Juicebox - Shinsou Hitoshi X Reader

Chapter Twenty-Eight

!!CONTENT WARNING!!
There will be some scenes describing a form of self-harm, skin picking/scratching so please be careful while reading <3 sorry if not much happens in this chapter, it is important tho I promise :)



I don't think I've ever sobbed this hard before in my life. It started with laughter and then turned into laughter with tears. I was manic with my hysterical laughter and wails mixing into one single noise. I let out hiccuped sobs and sputters, turning to a sprawled-out puddle of spiralling despair on the floor of Hitoshi's bathroom. Powder blue tiles cool, pressing to the unseemly grotesque drips and curves of my cicatrix calves. The ceramic beneath me caresses and coerced me to melt into it.

The shower head ran bullets of water, attempting to drown out my cries. I smacked at my head with the heels of my palms and dug my nails into the flesh of my arms, scratching them up till they turned to red bumps. Warm to the touch from each area, my nails scrapped themselves across, back and forth like a saw. 

I cried till I was nothing, I was a husk, an abandoned shell of myself. The knocking at the door wasn't even enough to wake me from the void my mind had become.

"Y/n?"

My tongue felt knotted, refusing to give a response to anything or anyone. My gaze just watched the shower rain down its water. I could feel a few drops of the steaming liquid jump out at me and rest against my skin and clothes, becoming a part of me, and turning to nothing. 

"Y/n? Are you ok?"

His voice became far away to where I could barely hear it. I just sat on the floor, my nails no longer moving against my skin. I sat unmoving, breathing and blinking because that was all I was suitable for at that moment. The pain in my shredded arms and hurt ribs became the only thing to keep me somewhat grounded instead of sinking further into the powder blue ceramic. I could feel my body being pushed with the door as it opens. Only my eyes move as I watch Hitoshi enter and quietly shut the door. Watching the boy squat down next to me, I didn't dare to look him in the eye. 

Shame was the only thing I could feel; I was no longer nothing, a husk; I was the embodiment of shame. The whole word became my own and lived within me. It kept me from looking at Hitoshi head on, restraining and stroking my hair, coaxing me further into the depths of the letters.

He stood back up, wordlessly mulling over to the shower, taking ahold of the metal handle and turning it off. The splitting drips of water filled my ears. Hitoshi got to his bum, scooting up beside me and sat. The only sound was the droplets hitting the shower floor, and that was it. Hitoshi didn't make a noise, didn't say anything, just sat and stared at the wall with me. We didn't move.

It felt like hours had passed before I managed to bring a little life back into me, willing myself to sit up a little straighter. When I moved, I felt like the tear ducts had replenished, wanting to release the flow of tears again. I really didn't want to cry anymore, I am tired of crying, I am just so tired.

Hitoshi watches me, monitoring me slowly try to get to my feet. He rose with me, offering a hand to my arm, and opened the door. We made our slow walk into his bedroom which smelt of pine, which wasn't a usual smell. I let myself onto his bed, laying there and letting him begin to coddle me in blankets beyond blankets. They reeked of him, every single thing held his mint and musk. He was like a mint candy cane, he smelt of Christmas and breath mints. And it was exhilarating.

Hitoshi didn't speak, he just let me rest with my eyes open on his bed, and he sat next to me, reading a book with one hand and his other held and rubbing my hand which peaked beneath the mountain of blankets.

I could feel myself start to drift off to sleep, the weight on me and the soothing sensory if his hand with my own, and the scent of him. I let sleep overtake me, letting the shame cling to me like a parasite, burrowing beneath my skin and remaining.

Hitoshi's P.O.V.

"Hitoshi!"

Annoyance struck me and surged through my fingers, causing the thin pages of my textbox to crumple slightly in my clutch. My glare leads me to my doorway, the door opens, and mom appears in it. 

"Keep it down," I muttered, gesturing with my head over to where Y/n was curled up in a silent rest, which she greatly needed.  Mom's eyebrows shoot up, her lips slamming shut for a moment before taking tip toed step into the room,

"Her mother's here," She whispers, wrapping herself more in the gray cardigan she wears.
"I don't think Y/n wants to see her right now. Something obviously went down."

"I know, but I can't just kidnap the poor girl."

"Technically, she's here consensually sooo..."

Mom gives me an unimpressed look, rubbing over her face with her hands and letting out a small groan. "Please just come with me to hear her out."

With a sigh, I place the textbook down on the table, mentally noting to come back to it later to finish the unit chapter on quadratic equations that my teacher is unfit to teach himself. I stand up, casting a final glance at the sleeping girl and having my heart squeeze. I wanted to stay with her, watch over her, and consume her thoughts with better things.

There isn't any courage left in me to bring up our kissing or the talk we were supposed to have. I don't think she could take a moment for me right now, and it's understandable. Whatever went down at her house, I knew it had to have been bad.

I was sitting on the front steps of my house, and mom and dad insisted on preparing a big meal for us all to eat in celebration of our successes- Y/n's more than my own, of course, but I didn't point that out to them. The door was the first thing I heard, it slammed and resonated through the whole neighbourhood, and I wouldn't have been surprised if you could hear it from U.A.
        And then Y/n stormed her way towards me, red-faced and shaky breathed. The wind blew at her lovely H/C hair, and for a moment, I felt a smile crawl to my face. It quickly diminished when I watched her stop and press her hands to her mouth, her eyes squeezing shut and opening with fresh tears and a strangled sob. I was to my feet in an instant, my voice fell on deaf ears, so I reached for her. She instantly brushed my hands off of her. I stood there helplessly, unknowing what to do or what to say. I managed to coax her into the house, and she rushed upstairs to the bathroom.