When You're Addicted || Merula Snyde x F!Reader

When You're Addicted..

Being in love sucks. It piles more stress onto you. Especially when people expect stuff from you.

Being left alone is better. That's what Y/N thought, atleast. She was stressed with her brother, the vaults, Rakepick, and her big, fat crush on her "enemy", Merula Snyde. She wasn't sure how she got a crush on her, but it happened all right. She was constantly ridiculed by her, but she adored her. Y/N didn't know why, how could she?

Nothing ever makes sense. While she was sitting on the ground, leaning on the fountain, sniffling, she heard a faint, slightly raspy voice. One that sounded all too familiar.
" Y/N..?"
The concern in the voice made Y/N stiffen. She was more worried about who caught her than why she was caught.
"What are you doing here, Snyde, " Y/N barely muttered. She was sick of people talking to her.
"I go to school here too, y'know."
Y/N scoffed at the statement, but smiled a little. She was right, of course.

"Why are you out here, " Y/N questioned.
"I don't need to tell you, " Merula replied, sitting next to you. Y/N's cheeks warmed at the closeness.
"How about you tell me why you're out here, " Merula continued.
"I don't need to tell you, " Y/N mocked. She wanted to look at Merula, but she thought she would go crazy. Merula being nice to her? And being so close? Probably the most overwhelming thing to happen all year.

"Why were you crying, L/N?"
Her heart stopped for a second. A very small second, but it did stop.
𝘔𝘦𝘳𝘶𝘭𝘢 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

"I wasn't."
"So you were sniffling and sobbing for fun? Are you trying to be an actor or something? If so, it's not working out."
Y/N giggled a bit at the statement, but it came out more as a breath, a well needed one at that.
Merula was looking right at Y/N with a full face of concern as she tried to get her to open up. However, Y/N wouldn't look up at all out of fear. She wanted to look at her more than anything but she just couldn't. She wanted to talk to her about anything, but she couldn't.
"Merula, " Y/N started, "why do you care so much about the vaults?"
Y/N finally got herself to look at Merula, not in her eyes, but she finally looked up.

Merula made a shocked yet confused face. At least, that's what Y/N thought it was.
"I'm not sure honestly, " Merula responded, "I guess I just want to be seen as powerful to people. Smart, strong, better."
Y/N stared at her in awe, being able to open up to someone you hate came as shocking to her.
"Yeah I get it, " Y/N replied, trying to sound as nice as she could.
Merula perked up.
"That's kind of the reason I'm out here, I guess, " Y/N started, "I just... "
Y/N stopped, realizing she was probably burdening Merula.

Merula sat there waiting for Y/N to finish, when she didn't she got ever so slightly closer, yet enough for Y/N to become a mess.
"Well are you going to keep talking? I'm actually listening to you for once, you might as well take the chance."
Y/N froze for a second. Or maybe 5. Or longer. She was embarrassed. Or flustered.
She slowly adjusted herself and cleared her throat.
"Being seen as strong and being looked up to seems better than it is to be honest.. And then you have this burden following you."
Merula seemed very interested in what she was saying. She was intrigued. She was listening.
"And then, " Y/N continued, "people go to you for everything, and you HAVE to help them because you know how, and if you don't, you learn."
Y/N sighed after losing her breath after going on a rant. She looked towards Merula, who made a confusing face. Maybe it was confusing because no one sees that kind of face from her. It was empathetic, she looked sad. Y/N didn't know what to say anymore, she felt she said too much.

"I'm sorry, " Merula stated. Y/N couldn't stop staring at her. She was mesmerizing. Not the best time to stare at her crush whenever she is sad because of you. Y/N felt her eyes getting hot. She was starting to cry again. She tried blinking it away, but it might have been to obvious. Merula looked even more worried before. What is up with her? It's not bad, just odd.
"Hey, it's okay, " Merula stated, placing her hand on your now wet cheek, not reacting to the tears. She didn't back away, she didn't freak out. She just left her hand there, and Y/N's heart stopped for a second yet again. Merula stared into her eyes, both of them glistening. Maybe just Y/N's eyes because of the tears, but she was convinced she was Merula's eyes shining against the stars. Merula then took her hand off of Y/N's cheek, pulled her sleeve up, and wiped her tears away, placing her other hand on Y/N's other cheek to keep her stable. The entire time, Y/N had her mouth barely open, in complete shock of what was happening. It was unreal, but it was happening. Definitely happening.
"Thanks, " Y/N finally managed to mutter. It wasn't much, but at least she knew her voice was working. Merula didn't respond, she just sat there waiting. She didn't know what to do. Until, Y/N's head fell onto her shoulder.

She didn't even know what she was doing anymore. The tears basically blinding her, she was tired. Merula didn't know what was happening just as much as Y/N, they might as well be soulmates with all these similarities. Merula awkwardly slithered her arm over to Y/N's waist. Y/N's heart probably would've stopped again if she wasn't so damn comfortable.
Then, Y/N moved her arm over Merula's stomach and grasped her back, just barely. She was more comfortable and relaxed than she's ever been. Merula just looked down and smiled, she felt happy with Y/N.

After about 7 minutes of resting, rain started dripping, just barely. The two opened their eyes after leaning on each other for a while. They weren't sleeping, more of giving their eyes a break. Y/N finally realized what she did and jerked her arm that was over Merula back.
"You have something against rain?"
Y/N looked up right at Merula's eyes. More so her lips for a spilt second. As if instinctively, she looked down with a blushed face replying.
"Not really, it's just not my favorite, " Y/N managed to reply. Merula then stood up, leaving Y/N on the ground. She then offered her hand to lift Y/N up. At first, she stared blankly, she as felt stupid, so she quickly grabbed her hand as they both worked to pull her up. They were both standing now, still holding each other's hand. Merula was a little bit taller than Y/N.
Nothing she ever held above her, just a slight observation. Y/N was completely zoned out and was brought back when she felt something touch her head. She then realized that Merula took off her jacket and the placed the hood over her head. It was barely bigger on her, though it might be larger if she put it on all the way, but for now it was just hanging. Merula finally decided to speak up.
"If you don't like the rain, you should really bring something to cover up with."
Y/N finally looked up after staring at the jacket and stared into Merula's eyes yet again.

"We should get to our dorms now, I'd rather us not get in trouble, " Merula stated, slowly walking away.
Y/N hurried to catch up causing them to walk right next to each other. Great. Now they're close again. Not as close as when they were literally cuddling, which was terrifying, but Y/N is actually acknowledging the fact they're so close. Soon enough, they were just about to be at Y/N's dorm, so Merula stopped.
"Are you going to go, " Merula questioned. Not in a rude way, oddly enough. Though it's not very odd for what's been happening today.

"Right!"
Merula laughed a little at the sudden shock of Y/N coming back to reality.
"Bye, " Y/N muttered. She really hasn't been speaking up at all. Merula makes her a mess.
"Bye, " Merula repeated as a reply. They slowly started walking away when Y/N stopped. She had the stupidest idea ever, but she felt like she had to. This was the only chance she had. The only time she actually thought she'd be able to. She then turned and started to walk back to Merula quicker than she was when heading to her dorm.

Merula heard the sound of hurried footsteps and turned to Y/N walking over to her. She was confused up until Y/N was right in front of her not wasting any time. She grabbed her face and smashed her lips on Merula's. Y/N slammed her eyes shut the very moment she grabbed Merula's face. Meanwhile, Merula's eyes we're very wide. She was so very shocked. Neither of them were very sure of what was happening because of how quick it was, though it felt like it lasted for a life time. Y/N was holding onto Merula's face, hoping she wouldn't push her away. She stopped for a second and Merula went right back for more, closing her eyes this time. They were addicted to each other, to be totally honest. Merula moved her hand onto Y/N's hip and slowly slid it over her back and pulled her closer so they were smothered by each other. Even closer than when they were cuddling, but they were kissing. Still unbelievable to the both of them. Finally, they both broke it off. Y/N barely opened her eyes, peeking at Merula's lips and then looked up, still very close together.

Y/N's eyes began to flutter as they barely distanced themselves away from each other. Y/N cleared her throat, finding this whole situation awkward, what are you supposed to say after a kiss? Or a full on make out session? Y/N finally figured out what to say.
"Bye.."
Not the best thing, but it works.
"Bye, " Merula replied, in the same slightly out of breath, awkward reply.
They both started walking back to their dorms, no intent to head to each other again. They got to their dorms and could not sleep. They kissed. They actually kissed each other. Y/N couldn't believe it. Neither could Merula. Y/N was shocked.
Y/N was hugging onto Merula's jacket as she fell asleep, which didn't end up happening. Too much happened before hand.

It was almost impossible to fall asleep when you're addicted.