poetry, I guess

...

beep beep.

a red led reads 4:00. i sigh and roll over.

beep beep.

a red led reads 6:00. i sigh and roll over.

my lights turn on. i scroll through meaningless media and let it consume me.

6:20. i should probably get up.

i go to the bathroom. i catch my reflection in the glass-like wall.

i stare violently. i stare at every lump and curve, every bulge and mark. i sigh and turn around.

i force on the ugly cloth my school calls a uniform. i nitpick every inch, every way it doesn't compliment my body shape. i decide to stop looking and grab the keys to my car.

i pull into the school. i see her, somehow making what i thought to be ugly cloth into something beautiful. i register her kindness and her beauty, and i think that i will never be enough for her.

it's 7:45. class starts in five minutes. i should go.

i sit in an empty first period, finishing incomplete work and feeling guilty for lacking the motivation i need to volunteer this hour.

there's too much going on. work. school. college. home. i feel as if i'm running out of time.

seven hours are a blur. in an instant, the time is 3:00. i grab my things and escape to my car.

3:30. i'm finally home.

3:33. a moment to relax. i get a text.

can i go to the grocery store? i can, but i'm so exhausted.

i grab my keys.

4:30. my stepmother calls me. i hear it in her voice. there are so many blue cans with white labels scattered by her feet.

i don't have the energy to take care of her today.

my head hurts. i'm so tired. she's walking away from the house and i need to stop her.

12:13. i still have homework, but im so exhausted. i crawl into my bed and i sleep.

beep beep.

red leds read 4:00. i sigh and roll over. i remember i didn't shower last night. i sigh again and leave my bed.

8:57. im in chemistry. im so tired.

10:13. im in history. im exhausted.

11:24. im in philosophy. im doing horribly in this class. i can't think.

12:16. she's in this class. i want to talk to her so desperately. my nails are now stubs and my skin now wounded.

12:57. i didn't bring a lunch. i didn't feel like making it this morning. i'll eat when i get home.

1:07. a free class. i take a nap.

2:23. i love this class. art is therapeutic.

3:00. the bell rings. i grab my bag, say goodbye, and turn my car key.

3:47. it's barely four and i'm so tired. i'm just going to take a little nap.

8:43. i slept for five hours. i don't have time to take care of my stuff anymore. i'm still so tired.

my stepmom is drunk again.

she* is in my mind again.

i have homework again.

i need to clean my room again.

my health is getting bad again.

beep beep.

a red led reads 4:00. i'm so tired. i sigh and roll over.