Philophobia | Shin Soukoku (slow updates)

GinxHiguchi Special.

“Wait! These chocolates are actually for you. From me.”

Higuchi almost laughed but saw the serious expression on her friend's face. “You're serious?”

Gin nodded and looked at her, her ears tinted red. She held out the box in front of her towards Higuchi and the older girl blushed.

“So, will you accept my feelings?”

Higuchi was too shocked to respond to the sudden confession and the blush on her face only deepened. “I, um, I'm flattered but I can't... I mean, I don't know if, if I should...” The expression on Gin's face saddened suddenly and the guilt was gnawing at the blonde girl's heart. “I'm sorry...”

The younger girl shook her head and lowered the box onto her lap, he dark eyes taking on a sad expression. “No, it's alright, I understand. I shouldn't have told you something like that so suddenly.”

An awkward silence surrounded the two girls and Higuchi could only feel bad for not being able to reciprocate the feelings that Gin had admitted to her. Maybe it would have been best is neither of them had started this conversation at all.

Gin suddenly stood up and Higuchi frowned up at her in confusion. “I need to go to the bathroom,” she stated hurriedly, rushing out of the classroom to hide the tears in her eyes.

Higuchi knew that she should sit and wait for her to get back before going back to her own class but she didn't have the heart to so. She had unintentionally hurt her friends feelings and she simply couldn't face her after that.

The blonde stood from the chair and headed towards, chest tight like she couldn't breathing. Something about rejecting Gin had felt completely wrong but she wouldn't have accepted her feelings otherwise. Even if she was a lesbian or bi or pan or omni or whatever, she just couldn't. That was her best friends little sister!

But would Akutagawa even care if Higuchi and Gin started dating?

Higuchi stopped abruptly in the middle of the school corridor and slapped her cheeks, the echo of it earning a few looks from other students passing by.

Why would she even think of that like it was some sort of possibility? There was no way that Akutagawa would ever approve. He was more protective of his sister than anything.  

Before Higuchi knew it, she was finally back in her own class and she huffed in frustration as she sat her desk, her head laying on the table. The entire situation was doing nothing but frustrating her and the person tapping on her should was slowly becoming a nuisance.

“What?!” Higuchi snapped, quickly regretting her tone as she saw the hurt look in Atsushi's wide eyes. “Oh, I'm so sorry! I've just been having a rough morning, I didn't mean to snap at you..”

“No, it's okay,” Atsushi said with a gentle smile before sitting at the desk in front of her. “Do you want to talk about what's been bothering you?”

“Well...” She paused for a moment, thinking it over. Would Atsushi think her situation was weird? She knows that Atsushi and Akutagawa clearly liked each other but her and Gin were two girls which was clearly not as accepted as two boys liking each other.

But this was Atsushi she was telling and he was probably one of the most accepting people she knew so Higuchi didn't think he would say much to purposefully offend her.

Higuchi let out a deep sigh. “Gin confessed to me earlier and I kind of rejected her in the most awkward way possible. I feel bad because I really hurt her feelings and now, I just can't even look at her.”

“Why did you reject her?”

She frowned. “It's because she's Akutagawa's little sister and it would be weird for me to even consider having feelings for her. I mean, what kind of person would that even make me?” The look Atsushi gave her made Higuchi nervous. “What?”

“So, do you not like her or is it because she's Akutagawa's sister?” Her silence seemed to be the answer that Atsushi required. “Don't let your feelings be decided by the fact that your friends with her brother because that's all Akutagawa is and ever will be to Gin–her brother. He has no say in who she can and cannot date so don't give him the power to do so.” 

Higuchi knew that Atsushi was right, her feelings were hers and hers only, so letting them be influenced by someone else was out of the question. So, after school she knew what she was meant to do.

▫️

When the bell rang Higuchi quickly made her way to the front of the school, nervously jumping between legs. She still wasn't sure if she even had proper feelings for Gin but she was willing to give things between them a chance. A chance for her to understand.

Just as she felt the urge to give up looking, before a familiar head of beautiful black hair made its appearance in the large wave of students. “Gin-chan!”

Higuchi's voice carried out across the bustle of students and Gin immediately froze in place after hearing it. The sound of the blonde's footsteps catching up to her was nerve-racking but Gin waited until she did so before turning around.

The older girl's cheeks were red from running and the younger of the two awkwardly looked away. “Do you need something?”

“Yeah, I wanted us to talk about what happened earlier,” Higuchi admitted, fidgeting with her fingers in a bashful manner.

Gin could only sigh at the suggestion. “Look, I get it. You don't like me and probably never will so there's no need to try and make me feel better.”

“But I think I do like you! I mean, I've never dated a girl before but I can't help but think about how nice you are, how you're so thoughtful and so...so pretty.” Gin blushed at the comment and Higuchi cleared her throat before continuing. “What I'm trying to say is, I'm a bit scared of accepting your feelings but it would be nice if the two of us did go on a date...”

Gin remained silent and Higuchi only further continued to grow nervous. “Th-That would be nice,” the young girl stuttered shyly. “Is it alright if I hold your hand while walking home?”

“It would be more than alright,” Higuchi told her with a smile.

▫️

Just a little short I decided to write after finding out it was international lesbian day. So here's a little snippet from the first official sapphic couple I will ever write about. ❤️

Note: this is NOT part of the main plot.