We're so happy."

"They are. But I stay up with regret. He's a great father but we gave up so much to raise her. He should be a rockstar by now, performing at sold-out shows. I held him back from his dreams."

"Yeah but you still have a choice. I will never get this! I won't ever even get the option." I hissed.

"Neither will I. After having Emma, there were complications. I had to have a hysterectomy. You should have never got an abortion, you selfish bitch." The entire landscape started changing and I was in a blank tank, watching Eddie and Emma stand on the other side of the glass.

"No!" I screamed as a Demogorgon came into view. Just wake up. Open your fucking eyes, Denny. I couldn't watch this. I couldn't watch it kill them. But they didn't exist. They never would. This family dynamic was fake and I had to accept it.

"Mama?" Emma looked at me with her big brown eyes. Her lips were quivering and I was sobbing as I stepped away. This wasn't real. I had to step away. "Mama come back!"

I had to let go of her. She haunted my dreams for months and it was time to move on from the pain that held me back. I was not her mama and she was not my Emma. My Emma was away and I would see her one day when I join her. I wasn't spiritual nor did I have religious views but I had to believe that one day when I die, I'll see my Emma. But I couldn't see her happily for as long as I was burdened.

"Bye, baby."

"Jesus Christ!"

I was jolted awake with a bucket of water. I stared up at the ceiling of wherever I was, my arms and legs feeling like they weighed a million tons.

"Jesus Christ," Eddie repeated with a sigh.

"At least she woke up." I heard Dustin say.

"Hey," Max said, offering me her hand. I took it and pulled myself up, leaning against the wall.

"Where are we?" I asked directly to Eddie.

"After everything happened with ... Chrissy, uh, you kind of went into this catatonic shock state. So we came we. Rick's boat house. What a sick fucking joke. The guy gets hauled away for drugs and here I am trying to evade the law." Eddie scoffed.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

Everyone looked around before Robin cleared her throat to answer. "You and Eddie fled the scene so we're pretty sure they think you guys did it."

"But the way her body snapped and her eyes ... no human could have done that. This was the work of ... I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy." I laughed. We closed the gate. This was impossible.

"Maybe not. El has closed the gate before and they still came back." Dustin suggested, looking right at me.

"Yeah, but she lost her powers. Surely that's a sign that it's gone GONE, right? It killed the mind flayer and everything." Steve replied

"Jesus shut up!" Eddie yelled, shaking his hands at my brother and Steve, and then looked over at me. "What the fuck - sorry, there are children. What the hell are you both talking about? If you're mocking me for this absurd story, just ask Denny, she saw it too!"

"We're not mocking you!" Dustin shook his head.

"Don't bullshit me, man." Eddie pointed at him, getting defensive.

"We're not, Eddie," I mumbled.

"We believe you." Max nodded.

Dustin sighed and sat in front of Eddie. "Look, what I'm about to tell you might be a little... difficult to take. Okay. You know how people say Hawkins is... Cursed? They're not way off. There's another world. A world is hidden beneath Hawkins. Sometimes it bleeds into ours."

"Like ghosts and shit?" Eddie muttered.

I stood up and fumbled with the promise ring Eddie gave me back on Halloween. The truth was finally coming out and a part of me that I'd always hidden from Eddie was about to come to light. Would he be mad at me for not telling him or would he think I'd gone crazy? I looked over at him and shook my head.  "There are some things worse than ghosts."

the beginning of this chapter was so hard for me to write, I teared up a bit.