Soul-bound

4. Hashirama and Izuna

I loved Izuna with all my heart.

My entire soul belonged to him, and I would skin myself alive if only that meant he would be happy.

Yet, something happened that made me feel such an incredible jealousy that I forgot my love for the man.

Another meeting. Another chance to sit and observe my best friend, my partner in crime, and enjoy this new set of emotions connected to his name.

I feel like we are soul-bound, you and me. Like you are the sun to my moon. The yang to my yin. The light to my darkness. If it's not you, then who is it? Who could it ever be but you?

But Hashirama wasn't looking at me. I frowned. He had clearly caught someone else's eyes, and was smiling at them.

I turned, and saw something was going on between him and Izuna.

Izuna was hiding his face in his hand, mocking shame. Hashirama smiled at him, and mouthed something.

"I'm bored out of my mind, too", I read on his lips.

My heart froze to ice. I had confessed my feelings for Hashirama to my brother only recently. Why did he do this? I started trembling. I didn't recognise the feeling within me. Was this what panic felt like? My heart was pounding, but not in the pleasant way that I associated with Hashirama. Instead, I felt nauseous due to nerves.

When the meeting was over, I longed for Hashirama to come nudge me in the side as always to confirm our meeting. He always nudged me, even if we'd met up after meetings for years, just to remind me.

He didn't. This time, he didn't.

I looked over my shoulder, and I stopped breathing when I saw that he was walking next to Izuna, and that they were laughing together.

Why? Why would you do this to me? Why would any one of you do this to me?

I didn't go to our meeting spot. Instead, I went home. Izuna took a long time to show up, and I wondered if it was because he was with Hashirama. The thought caused me so much pain, I was afraid I would die because of it.

Finally, the door came open, and Izuna came in; I recognised his light footsteps. He stopped outside my room, seeing it was light.

"Why aren't you with Hashi?" he asked softly. "The two of you always meet up."

"Why did you do that?" I asked, laying in my bed, my back to him, refusing to look at him. I knew it was childish, yet I seemed unable to stop myself.

"I'm sorry, what?" Izuna asked. He sounded as though he was genuinely confused.

It angered me. So, so much. I sat up then, looked at him. He already looked hurt.

"I saw the two of you interacting", I said

Izuna suddenly seemed to understand.

"He saw me yawning during the meeting room", he said curtly. "Then he wanted to talk about the meeting afterwards. What should I have done, ignore him?"

I knew he was right. Yet, I couldn't control myself.

"I trusted you", I said, and my voice was trembling. I looked directly at Izuna's face, and was so ashamed that behind all of that hurt in it, there was also worry; worry about me. "I told you about my feelings for him because I trusted you and you immediately broke that trust."

"I haven't done anything!" Izuna exclaimed, and tears fell down his face, tears that in a better world would have worked to wake me up and calm me down but instead egged me on.

"Go fuck yourself", I said flatly.

Izuna's face changed. He was a blank canvas, the shock having drained all colours from his usual colourful self. I had never, ever sworn at him. I had never even been harsh to him. This was our first fight.

Izuna turned and left.

Leaving me alone, hating my jealousy.

And myself.

The pain of seeing Izuna with Hashirama was nothing, nothing compared to the pain of having been cruel to Izuna. It was a pain that clenched at my heart and climbed up my neck to my temples, pressing me.

I went to bed immediately after I had told Izuna to go fuck himself, but I couldn't sleep. After an hour or so, I dragged myself out of my bed, blinded by shame. I went to the cliff at the river, but I had no idea how I got there, no memory of it. I was surprised that Hashirama was still there, sitting down, looking out at the sun, now almost completely set.

He turned when he sensed me behind him. I could have been mistaken, but I thought I saw his face light up when he saw me.

"Madara, what took you so long? I looked all over for you after the meeting but you weren't there. I-"

Then, he stopped himself, realising something was wrong.

And I sunk down on my knees threw myself into his arms and burst into tears.

"Oh, dear", he said. "Come here. Come here, gorgeous. You little fox. Come here."

He hugged me to his chest, where I clung at his long hair and hid in his heart and cried my own out.

He spoke softly to me, held me close to him, providing me comfort. And he did it so naturally, even if we had never cried with each other before. I honestly couldn't remember last time I had cried.

He held me, and through my closed eyes, I noticed the sun setting in front of us, letting the stars out of their daytime prison.