Beautiful Boy

the moment

nicolas sheff

I hope she's okay.

I sat in my car, the door open next to me and my foot resting on the grass outside, staring at her contact on my phone.

Would it be worth calling?

I'd been sitting for what felt like hours after my talk with Spencer, but I knew that it'd only been a few minutes.

My cheeks were still wet with my tears, my eyes still glossy and slightly blurry even.

I needed her.

I very, truly, desperately needed her.

I didn't fully understand why she insisted on staying in San Francisco.

I deserved it, though.

I was a jerk, I was aware of it, I hated it.

I sighed and decided to go for it.

I clicked call and the ringing I heard pained me as seconds passed.

"Hello?" A male voice.

A fucking male voice.

"Hey, is Amara there?" I asked, praying it was one of the stupid poetry people.

"Uh, she just went to the bathroom. You must be Nic?" He asked.

"Yeah, and you are?" I questioned, heat trailing up my spine.

"Oh, I'm Axel, nice to... meet you?" He paused, "Does this count as meeting?"

"Who are you? And why do you have Mara's phone?" I asked.

I had questions, lots of questions.

That was just what I needed to push me over the edge.

I'd been gone for... what? Half-an-hour? And she was already with a guy.

I was being slightly unreasonable, I knew that, I didn't care.

While I was too cowardly to admit my feelings, I didn't want anyone else to have her.

Fuck.

"I'm her sponsor... kinda," he replied, "You're the famous best friend."

Sponsor? The fuck? Amara never wanted a sponsor.

"How did you guys meet?" I asked.

"Early hours this morning, like three maybe? We ran into each other at the view point. Not that special," he replied.

The view point?

Our spot.

Not that special?

The view point was beautiful at night, romantic even.

I felt like my world was collapsing.

The foundation of a tall building destroyed by an earthquake, crumbling down piece by piece into a pile of rubble as the plates shifted.

I swallowed my emotions and took a breath, "Oh?"

"Mhm, is there something you need? I can tell her, or- actually-"

"Who's that?" A girl's voice in the background.

My girl's voice in the background.

"Nic," the Axel guy replied.

There was a little rustling, then I heard a sound I recognised all too well.

Amara's long hair brushed against the speaker of the phone and she took a deep breath, "Hey, what's up?"

"Oh- uhm," I hesitated.

Was it worth telling her the truth?

Probably not.

"Nothing," I lied, cursing my voice for breaking.

"Are you sure?" She asked skeptically, she could always tell when I was lying.

"Mhm," I replied

"Okay..." she said, "Well, I hope the drive is good."

"Yeah," I sighed, "Me too."

"Okay, well, uhm- bye?" She hesitated.

"Bye," I said.

The second I hung up, I felt the welling tears in my throat.

They felt too real.

And sounds were too loud.

My emotions were too strong.

And only one thing could help that.

At least that's how it felt.

As soon as I was in Los Angeles.

That's what I promised myself.

~

amara haven

I couldn't stop thinking about the phone call a couple days ago.

Nic sounded upset, and he was lying.

I was sitting outside in the dark night with Kinsley, Valeria and Axel, a fire burning in front of us.

Axel was showing Valeria and Kinsley how to 'properly,' his words- not mine, roast a marshmallow and make smores.

I could hear them laughing and chatting away in the distance.

I was stuck in my mind.

I hated it.

As much as I considered drinking, I knew I didn't want to.

Life was so much better sober, and I was glad that Nic knew that too.

The barking of a dog pulled me from my thoughts, I turned to see Patronus barking at the gate beside the house.

"Pats, come here," I called, it was just a squirrel in a nearby tree that he was barking at.

He ran over to me and tucked his head under my hand.

I ran my finger up his nose and scratched between his ears, admiring his gorgeous features and pattern.

"You okay, Amara?" Axel asked.

I looked up and nodded slowly.

"Come and tell Kinsley that Harry Potter is, in fact, the biggest jerk at Hogwarts," he said, motioning for me to join them.

I laughed, "Draco is the biggest jerk, but Harry's close second."

"I'll take it," he shrugged, making us laugh.

"He's not, though! He's just been through a lot," Kinsley defended.

"I've been through a lot and I'm not an asshole," Axel exclaimed loudly.

"Oh, Amara, is it okay if Noah comes over tomorrow?" Kinsley queried.

"You don't have to ask, sweetie," I shrugged, "As long as he's respectful."

"Kinsley's got a boyfriend," Valeria danced around, speaking in a sing-song voice.

"I do not!" Kinsley countered.

I laughed at their antics.

I'd missed them more than I realised.

Focus on the moment, Amara.

I constantly reminded myself.

Focus on the moment.

Not Nic. Not the nagging thoughts about him. Nor the bad feeling I had about leaving him on his own.

Focus on the moment.