cute gay love story

a cute gay love story

is that selfish to look for a love story, rather than for love itself ?

i mean the two of them come together, but still...

i am a trans guy, not very confident, probably like a 6 or a 7 out of 10. crazy af. i kinda felt like i hadn't the right to something that beautiful.

plus i had a crush on that guy, a polyamourous guy with two other partners. at first i thought i had a chance, and then i started loving him too much, too strong, and i couldn't risk trying anything anymore. because if he wanted to get out of my life totally... it would be too hard.

i assume if you're still here you probably watched Heartstopper. do you get what i mean ? they're so perfect, i know this is fiction, but don't you crave for it too ?

the tension when they see each other, the hesitations, the smiles, every fcking word. one breathing so close to the other's neck, their mouths so close, but are they gonna kiss ??
no, one blushes and run away, cause he doesn't understand his feelings, cause it's too much, too much love.
they run away together, they go into beautiful places, at night, and when the tension is at its strongest - they kiss. they love each other so much, they can't imagine being appart.

in Heartstopper, it basically stops there. in Skam, it goes a little further. Elliott has a manic episode, and there's a really beautiful and romantic scene, before everything falls down - cause manic episode don't like being confronted to reality.

the boy first think it's over, you can't love someone that is crazy. then they try to fight it, and there's a happy ending... when they wake up next to each other, they feel lucky. when they stay together, they laugh, they say cheesy cute stuff, they talk about art, about everything.

they love each other.

love is a difficult feeling to explain, especially when you're feeling it.

but i'm not feeling it.

and the closest thing i can think about is the unlimited love i feel toward my favorite persons, which is closer to a form of family bond than to romantic love.

and there's .
my summer non-love story.

and to be honest, there's also that depressive phase that's coming... (i know depression is not a phase, it's terrible, only, in bpd you can have them too)

anyway, let's come back to those series i was watching, complaining about how i wasn't good enough for simple true love. my ex-girlfriend, had proven it to me : she said she left me because of distance, but it was mainly us both feeling to bad to cherish what we had, and my over-loving and tons of other symptoms became too much for her.

i just wanted a normal life, and a cute gay love story... and suddenly, he appeared.